Four Letter Lie
by PAPERKUT6
Summary: Sometimes when life is going well some unknown force comes out and knocks you back on your ass. Don't get me wrong my life was hard and complicated, and sometimes it just out right sucked. But with all the bad days came great days. Life's a journey of many ups and downs, especially if you've roamed the earth for a over a century. This is my story. It's a tale of love and betrayal.
1. Prologue

**Prologue **

**"If I look** **at the crystal moon, at the red branch** **of the slow autumn at my window,** **if I touch** **near the fire** **the impalpable ash** **or the wrinkled body of the log,** **everything carries me to you,** **as if everything that exists,** **aromas, light, metals,** **were little boats** **that sail** **toward those isles of yours that wait for me.**

**Well, now, if little by little you stop loving me** **I shall stop loving you little by little.**

**If suddenly you forget me** **do not look for me,** **for I shall already have forgotten you.**

**If you think it long and mad,** **the wind of banners** **that passes through my life,** **and you decide** **to leave me at the shore** **of the heart where I have roots,** **remember** **that on that day,** **at that hour,** **I shall lift my arms** **and my roots will set off** **to seek another land.**

**But** **if each day,** **each hour,** **you feel that you are destined for me** **with implacable sweetness,** **if each day a flower** **climbs up to your lips to seek me,** **ah my love, ah my own,** **in me all that fire is repeated,** **in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,** **my love feeds on your love, beloved,** **and as long as you live it will be in your arms** **without leaving mine"**

~ **Pablo Neruda **

Different memories have different meanings for every person. Some people hold on to memories that serves as a reminder of how strong they were. Others hold on to memories that make them laugh. Most people value memories where they were the most happiest. Ask anyone on the street about their fondest memory, and it would either be a) a childhood memory, b) their first love, or c) that one moment that had changed their lives forever. Whether a memory is good or bad doesn't matter. What matters is how you choose to remember it. Any two people sharing a memory would remember it differently. It's a fact of life.

I had only two memories I treasured above all others. The first was the day I became a Keeper. The second was meeting Damon Salvatore. You're probably asking 1) what's a Keeper and 2) who is Damon Salvatore. So, let me start at the beginning.

In a time when immortals and other beings raised from that of which they came, five scientists joined forces and created a race of their own. They're called _Guardianes de los Condenados_. Translated they're simply called The Keepers of the Damned, or more commonly known as just Keepers.

As time went on the race grew and colonies started appearing all over the world. To become a Keeper you have to go through a complex process of blood transfusions and rituals. It combines the forces of science and magic. The first Keepers were ordinary people turned immortal. Like all creatures Keepers adapt to survive. They're peaceful beings, designed to keep the peace, and to never judge. Keepers are the in-between, neither good nor bad. They don't pick sides when there are wars, and they never meddle in supernatural business.

To be a Keeper is an honor. Age old traditions gets passed down from generation to generation. Becoming a Keeper gives one immortality and the ability to read and manipulate people and other beings thoughts. The scientists intended for the new race to keep the secrets of supernatural beings. Their tasks are to make sure that these beings identities aren't discovered, so they're stationed around the world, cleaning up the messes of the supernatural world. Just like other societies, Keepers have laws, traditions and values they live by.

There's a government entity that make laws and keep order among the Keepers. This is known as the Assembly. It consists of five highly ranked Keepers. The original five members of the Assembly were the scientists, the creators of our kind. The highest ranking member of the Assembly is the leader, which is normally passed down through generations, except when an existing leader decides to choose another Keeper. First Chair's the leader; Second Chair's the leader's right hand. Then counting down to Third, Fourth and Fifth Chair, whose powers only lie with decision-making and voting. A new law can only be passed when all members of the Assembly agree on it, which meant the voting was unanimous.

I was born into the Keeper race, raised in the environment of Keeperism, and finally at age of twenty-two I became a Keeper. Well, technically I wasn't born into the Keeper race. But that's a story for another time. A few weeks after my twenty-second birthday I got summoned and got told of my acceptance to become a Keeper. It was one of the greatest moments of my life.

Becoming a Keeper was difficult for me. I was born with moderate Hemophilia, also known as Hemophilia B. With my blood disorder it was harder for my blood to accept the Keeper cells. Eventually my blood transformed and I became a full Keeper. Being a Keeper had a few perks. Although I was still human, with a heartbeat, blood in my veins and human emotions and feelings, I had some additional features. As a Keeper I healed faster than humans did. I also had better vision and hearing. And the biggest selling point was immortality.

After my blood cells transformed, the cells literally changing color, my blood now had a golden tinge to it. The gold was a sign of status. You got ranked higher depending on how much gold you had in your blood and skin. Because of my blood disorder I wasn't like other Keepers. My skin wasn't as gold, neither was my blood. In saying that, I had control on all healing and mystic features.

I was, after all, more human than anything else. I could better pass as a human, which was the reason The Assembly valued me. Well it could also be that my father was the leader of the North-American Sector. But not that it really mattered. Becoming a Keeper also meant some physical changes. I went through some vigorous training. All Keepers had training on how to defend themselves against any supernatural creatures. As a Keeper we were subject to any number of dangerous situations, and we had to know how to handle them.

My abilities were in vampires and faeries. Don't let faeries fool you they're quite sinister at times, as I found out first hand on my first assignment. My case load consisted of some of the most dangerous vampires, and fiercest faeries.

But never did I imagine that one vampire would turn my world so completely upside down. Becoming a Keeper and meeting Damon were both life changing events. One more so than the other. I reply those two memories over and over, wondering if I made the right choices.


	2. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

**_Numb_**

**_"But here I am and I can't seem to see straight. But I'm too numb to feel right now. And here I am watching the clock that's ticking away my time. I'm too numb to feel right now..." ~ The Pretty Reckless_**

**_"You've created a rift within me. Now there have been several complications. That have left me feeling nothing..." ~ Disturbed_**

**_"I can feel you ripping and tearing. Feeding and growing inside of me. Ripping and tearing and f_****_eeding and growing inside of me. I want this, more than you know. I need this, give it back to me..." ~ Disturbed_**

His hands were all over me grabbing and pulling on my dress. We stumbled into his room, kicking the door shut behind us. I felt numb from all the alcohol I've had, giving myself to a complete stranger with no regard to consequences.

I did what I normally did; find comfort in alcohol and sex. What better way to forget about your problems than with booze and men. I kicked off my shoes, in time to land back first on his bed. We separated for a moment to take off our clothes our breathing heavy, his eyes burning with lust. I slipped of my black mini-dress, throwing it on the floor. His eyes roamed my body taking in every inch of my me.

The gold in my skin never reflected on human eyes. To them I just looked slightly tanned and glowing. Flawless some called it; to me it was an indication of how healthy I was. Not that I could really tell anymore. Most of my gold has gone, leaving me somewhat pale. But it's not like a human would ever know that.

With their meek eyesight they would hardly ever know about the changes.

The stranger took off his clothes, revealing his tattooed body. I smiled, or at least I think I did, pulling him down and planting my lips on his. I wrapped my legs around his waist pulling him closer, clutching his face in my hands. Heat and lust build inside me pushing away everything I didn't feel. I just wanted to forget and who better than with a stranger. Use 'em and discard 'em, as I liked to say. In every state, every city, every town there was a stranger that you could bury your deepest fears and regrets in. For a few brief moments nothing in the universe mattered. It was moments of solace from your inner demons.

My underwear landed in a heap on the floor by my dress, his thumb brushing against my inner thigh. I was tired of waiting. I wanted the yearning inside me to be satisfied.

I rolled him over and straddled him, working on getting him out of his pants. I yanked off his jeans, after I undid the button and zip, discarding his jeans on the floor. He grabbed my ass, squeezing and positioning me in just the right position.

He entered me and everything I thought and felt vanished, leaving nothing but a shell.

I went through the motions, my only attention on the stranger and the feeling of him buried inside me, filling the emptiness I felt. If only for a brief moment.

No amount of alcohol or strangers could heal my scars or completely rid me of the hollowness within me. My misery followed me no matter where I went or what I did.

I was slowly being dragged under by a very human emotion, depression.

He grabbed a fistful of my hair pulling my head back, running kisses down my throat, spending a lot of time kissing every inch of my neck and collarbone. I moved with him, the rhythm fast and urgent. I swallowed a scream as elation built inside me, setting me aflame. I was pushed onto my back, the stranger in total control.

Our flesh slapped together in frantic motions, sweat glistening on our skin. I arched my back tremors running through me, as the pressure in me reached its limit, exploding. He pushed in deeper filling me with his seed.

I pulled into the driveway of Sasha and Dave's house switching off the ignition. It's been a week since Toni Brown's funeral. It was a sad ordeal, something Sasha was still struggling to come to terms with. Losing her mother was taking a toll on her.

She was an emotional wreck, still just sitting at home watching soap operas.

For the first time in five years I had to think about someone other than myself. I needed to be strong for Sasha in her time of need, something I welcomed. I needed a distraction from my own miserable life. Losing a parent was hard. It never gets easier.

Sure time allows it to hurt less, but the pain never truly goes away. I stared at the house, looking at the curtain covered windows. Every curtain in the house was drawn shut; it had been for the last week. Outside Dave was busy in the garden doing his best to keep busy. He stopped what he was doing, getting to his feet.

He wiped the sweat from his brow giving me a tired smile. I've been over every day the last week, and everyday Dave was busy outside doing one thing or another, and Sasha was tucked away in their bedroom with the door shut and the television blaring.

I got out of my car with pizza, six beers, and chocolate ice-cream.

"You know where to find her," he said giving me a peck on the cheek. He took a beer and a slice of pizza from me, getting back to pulling weeds. I opened the front door, dropped my handbag on the sofa and headed straight to the master bedroom.

I knocked on the door once and let myself in. Sasha laid curled up in bed, the television on some foreign channel, balls of tissues strewn around the bed.

"It never stops," she said turning the television off, sitting up.

"I know honey," I said taking a seat on Dave's side of the bed putting down the pizza, beers and ice-cream. Sasha dug in trying to eat and drink away her pain.

"Every time I think the tears have stopped a new onslaught of tears takes over," Sasha choked out fresh tears welling up behind her lids.

"Oh, sweetie." I leaned over, putting an arm around her shoulders.

I spend a couple of hours with her, talking and eating. Every so often she would burst out in tears, unable to stop herself from crying. Eventually she cried herself to sleep.

I cleaned up around the room, disposing of the pizza box, ice-cream container, empty beer bottles and the hundreds of tissues. I left the room, switching off the light, and closing the door. I walked to the kitchen and found Dave standing with his head in the fridge. He emerged with yesterday's Chinese.

"You should let me make you something to eat," I said.

"Nah. Why waste good food?" he replied with a smile, popping the Chinese into the microwave. I laughed shaking my head.

"She's asleep," I said indicating to the bedroom with my head.

"I hate feeling so helpless," Dave said crossing his arms leaning against the counter.

"She just needs time to grief."

"I know. I just wish there was something I could do."

"She'll let you know if she needs anything."

"Thank you. We really appreciate you being here."

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," I said with a smile. "I should get going."

"Right," Dave said walking me to the door. He gave me a kiss on the head, and watched me as I got in the car and pull out of the driveway. I waved goodbye and drove off.


	3. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

**_The Call_**

**_"Forever - and ever the scars will remain. I'm falling apart. Leave me here forever in the dark..." ~ Breaking Benjamin_**

**_"And love is not a victory march. It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah" ~ Bon Jovi_**

**_"This world will never be what I expected. And if I don't belong..." ~ Three Days Grace_**

_Two Weeks Earlier_

It was a white snowy day everything outside covered in white icicles. It was absolutely freezing, my one bedroom apartment not at all suitable to live in during the winter. I zipped my jacket, rubbed my hands together, and sat down on my two-seater sofa, switching on the television. I pulled a thick blanket over me, snuggling in to get warm. My toes were cold within my socks, not at all interested in getting warmer.

I had on two pair of socks, and still they were as cold as when I put on the first pair.

I flicked through channels looking for something to take my mind off the dull grayness that hung in the air. I stopped with the music channel, laying down on the couch closing my eyes, listening to the sweet sound of song that drifted through my apartment. I was hiding out in a small place in Little Falls, never leaving the apartment unless called upon by the local hospital. Leaving the house terrified me, but as strange as it might sound, I found the hospital just as safe as my apartment.

In my house I was as safe as walls and a door could keep me. In the hospital I had the safety in numbers, and besides there were a few places one could hide. After I packed up and left Chicago, I went to Denver, Kansas, Dallas, Jacksonville, Washington, and finally Little Falls, New York. I thought nobody would come looking for me in a small town considering that would be the last place I'd go.

I've been running long enough to know how the minds of those who hunted me worked. One of my favorite songs came on, and I turned up the volume, drowning my apartment in the voice of the artist. It was better to hear the voice of a musician, than _his_ voice in my head. Sure living alone was the perfect way to keep out of harm's way, but it sure was lonely. Luckily for me there was television and radio to cure that.

Besides, those two aspects of humanity were far less dangerous than actual company.

I didn't form any bonds or relationships with people on the outside, not allowing myself to get close to someone again. People just let you down; it was an aspect of humanity I had to learn the hard way. Trust didn't come easy to me anymore; I was more paranoid than ever. I lived in constant fear of being found by Tobias and Damon.

Both men were dangerous for different reasons. The song ended with a few keyboard notes, silence following. I opened my eyes in time to see the call to donate flash on the screen. I turned down the volume, getting up from the sofa. The kettle was done boiling, the water ready. I made myself a cup of tea, warming my hands, as I sipped the hot beverage. I walked over to one of the windows in the living area, looking out at the white covered road and sidewalks. The street was empty of people, the only sign of civilization the cars parked in the street. I sipped on my tea wondering how my life turned out like this. Being all alone was never what I wanted in life.

I wanted so much more, but it was proven more than once that that wasn't going to happen. My life was one miserable mess, beatings and heartbreak evidence of that.

The Assembly and Damon made sure I was hunted. It didn't matter where I ended up, they found me, and tore me apart. All they cared about was ending my life, but neither succeeded. They just left me broken and hurt. The story of my life.

I had become everything I was running from in the first place.

So, I hid in the only place where I knew nobody would come looking, because Little Falls was the last place someone like me would go to hide and hope for better days.

The last five years was a blur of unhappiness. I travelled from place to place, hoping to find some solace; somewhere I could curl up and die. Time heals everything.

Yeah right, five years have done nothing to cure my broken soul. New York was my latest choice. I thought that with a change in scenery, I might finally be able to heal my shattered heart. But how could I? When all I felt was damaged.

The same sudden sadness gripped my heart, tugging on it till I couldn't help but cry.

It was the same feeling I had for the last five years. All day, every day.

I was constantly bursting out in random sets of tears. I stared at a cat braving the freezing weather, prancing around the snow. I gulped down the rest of my tea, the drink enough to warm me up from the inside. A noise by the front door pulled my attention away from watching the cat. I turned around slowly, my heart beating faster, fear building inside me. I moved a bit to the left aligning myself with the door.

The phone rang, making me jump, nearly causing me to drop the cup. It took me a moment to realize it was the cell phone in my handbag that was ringing. I retrieved my bag from my bedroom, rummaging through it for the ringing phone.

"Hello," I answered after the tenth ring. The phone call was clearly important, because nobody would let it ring for so long and not hang up. "Ava?" A familiar voice said on the other side of the line. I knew that voice well, except she sounded like she was in trouble. "Sasha, what's wrong?" I asked, immediately alarmed.

Sasha and I have known each other for most of her life. I was there when she was born, and has been blessed to see her grow up. She had become a lovely young woman, and the last time we talked she was starting a new job, truly excited.

"It's my mom," she said starting to sob. I leaned against the wall, sliding down to the ground. This wasn't going to be good news if Sasha's sobs were any indication. There was a new voice in the background, then silence. A few seconds passed before someone spoke again. "Hey Ava, its Dave," Sasha's husband greeted me.

I couldn't find my voice to say anything, but I didn't have to.

"Toni passed away earlier this morning." When life's shit it just gets worse, don't let anyone tell you it doesn't. Every cloud has a silver lining. Yeah, silver lining my ass. There was no silver lining in my existence. The last silver lining I had, I had to give up. "I'll get the first flight out," I said finding my voice.

"Thank you," Dave said sounding reassured.

I hung up, got to my feet, and grabbed my handbag. I switched off the television, headed out, locking the door behind me. Everything I needed was in my handbag. Anything more I needed I could buy. I took a cab to the airport, getting on the first available flight to California. I walked through the terminal exiting into the area populated with people waiting on passengers. I spotted Sasha and Dave the second I came through the doors. Sasha ran to me, throwing herself in my arms.

Sasha's a tall, athletic woman, with thick brown hair, and brilliant smile. She has the ability to make people pay attention to her even at the worst of times. And to see her so wrecked and defeated broke my heart. I held her tight, stroking her hair and letting her cry. Her whole body relaxed, her relief easy to identify. I looked at Dave, a look of helplessness in his eyes. I gave him a solemn smile and he returned it. Dave was tall, dark and handsome. He had dark brown penetrating eyes that were deep and soulful, and cheekbones that would make any male model envious.

With my arm around Sasha's shoulder, and Dave holding her hand we left the airport. We drove from the airport to Charming, the place Sasha and Dave called home.


	4. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

**_What It's Like To Feel_**

**_"Nothing ever stops all these thoughts and the pain attached to them. Sometimes I wonder why this is happening. It's like nothing I can do would distract me when I think of how I shot myself in the back again..." ~ Linkin Park_**

**_"I'm not listening to you. I am wandering right through existence. With no purpose and no drive. 'Cause in the end we're all alive..." ~ The Pretty Reckless_**

**_"Come feed the rain 'cause I'm thirsty for your love dancing underneath the skies of lust..." ~ Poets of the Fall_**

_His hands tightened around my throat, as he pushed me against the wall. His beast was glaring at me, lust and hunger driving it. His lips devoured mine, his nails cutting into my skin. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist, deepening the kiss. His hand loosened around my neck and he grabbed hold of my ass, pressing himself against me. I ran my fingers through his hair, and grabbed a fistful of hair, pulling his head back. His beast stared at me and I exposed my neck, directing his attention to the vein throbbing underneath my skin. He bowed his head down and bit me, drinking the sweet nectar from my vein. _

I sat up in a cold sweat, my heart hammering in my chest and my body yearning.

I closed my eyes and worked on getting my breathing under control. I inhaled and exhaled slowly, opening my eyes. I caught sight of my running shoes near the door and got up. I changed into running shorts, a tank-top and my shoes. I needed to clear my head and what better way than going out and having a run.

Well alcohol would be better, but I wanted to clear my head not drown my sorrows.

I grabbed my iPod, earphones and room key. I stuck my room key in my pocket, and strapped my iPod to my arm. I set off running not really fussed with direction. Once I started I couldn't stop. I pushed myself to go faster, my feet pounding against the cement. My legs and chest started to burn my body fighting against the strain.

I kept running until I couldn't anymore. I stopped my vision blurred by tears.

I sat down on my heels and covered my eyes, my emotions overwhelming my self control. I took a few minutes to shed my tears and pull myself together.

The last couple of weeks I had no control over my emotions, finding myself shedding tears for the smallest of things. The tears came in quick and unexpected short bursts.

I got up and wiped the tears from my face and the sweat from my brow.

Looking around I realized I had no idea where I was. Maybe going for a run blindly wasn't such a good idea. I turned around trying to work out which direction I was coming from, when suddenly the roar of a motorcycle made me jump. I turned around coming face to face with the guy from the bar. That's the thing about small towns, one night stands tend to result in awkward small talk situations. I put on my best smile and removed the earphones. It was too late to make a run for it and pretend like I didn't see him. Besides that wouldn't be the most mature thing to do anyway, so I was going to have to make small talk. "Get on," he said smiling.

"As a rule I don't take rides from strangers," I said.

"I'm hardly a stranger," he observed.

"Really? Then what's my name?" I asked.

"Dr. Ava Winters," he said smugly.

"Impressive. But I'm still not going with you," I said putting my earphones back into my ears. "C'mon you know you want to," he said.

"I can't hear you!" I said loudly, pointing to my ears. I turned away and jogged the opposite direction. He didn't give up, I should've known he wouldn't.

"You do know that you're going the wrong way, right!" he yelled over the drone of the motorcycle and my music. I stopped switching off my music. I turned and gave him my full attention. "Fine, you win." I needed a distraction and here he was, so why not take him up on his offer. I got on and he took off his helmet handing it to me.

I put my hands around his waist as he pulled away from the curb. We drove out of town, as the sun started to set, the road scenic everything a shadowy blur. It felt good to have the wind in my face, and for the first time I felt myself relax. We slowed down coming to a stop near a clearing. The second he turned off the ignition, I hopped off taking off the helmet. I walked over to the shadows taking in the view.

I felt his eyes on me; his turn to judge me. I smiled to myself taking pleasure in the fact that he found me attractive. I turned to face him taking in the rest of his features. He was about 6-foot-1 with longish blond hair, deep blue eyes, handsome face and tough built. He looked like he's seen and done things in his lifetime that has caused him to be tougher than he necessarily was. But that was just an assumption, and I had no intentions of digging further into his mind to see if I was right. He had on baggy faded blue jeans, a white T-Shirt, white sneakers and the cut of his Motorcycle Club.

I didn't know too much about Motorcycle Clubs, but this is a small town and people do like to talk. Dave - who saw me emerge from the Club House and do the walk of shame while on his morning run - made it clear that I shouldn't get involved.

His exact words were that once I was in I couldn't get out. He made it sound like a cult. I know that it's cultish, but honestly I wasn't looking for anything serious.

I was only looking to have a little fun. It's about time I did something that made me happy, or at least brought me close to happiness. "I still don't know your name," I said over my shoulder. "Jax," he introduced himself.

I kicked off my shoes and took off my socks, curling my toes in the grass.

Jax came to a stand next to me. I turned to look at him his presence intoxicating.

Jax inched closer to me, took my face in his hands and brought his lips down on mine.

I turned into him allowing him to kiss me and explore my body with his hands.

He pressed me against a tree, the kiss deepening, lust rolling off him like tidal waves.

I tapped into his emotions relishing in the euphoria he was feeling.

It didn't take long before it was impossible for me to distinguish between my feelings and Jax's. Usually that would bother me, but it didn't today, because for the first time in years I felt something other than grief and loneliness. Jax's lust turned to pure yearning, his feelings overpowering my own and I allowed him to take control of the situation.


	5. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

**_Complications_**

**_"I drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door. I've had you so many times but somehow_**

**_I want more..." ~ Maroon 5_**

**_"Vows are spoken. To be broken. Feelings are intense. Words of trivial. Pleasures remain. So does the pain. Words are meaningless. And forgettable..." ~ Depeche Mode_**

**_"So petrified, I'm so scared to step into this ride. What if I lose my heart and fail declined? I won't forgive me if I give up trying..." ~ Adele_**

I opened the shower door and grabbed a big fluffy white towel, wrapping it around my body. I stepped out walking to the mirror, where I wiped the steam from the mirror leaning closer, inspecting my reflection. I had bags under my eyes, no gold in my skin, and bloodshot eyes. It's what a double shift did to someone who barely slept at night. I've been in town for a month and had no plans to leave anytime soon.

I wasn't planning on staying in Charming, but things change. Although Sasha was back at work, and seemingly over the worst of her grief. I still wasn't ready to leave her just yet. I turned away from the mirror, walking out into the bedroom heading to the closet. There was a knock on the door, echoing loudly in the room. My hair was still soaking wet water dripping on the carpet. I was tempted to reach out with my mind and see who was at the door, but stopped myself. If I wanted to be human, I had to act human. With that thought, I made sure the towel was secure around my body, before I opened the door. Outside the motel room stood Jax, dressed in casual jeans, a white t-shirt, and his SAMCRO vest. "Jax," I said with a smile, unable to help myself.

"Can I come in?" he asked, giving me a cocky smile, like he was positive I'd invite him in. He was right. I stepped out of the way, letting Jax in. He sauntered in like he owned the place, rubbing his chin and checking out the room. I wasn't sure what he was looking for, or why it was he came.

"I was driving home from the Shop and I found myself here," he said as if he could read my mind. I stared at the back of his head, wondering why he was lying again. "It's ten past two," I pointed out crossing my arms. Jax turned around that same troubled look in his eyes. A shadow of a smile played across his features, letting me know that he knew I was on to him. "Details," he said closing the distance between us. I shook my head taking a step back. "I'm exhausted," I said stepping past him.

In the seven weeks I've been in Charming, I've spent most of my free time with Jax.

But never once has he come to my motel room. I've always gone to him. So, it left me wondering why he had come here tonight. I walked over to my closet, getting dressed in a pair of knickers and a t-shirt. I turned back facing Jax. A mischievous smile pulled on his lips, his eyes no longer on my face. "You always get dressed in front of strangers?" he asked, interested. He stared at me from the shoulders down, obviously picturing us naked and in a compromising position. "You're a stranger?" I questioned, wandering across the room to the bed. I pulled the covers down, getting into bed, my eyes irritated and heavy. "I guess not," he said getting out of his clothes.

"What are you doing?" I asked, sitting up. Jax hung his jeans, shirt and vest over the chair by the door. He chose not to reply, instead locking the door and switching off the main light. "Going to bed," he answered casually, getting into bed next to me.

He turned on his side facing me and closed his eyes. I stared at him like he was nuts. Maybe he was. I don't know. Jax opened his eyes again meeting my green gaze.

"Are you gonna turn off the light?" he asked, indicating to the lamp on the nightstand. Taken aback, I turned off the lamp, turned on my side and pulled the covers up.

Jax scooted closer wrapping his arm around my waist. I don't think Jax and I have ever spent a night together without having sex. This was definitely unusual.

I thought I made it clear that I wasn't looking for anything serious. I just wanted to have some fun, and I thought Jax felt the same. "Stop analyzing this and get some sleep," Jax whispered in my ear. Man, he was good. I put away all my doubts and fears about what was going on, closed my eyes, and drifted off to sleep in Jax's arms.

"I'm fine," Sasha said over her shoulder as I walked into the kitchen. "I wasn't going to ask, but good to know," I replied with a smile. Sasha smiled and rolled her eyes, going back to chopping carrots. I went to the fridge and retrieved the marinated steaks.

"I am starving," I said closing the fridge. Sasha turned around, wiping her hands on a dish cloth, a smile on her face. "I'm glad to see that you've got your appetite back," she joked, dropping the cloth on the counter next to her. "I can say the same thing for you," I said with a smile matching Sasha's. "I know that I've been a pain the last few weeks, but thank you for staying," she said sadness clouding her face.

"Oh no," I said walking towards her. "We're not going to cry. Not tonight."

"You're right. Tonight will be fun," she pointed out the light returning to her eyes. "That's the spirit, so where is the wine?" I asked.

Sasha's smile broadened and she walked over to a cupboard in the corner of the kitchen, getting an unopened bottle of red wine. "Let's get drunk," she said.

Two hours, a great home cooked meal, and two bottles of wine later I found myself feeling relaxed and in a great mood. Sasha's infectious laughter vibrated through the house, leaving us all feeling content. We all stopped laughing catching our breaths, wiping tears from the corner of our eyes. Sasha looked at Dave and a look of concern crossed their beautiful features. "What?" I asked, the fun and games over.

"How much do you know about Jackson Teller?" Sasha asked, concerned.

"Please don't start," I said downing the rest of my wine.

"Sweetie," Sasha said in her I'm-concerned-about-you voice.

I knew that voice all too well. It was her lecture voice. The one she used when she thought I was making the wrong decisions in life. Which, if you think about it, means that she was lecturing someone who is technically a lot older than her. I don't know about you, but wasn't I suppose to be the one giving her lectures? Just a thought.

"Getting involved with Jackson Teller will only bring you heartache."

"I'm not getting involved with anyone." I got up and walked out of the room, heading to the kitchen. Sasha stood up following me.

"You've been with him every night for the last week, and that's not getting involved?"

"It hasn't been _every_ night," I said a bit too defensively.

"Well you've spent _a lot_ of time together."

"It's only physical."

"That's what you said about Damon, if I'm not mistaken."

It was like someone sucker punched me in the gut. I leaned against the counter, barely able to breathe. "What happened in Glenview, Ava?"

"Nothing."

"C'mon I'm no fool. Something happened that made you vanish into thin air, for three years."

"Let's just say I saw the error of my ways, and leave it at that."

"Ava? I know there's more to it than that." Sasha and I stared at each, neither one of us going to back down without a fight. I sighed and gave up. She always got what she wanted. "I fell in love with a man who tried to kill me, and now I'm reminded of the fact, because I opened my mind to him," I said, getting it over with. It physically hurt to just talk about it. "Damon tried to kill you, again?"

"Yes, and in order to safe myself I opened myself to him. So, now I'll always be reminded of what an idiot I was, and how much it hurts."

"Oh sweetie, I'm sorry."

"Really Sash? You're going to pity me?"

"No, because getting involved with Jax is going to get you killed," she said sternly.

She leaned against the counter crossing her arms.

"Once you're in you'll never get out."

"I almost got killed by a vampire, and you're worried about a few bikers?"

"I'm only looking out for you, Ava."

"And I appreciate it, but there is nothing to be worried about."

"Just don't get too attached to that boy, or you'll be roped into that family before you know it," Sasha said matter-of-factly. She was right, she knew me too well.

"I promise," I said, giving her a reassuring smile.

"I'm not holding my breath," she voiced, pushing away from the counter. She walked towards me and gave me a kiss on the head. "Just be careful," she added still looking concerned. I stared at her something telling me there was more she wanted to say. "What?"

"What, what?" she said raising an eyebrow.

"There's something you want to tell me, but you're not. Why?"

"It's nothing," Sasha said taking a step back.

"Sash," I pushed. I needed to know what she wasn't telling me.

"Okay, fine." She sighed. "I think you need to know that Jackson's ex-wife is pregnant." My heart dropped, my blood running cold. How did I not know this?

I caught myself before I could analyze it anymore. No! This was purely physical, I reminded myself. "And?" I asked, disregarding my emotions.

"Nothing. Just make sure you're careful."

"I'm a big girl, Sash."

"I know," she said rubbing my arm.


	6. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

_**Feelings**_

_**"I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence. The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth. Please don't tell me that we had that conversation. I won't remember, save your breath, 'coz what's the use..." ~ Pink**_

_**"I'm conflicted, I inhale now I'm addicted. To this place, to you babe...We get up, we go down. **__**Then we go one more round. It's wrong, they say. I can't stay away" ~ The Veronicas**_

_**"I know this crazy life can be a bitter pill to swallow. So forget about tomorrow. Tonight, we're drinking from the bottle..." ~ Calvin Harris**_

_**"The wound heals but it never does. That's cause you're at war with love..." ~ Lupe Fiasco**_

I stepped out of St. Thomas Hospital the wind nipping at my exposed flesh. I tied my hair back, glad to be going home. It had been a very, very long day and I couldn't wait to get back to the Motel and soak in the tub. I reached my car, only to be greeted by none other than Jax himself. He sat parked next to my car, his arms folded, patiently waiting. It's been almost a week since we've talked. Ever since my talk with Sasha I decided that it was better if Jax and I didn't get too involved with each other.

It was going to save us all the trouble of broken promises and hearts in the long haul. It was for the better if Jax just moved on to his next sexual conquest. Especially with his ex-wife and ex-high-school-first-love-girlfriend now living in the same town. It was a recipe for disaster if I've ever seen one. And to be quite honest I wasn't in any way interested to be caught in the middle of all that drama.

"I'm tired, Jax," I said unlocking my car. I threw my handbag on the passenger seat, turning back to face Jax. "I've just finished a double shift."

"I just want to talk," he said getting off his bike.

"There's nothing to talk about." I got in my car, putting a stop to any notions Jax had of trying to sneak in a touch or a glance that might make me go back on my decision.

I drove off leaving Jax and his motorcycle in the parking lot. It was better this way.

Life was hard enough without adding anymore disappointment and heartache.

I pulled into the parking space in front of the motel room. I locked the room door behind me, kicking off my shoes. I threw my handbag down on the small rickety table in the room, letting my hair down. I shook out my hair, bending down in front of the mini-bar, getting out the opened whiskey bottle. It wasn't the best but it did the trick.

I poured myself a glass, sitting down on the bed, gulping down the liquid. I poured another, and another, and another, drowning my sorrows.

I turned on the little clock radio on the bedside table, changing it to a station with decent-ish music, turning up the volume. I got up, took off my dirty clothes and kicked the dirty piles of clothes under the bed. The alcohol was starting to take effect, the tension of the day slipping away. I poured another drink, knocking it back.

A nice dance track came on, and I let myself go. I danced around the room in my underwear feeling free, and well, a bit tipsy. I tripped over one of my shoes, tumbling to the ground. I landed on my ass, the alcohol doing nothing to numb the pain. I looked around and started laughing. At first the sounds competing with the loudness of the music were my laughs, but they soon turned into full out sobs.

I wiped my eyes and nose, doing the whole laughing-crying thing looking like a slobbering-hysterical mess. I let myself fall apart for a few moments, before I reigned in my emotions and pulled myself together again. I got up from the floor and started drinking from the bottle. The glass was no use to me anymore. I finished the bottle letting it fall to the ground. I sat back against the headboard looking around the room in a drunken daze. Even drunk the voices in my head didn't subside.

For some godforsaken reason they seemed louder. I stumbled off the bed and to the bathroom. I got in the bathtub turning on the faucet. I laid down submerging myself under water. The coldness of the water felt refreshing. I re-emerged pushing my hair out of my face. A knock from the motel room door pulling me from my thoughts.

I reached out with my mind finding the presence of the person knocking. Jax.

I should've known. I got out of the tub, wrapping my body in a towel. I walked to the door, opening it. Jax stood outside, his face sporting a couple of bruises. I didn't have to be a mind reader to know that he's been in a fight. The alcohol was already starting to wear off, and I wasn't in the mood to deal with Jax and the issues surrounding him. "I just want to talk," he said, leaning against the door frame.

"Okay." I stepped out of the way, allowing Jax entry.

I knew that what I was doing was foolish, because I knew very well that nothing could come of this thing between us for reasons I've already listed. But I didn't say it. Maybe it's because I was too terrified of being alone with the voice in my head, or because I knew Jax needed someone to keep him distracted. I was going against my better judgment, but what was a little more drama, really?

We were both going through a rough patch. Why not console each other? So I did what I knew best. I dropped the towel standing in front of Jax in all my naked glory.

Jax bent down picking up the discarded towel, gripping it in his hand. He seemed to be fighting himself on something, his face fixed in a concentrated glare.

"Let's just talk, okay," Jax said handing me the towel. I took the towel feeling rejected and confused. I wrapped it around my body not really sure what there was to talk about. I didn't want to talk. I had nothing much to say, at least nothing Jax would like to hear right now. I turned my back on him walking to the closet and pulling out a tank top and underwear. I got dressed feeling annoyed. I plopped down in one of the chairs, leaned back and crossed my legs. Jax took a seat on the edge of the bed, resting his elbows on his knees. He ran his palm over his face and sighed.

"You want to talk, so talk," I said.

"The thing with Wendy's been over for months," he started looking at me.

"It's none of my business, Jax."

"Dammit Ava!" he snapped. He shook his head, took a breath and looked at me again. "I'm trying to be honest with you."

"Let me tell you what I see," I began, sitting forward in my chair. "I see a criminal and his junkie ex who is about to have a kid together. That's a whole heap of drama that I'm not interested in."

"Right because you're above us all, right?"

"No!" It was my turn to snap. Why was it always about class with people.

I'm a Doctor. So fucking what. That didn't mean I thought I was God, for god's sake! I didn't start out as a Doctor now did I? I've killed more people in my lifetime than I've saved in the last three decades. "I'm not interested in playing mum to your child and become your old lady."

"Christ! Nobody asked you to play mum or become my old lady."

"Then why are you here, Jax?" My question threw him. I answered for him.

"Because this has become more to you than just sex!"

"What if it has?" he raised his voice, getting up and stomping towards me. He stood over me, boxing me in with his arms. "What if we can make this work?"

"Wendy's carrying your child!"

"So what!"

"Why?"

"Why?" He looked taken aback and wasn't too sure what I meant with the question.

"Why did you get divorced?" I clarified.

"She's an addict. But you know that already."

He stepped away and sat down on the bed again. "But you got together again."

"She got clean. I tried to save my marriage."

"Why not now?" I asked getting up, walking towards him.

"What's stopping you from trying to be a family again?"

Jax contemplated my question, as if trying to come up with the right answer. There of course was none. The answer didn't matter. Not really.

"She's never going to change," he said.

"You can't guarantee that once your son is born old feelings for Wendy won't surface again." See already this has become complicated. Feelings ruined everything.

Jax didn't answer. He just sat and stared at the ground. Love had no guarantees.

After a few moments silence I spoke. "I think you should go, Jax."


	7. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

_**Alcohol & Food**_

"_**But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine. Sit talking up all night..." ~ The Script**_

_**"You make me feel good, you make me feel safe, you make me feel like I could live another day..." **__**~ Jessie J**_

"_**Do you feel cold and lost in desperation? You build up hope, but failure's all you've known. Remember all the sadness and frustration. And let it go..." ~ Linkin Park**_

I stepped away from the bed and gave the defibrillator paddles to a nurse. The medical monitor's continuous beep indicating that there was nothing we could do. I looked at the clock in the operating room announcing time of death. I removed my bloody gloves and surgical cap leaving the room. I cleaned myself up, my heart racing. I should be used to this by now, but losing a patient never gets any easier.

I did all I could in there. I knew it and so did the rest of the staff. But it still felt like I failed. I have failed myself and I have failed the patient's family. I made the dreaded walk back to the waiting room, my hands shaking, my heart beating fast in my chest. The family got to their feet when they saw me approach. I looked at them each in turn before I spoke. I gave them the same speech I always did. The same speech every doctor recites. I did all I could, the surgery wasn't a success etcetera etcetera. And every time I have to see the family's world be turned upside down. I left the family to mourn their loss, and headed back to my office.

I sat down behind my desk, resting my head in my hands and closing my eyes. I took a couple of deep breaths trying to keep the panic attack at bay. It didn't work, the walls were closing in around me, my heart racing and my breaths coming in short painful gasps. I gripped the edge of my desk, forcing myself to calm down.

It took a few minutes, but I relaxed, the panic attack subsiding. I got up from behind my desk and grabbed my hand bag, ready to go home. I hurried out of the Hospital, getting into my car and driving off. The sun was starting to set when I pulled into the Motel parking lot. I got out of the car and headed to the room I was staying in. I closed the door behind me, dropping my handbag on the end of the bed and sitting down.

I took off my shoes and got out of the dress I wore to work. I pulled on a tank top and short pyjama shorts, heading to the mini fridge. I took out the unopened bottle of wine and opened it, pouring myself a drink. I switched on the clock radio, and took a seat on the floor wine glass in one hand and the bottle in the other. I sipped on the wine contemplating life. After another two glasses I came to the conclusion that life sucked.

I poured myself another glass when someone knocked on the door. I ignored it and took a swig of wine. "Ava?" Alex called from the outside. Alex's the Sergeant-at-Arms of Sons of Anarchy which, in layman's terms, basically means he made sure there was no unrest within the Club and town, and to do the Club's dirty work. And in the weeks I've been here and the time I spent with Jax, Alex and I got closer. We hit it off when we got introduced to each other, and we've become good friends.

"Go away, Alex," I called gulping down the last bit of wine.

"C'mon Ava, open the door."

"It's not locked," I said emptying the bottle of wine into my glass. Alex opened the door, appearing in the room with two six packs.

"You look like crap," he observed kicking the door shut.

"I feel worse," I said honestly. Alex took a seat next to me, placing the beer on the floor in front of us. "What's happened?" he asked opening a bottle of beer.

I took a sip from my glass shaking my head. "Life."

"Tell me about it."

"Do you think it'll ever get better?"

"Better?"

"Maybe I should say easier. Do you think life gets any easier?"

"Better, maybe. Easier, no."

"That's what I thought," I concurred downing the last of my wine.

"Rough day I take it."

"Rough year," I corrected taking the beer Alex offered me.

Alex put his arm around my shoulder and I rested my head against his shoulder. We each took a gulp of beer, lost in our own thoughts. We sat in silence drinking our beers and listening to the drone of the radio. "What's happened?" I asked breaking the silence.

"Life," Alex replied. We took another swig of beer in unison. After a few moments Alex spoke, "well, on the bright side we can still get drunk."

"I'll drink to that," I replied toasting the fact with Alex.

I woke up the next morning with a terrible headache. Alex was sprawled, face down, next to me, snoring softly. I looked down at myself glad to see that I still had on all my clothes. I laid back, pulling the blanket over my head blocking out the harsh ray of sunlight. About mid day I startled awake when Alex moved. He scrambled out of bed reaching for his phone. I sat up rubbing my eyes, my head still throbbing.

Alex yes and _ahhed_, before he snapped his phone shut.

"Trouble?" I asked crossing my legs.

"When is there not," he replied, grabbing his shoes. He came over and leaned in giving me a kiss on the forehead. "See you around," I said as he left the room.

I fell back pulling the blanket with me. There was a knock on the door before Sasha waltzed in. "Was that Alex Trager who I saw driving past me?" she asked closing the door. "Yes," I replied getting up. "Ava," Sasha chastised, crossing her arms.

"We only talked," I said. Sasha raised an eyebrow giving me her I-don't-believe-you-face. "Hey!" I said offended. "I did not sleep with him. Well, we did sleep together but in a purely platonic way."

"If you say so," she said sitting down on one of the chairs. I took a couple of aspirin for my headache, washing it down with a gulp of water. "Rough night?"

"Same old, same old," I said sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Just wanted to know if you wanted to go get lunch."

"Oh God yes! I'm starving!"

"Okay then," she said getting up.

"Let me just jump in the shower," I said heading to the bathroom. I climbed in the shower, the water glorious on my skin.

"I'm sorry about your patient," Sasha yelled from the other room. "Shit happens," I said getting out of the shower. I went into the room and got dressed.

"God, Ava. We're not in high school anymore."

"Oh my God, Sash. You've seen it all before."

"You're just so damn perfect."

"Hardly," I said pulling my hair into a messy ponytail. "Done," I said grabbing my handbag. We left and I locked the door. "What do you feel like?" Sasha asked getting in her car. I got into the passenger side, "something greasy and yuck."

"That sounds perfect."


	8. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

_**Easier To Run**_

"_**Sucker love is heaven sent. You pucker up, our passion's spent. My hearts a tart, your body's rent. My body's broken, yours is bent..." ~ Placebo**_

"_**Something has been taken from deep inside of me. The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see. Wounds so deep they never show they never go away. Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played..." ~ Linkin Park**_

"_**Oh, you're in my veins, and I cannot get you out. Oh, you're all I taste, at night inside of my mouth. Oh, you run away, cause I am not what you found. Oh, you're in my veins, and I cannot get you out..." ~ Andrew Belle**_

I walked into the bar the Sons owned and sat down at the bar, ordering myself a whiskey. I needed alcohol, and lots of it. The bartender put the glass down in front of me, moving on to the next person. I gulped down the drink, already feeling the tension leave my body. "I'll have what she's having," Alex said sitting down next to me.

I couldn't help but smile. "If you're trying to get me drunk and have your way with me, it's not going to work," I said turning around so I could face him. He gave me a handsome smile, the crow's feet around his eyes giving away his age.

I smiled at him, turning my whole body around to face him, crossing my legs.

"I will get you out of your clothes one way or another," he replied cunningly.

"I bet you will, but not tonight tiger," I said turning back, gulping down the contents of my glass. "Not last night, not tonight. What does it take?" Alex asked jokingly.

"Just keep buying me alcohol and maybe some night you'll get lucky," I said playfully. The stool on the other side of me was filled by a familiar presence. I looked to my side, my eyes falling on Jax. "Tigs here bothering you?" Jax asked, indicating to Alex.

I looked over my shoulder at Alex, that same sly smile playing on his lips. I shook my head, giving Alex a wink, grinning. "He just offered to pay for my drink," I replied.

"Care to join me?" Jax asked, getting to his feet and offering me his hand.

I stared at him, unsure whether I should or not. After our last conversation I wasn't sure where we were standing. Oh who was I kidding? I didn't like spending my nights alone. I could do with some company. Leave my troubles behind for the night. I took Jax's hand, allowing him to pull me to my feet.

"Thanks for the drink," I said over my shoulder. Alex winked, downing the rest of the contents of his glass. I smiled over my shoulder, letting Jax pull me away to his room in the back. Jax closed the door of the room, never once taking his eyes of me.

I dropped my handbag on the floor and kicked off my shoes. I took off my shirt, dropped it on the floor, giving Jax my most seductive smile.

"God, you're beautiful," he said taking a step closer to me.

I took a step back shaking my head. "Not until you're naked."

Jax laughed, but obeyed my request. He took off his hoodie and T-shirt in one go, exposing his tattoos. I giggled, unzipping my jeans, wriggling out of them.

Jax followed my lead and took off his jeans. Our gazes fixed on each other, I saw the lust dance in his eyes, as he took in every inch of me. I unhooked my bra, letting it fall to the ground. "Are you just going to stand there?" I asked, slipping out of my thong.

Jax didn't reply. He simply guided me to the bed. I sat down, Jax's hands moving up my thighs. I laid back on my elbows closing my eyes and enjoyed the sensation Jax's lips were creating on my skin. Jax came up and leaned over kissing me.

I kissed back tangling my fingers in his hair. His fingers brushed the inside of my thigh finding the very core of the fire burning inside me. I gasped into the kiss throwing my head back. Jax smiled into my neck his fingers creating magic.

I moaned arching my back. Jax kissed my throat, moving across my collarbone, and down between my breasts. I ran my fingers through his hair guiding his head down my stomach. He trailed kisses down my stomach, pausing at my belly button. He lifted my right leg, kissing the inside of my thigh.

I woke up caged in by an arm and leg. I slithered out from under Jax, trying hard not to wake him. I slid to the ground, crawling to where I dropped my clothes. I picked up my garments and got dressed as quickly as I could manage. I got my shoes and handbag slipping out of the room. I tiptoed out of the building, being as quiet as possible while doing my walk of shame. I reached the bar area, a few of the Club members passed out around the room, half naked girls around them.

The door opened and I stopped in my tracks. Wendy, Jax's pregnant ex-wife, waddled through the door her stomach nice and round. Wendy was a tall, really Italian, blonde woman. If I had been a normal girl, I would have been intimidated by her. It's obvious to see why she was Jax's old lady. Even pregnant she could struck fear into any woman. Oh who was I kidding? Wendy scared me just a little. I turned around and ran back to Jax's room. I closed the door behind me, rushing to the bed.

"Jax!" I whispered loudly. I panicked like someone getting caught stealing.

Jax stirred opening his eyes slowly. I looked over my shoulder expecting Wendy to come in at any moment. "Jax!" I whispered, again. "Wendy!"

The door knob turned and I left Jax in bed, dashing into the bathroom. I hid behind the door like a thief. I wasn't sure why I felt the need to hide. It wasn't like Jax and Wendy were still together. I waited in the bathroom, trying my best to ignore their conversation. But I couldn't help over hearing their argument. I found out more about their relationship and Wendy than I cared to know. I waited patiently, sitting down on the toilet, my arms on my knees. Eventually the argument stopped, the door opened and Wendy left, slamming the door shut behind her. I gave a silent sigh of relief getting up. I walked back into the room. "Ava," Jax began, but I didn't give him a chance to finish. "Really. I don't need to know," I said with a shake of my head.

I left the room quickly and quietly. I made it out of the building and into my car.

I needed to stop this. Jax was about to become a father, and the situation with his ex was anything but straight forward. I really didn't want to be caught up in any family drama.

_Fear. That's it. The overwhelming feeling I was experiencing was fear. It was telling me to run. I turned around, smacking face first into something solid. __I stumbled back, falling onto my bed. I looked up meeting Damon's knowing gaze. "Avalon," he greeted his crooked smile lingering on his beautiful face. "Damon," I breathed. H__e climbed on top of me, pinning me to the bed. He brushed my cheek gently with his fingertips, like I was made out of porcelain. My whole body reacted to Damon and his touch. Damon's thoughts trickled into mine, slowly getting clearer. Damon turned my face ever so slightly exposing my neck and the vein that lay beneath my skin. __His eagerness to consume my blood terrified me. "Why are you here?" I asked, watching him from the corner of my eye. Damon laughed, licking the skin where he first bit me. My skin tingled with goose bumps, an involuntarily moan slipping from my lips. He smiled against my throat rubbing his nose in the hollow of my neck. __Warmth spread through my body settling between my legs. "I think you know why," he whispered. I swallowed, my mind too clouded to think straight. Damon kissed my collarbone, running his fingers up my leg. I was so distracted by his mouth that I hardly paid attention to his left hand. When his fingers reached between my thighs my mind snapped back into focus. Damon had ripped my dress, removing any obstacles that may have been in his way. "Avalon," Damon said meeting my gaze, forcing me to think and recall why it was he came for me now. My blood. __Damon pressed his hand down on my throat his nails digging into my flesh. __I struggled to breathe under Damon's tight grip. He tightened his grasp around my neck, squeezing harder. My vision blurred and unconsciousness started to set in. __One second I was blacking out, the next I was on my side gasping for breath, the weight on my air pipe lifted. A warning rang in my ears, sounding rather eerie. __Like a warning from a cold-hearted being. _"_I'll always find you," Damon's voice vowed. _

I sat up, clammy and cold. Wind blew through the open window, the curtains dancing with each howl. My heart was racing, Damon's words echoing in my ears. It wasn't a dream, it was more like a memory playing itself out. I lied back down, keeping an eye on the window. There was an ache in my chest that I couldn't get rid of.

Couldn't I just get one night? Was it too much to ask for? I just wanted a decent night's sleep. I wanted one night where my sleep wasn't interrupted by memories of him. One night where I wasn't reminded of his touch. I just wanted the constant reminders of what I could never have to stop. I closed my eyes, but it didn't stop the tears. I turned on my side, hugging the covers to my chest, letting my tears fall freely. I gave in to his voice in my head. My heart skipped a beat by the mere memory of him, and the way he made me feel. He had become this thing I couldn't get rid of.

He had power over me, and it was slowly dragging me under. He consumed every part of me. Even after all these years. I thought that over the years the ache would lessen.

It hadn't. I cried and got it out of my system. A few minutes later I sat up again, wiping my face dry, getting out of bed. I got dressed in jog shorts, a tank top, and running shoes. It's time to get Damon out of my system. It's been eight years. Eight, long, lonely years.


	9. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

_**Venice**_

"_**And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine..." ~ Eminem**_

_**"I'm about to snap, and like magnets we attract, but no matter how bad, we just keep on coming back..." ~ Anth**_

"_**You're a knife. Sharp and deadly. And it's me, that you cut into. But I don't mind. In fact I like it. Though I'm terrified, I'm turned on but scared of you" ~ Ne-Yo**_

"_**I want your psycho. Your vertical kiss. I want you in my bed. I'll make you sick..." ~ 30 Seconds to Mars**_

_September 1904_

"Buon giorno signora," Fabian said standing next to his fruit cart. Fabian owned his own little fruit cart and sold the most delicious fruit I have ever tasted.

"Buon giorno," I greeted with my best smile. It was a lovely morning out and as usual the streets were abuzz with people going about doing their daily errands. Fabian took my hand placed an apple in my palm and put my other hand on top. I inclined my head graciously, my smile still in place. It was how Fabian greeted me every morning, and every morning he gave me fruit. He thought I was too skinny and repeatedly told me to eat more. I took the apple, thanked him and went on my merry way.

Venice was beautiful this time of year and the people were very friendly. I've been on the run for so long it was nice to find a place where I could settle down, if only until Damon or The Assembly found me. For several years I only lived with absolute necessities. Life on the run was far from glamorous and it was extremely lonely.

I couldn't afford to get too close to people or form real bonds. I had to have a new identity everywhere I went. I've been a woman of many names, many ethnicities, and many backgrounds. When I arrived in Italy I found only a hand full of Keepers.

I made sure I stayed a safe distance away, and finally found Venice.

A city with not a single Keeper or supernatural creature. A rarity in itself.

Venice was the first place I encountered that I felt I could stay for a while, if only it was just for a year. I ran into a local girl, Aida, who grabbed hold of the hem of my dress. Again this was normal. I met Aida in the little school I was teaching at.

She was in my class and had formed an attachment to me. Aida was five and absolutely adorable. I smiled down at her, took her hand, and gave her the apple Fabian gave me. "Grazie," she said taking a huge bite. We walked to school together all the while Aida telling me about her weekend.

It was my birthday and I didn't want to spend it alone for the seventh year, so I finally agreed to have dinner with a colleague of mine. Roberto had been asking me out for dinner for a couple of weeks, but I kept saying no. I thought that by now I would have been on the run again, but it had been weeks and no sign of Damon or Vincent.

Well I doubted Vincent would look for me himself. He would have his guards do all the work. I thought that if they haven't found me yet then I might have some time, and why not go out to dinner with a colleague. I didn't really know why I kept celebrating my birthday. It wasn't like I was getting any older so why pretend. I guess it made me feel somewhat normal. Celebrating your birth was one of the most normal things in a person's live. So, I kept pretending that with each birthday I got a year older, but I could only reach age thirty-three, before it looked like I was too young to be in my late thirties. Then I started at twenty again. For everyone that asked I told them I was twenty-two. Don't get me wrong it was great to never get old, but I did feel at times like I was stuck, forever playing the same role, in the same play.

I got dressed in the best dress I owned and pulled my hair out of my face.

At exactly seven thirty there was a knock on my door. I checked my reflection one last time and went to open the door. Roberto stood outside my door looking as handsome as he was at school. He was near six-foot-seven, with light brown hair, and a square jaw. He had a real handsome face, masculine and scruffy looking.

He smiled, took my hand and kissed it. "Sei bellissima," he said in a deep raspy voice. If I were a normal woman with not as much baggage I would have been more attracted to him. As it was I've seen what beauty the world held, and unfortunately Roberto didn't quite compare. "Grazie," I replied with a smile.

I walked out, locked the door behind me, and wrapped my hand around Roberto's elbow. We walked down the crowded street talking about life and school. We arrived at an intimate Cafe and were seated by a staff member. The Cafe wasn't too big, only eight small tables were scattered around the floor. The source of light were from the candles that were lit around the place. The time passed rather quickly and before I knew it I was back in front of my apartment building saying goodnight to Roberto, and thanking him for a nice evening. He kissed my hand again and bid me goodnight.

I waved goodbye, watching him leave and disappear around the corner. I smiled to myself, turning around to head upstairs to my apartment. Later in bed, I tossed and turned, haunted by nightmares. Very sinister and very uncanny. Damon's face, his eyes all dark and vampiric, lunged at me from the dark, teeth bared ready for attack.

I jumped out of bed screaming, hysterically batting away the sheets that clung to me. My hair was slightly wet with sweat, and my night dress stuck to my body.

My heart pounded in my chest and my breathing was erratic. I couldn't put my finger on it, but the dream left me with a peculiar feeling; like I was being watched.

I shook my head getting back into bed, my heart slowly returning to regular heartbeats, and my breathing more controllable. I turned onto my side and stared at my window expecting to see Damon's reflection. But he never showed. I fell asleep still facing the window.

I went about my day like nothing was out of place. I greeted Fabian like usual and took the apple he gave me. I gave Aida the apple and walked with her to school.

I smiled at people passing us, and taught the children with just as much enthusiasm as I always did. I wanted so badly to believe that last night's nightmare was just that...a nightmare. I returned home after teaching at the school and doing my shopping.

A group of women standing outside my apartment building greeted me with waves and smiles as I entered the building. I shouted a hello over my shoulder, the door closing behind me. I climbed the stairs taking my time, convincing myself that all was well, and that nobody was here to get me. I would hear any Keeper that entered town.

As for Damon, if he was really here he would find me sooner or later. There wasn't much I could do about that, expect run. Which wasn't such a bad idea when I think about it. I was tempting faith by staying here. I got to the second floor and stopped in my tracks. I swallowed my gasp, praying that I wasn't heard. I needed a moment to think. Do I run? Of course not, what was I thinking, it would only piss him off.

Leaning against the wall by my door stood Damon, just as tall and beautiful as ever.

He appeared to be oblivious to my presence, checking his sleeve for who knows what.

I backtracked, turned around and ran. What can I say my instinct to run took over, pushing away all rational thought. I ignored the cardinal rule of dealing with a predator. Never turn your back on them it only made the chase more exciting.

Damon, with his supernatural speed, caught up with me in less than a second.

He caught me around the waist and pulled me into him. My back smacked against his torso knocking the wind out of me. I dropped my shopping bags, clutching at Damon's arm. He pressed me against his chest, his free hand holding my face, turning it to the side. I was going to die. And it wouldn't even be an honorable death.

Damon pressed his nose against my skin, near my vein, and inhaled deeply.

"Still as lovely as I remember," he whispered his breath cold against my skin.

My heart rapped against my chest so loud I could hardly hear myself think. Needless to say I was petrified. I could barely breathe. I tried to pry Damon's arm loose but he didn't budge. No surprise. All I could do was hope I'd get out of this alive.

"I've been looking for you," he said tightening his hold around my waist, making it even harder to breathe. Damon could snap me in an instant and yet he didn't.

Not that it would kill me; just leave me in excruciating pain. Something I thought Damon would enjoy. "What took you so long then?" I asked my voice shaky.

I shut my eyes annoyed that I couldn't get a handle on my emotions.

"You were with someone last night," he observed. There was anger behind every syllable. "I had dinner with a colleague," I said not really following his trail of thought. Now, just wait a minute. Why on earth was I justifying myself to Damon?

"I can smell him on you," Damon snarled baring his teeth against my skin.

"You don't own me, Damon," I snapped tightening my fingers around Damon's wrist.

I was playing with fire. Damon could rip my throat out at any moment.

Damon pinned me against the wall, so fast I barely had an opportunity to breathe, his arm cutting off my air. My feet dangled in the air, Damon wrapping his fingers around my throat. Damon looked me in the eyes, antagonism vibrating off him.

"I don't want you seeing other men," he whispered furiously, his eyes dark pools of disgust. Not only could I not breathe, I could hardly think with him so close.

I swallowed with effort, managing a nod. I don't know why I agreed to Damon's provocation, I mean, it's not like I owed him anything. I guess I sort of liked Damon wanting me all to himself. Even if it was selfish on his part.

Our eyes met and Damon leaned in his lips crashing down on mine.

The kiss was rough and urgent, a hunger consuming Damon. I kissed back with just as much venom, my fingers tangling in his hair. I was doing exactly what I swore to never do again. I was on the run for this exact reason. For some unexplained reason Damon had this control over me that I just couldn't break. The kiss deepened and the world around me faded, Damon the only being I cared about.

His nails dug into my flesh drawing blood, but I didn't care. As suddenly as the kiss started it stopped. "Will you put me down?" I asked.

"Only if you invite me in," he said taking in the rest of my features.

It was as if he saw _me_ for the first time. It wouldn't have surprised me if he had only noticed me then. My blood was pretty overwhelming, especially to a being like Damon. "Why?" I asked raising an eyebrow. It was the last thing I wanted to do.

Inviting Damon in was as good as selling my soul to the devil.

"I want to give you your birthday present Avalon," he answered nibbling my ear.

Heat settled between my legs, and I knew Damon could sense my body betraying me.

"It's Angelina," I choked as his teeth scraped against my flesh.

I could feel it prick my skin, the tiniest bit of blood trickling down my neck.

Damon licked the blood away relishing in the taste.

"Well Angelina, are you going to invite me in?" Damon breathed.

His senses were alive after a taste of my blood. "No. I've learned my lesson," I said.

Damon didn't like my response one bit. He liked being in control and being defied, especially from someone who was weaker than him infuriated him.

"I really don't want to harm you," Damon said putting me down, but the smile on his face told me that he wouldn't think twice about hurting me.

I straightened my dress and hair, avoiding Damon's gaze. I was practically screwed.

I couldn't run because Damon would bring me right back, and it would just piss him off. And I didn't want to stay out in the corridor with Damon forever.

If I invited Damon in I would have to move again. So much for staying a year.

I was completely and utterly screwed. "Fine," I said feeling Damon probe at the edges of my mind, trying to find a way in. Damon stepped out of the way his eyes following my every move. I unlocked my door and invited Damon in. He strolled in carrying the bags, filled with food, that I had dropped in my failed attempt to run.

The cocky smirk on his gorgeous face told me that he was confident that I was going to eventually invite him in. "Lovely," Damon said looking around my small apartment. There wasn't really that much to it. A living area, kitchen, bedroom, and bathroom. That was it, far from grand. Damon placed the bags on the kitchen counter, and sat down on one of the arm chairs in my living area, picking up one of the many newspapers lying on the coffee table. It looked like he was engrossed in the news, but I knew that he was listening to my every move.

I unpacked the bags of food items as quickly as I could manage. I hate the feeling of being watched, it was rather intimidating. "I won't go anywhere," I informed Damon my back turned on him. "I know," he said turning a page.

I unpacked the last bag and threw the empty bags in the rubbish. I placed my palms on the counter in the kitchen and leaned forward closing my eyes. I didn't know what Damon was planning on doing, and it irritated me.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Avalon," Damon said from the living area.

I took a deep steadying breath. "It's Angelina."

"Messenger of God," Damon mused putting the paper down. I turned around to face him crossing my arms. Our eyes locked and a thrill ran down my spine.

Damon was in front of me in a blink of an eye. He had me in his arms in less than a second, pushing me back against the counter. He kissed me feverishly his hands roaming my body, ripping my garments as he went. It didn't take long for Damon to have me out of my clothes and bury himself deep inside me. I gasped when his teeth pierced the skin near my breast, as ecstasy pushed me over the edge.


	10. Chapter Nine

**Chapter Nine**

_**Falling for Her**_

_**"I drove for miles and miles, and wound up at your door. I've had you so many times but somehow. **__**I want more..." ~ Maroon 5**_

_**"I don't know you but I want you all the more for that. And words fall through me. And always fool me. And I can't react..." ~ The Frames**_

_**"We touch I feel a rush. We clutch it isn't much. But it's enough to make me wonder what's in store for us. It's lust, it's torturous. You must be a sorceress 'cause you just did the impossible. Gained my trust..." ~ Eminem**_

When I first saw her I thought she was the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. At about 5 foot 4, with thick curly brown hair dancing down her back and flawless skin the color of gold, she looked ravishing. But now seeing her out in daylight she _was_ the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. I had Half Sack, one of the prospects, do a little recon on the town newcomer and learned a lot. She was a heart surgeon and came to Charming to visit a friend. She's also single and was staying at a local motel.

I watched for two weeks as she came in night after night into the Clubhouse bar, drinking and dancing away her problems. A couple of nights ago I couldn't take it anymore, I had to be close to her. We had a couple of drinks, danced a little and I took her to a room in the back. She took off her clothes and I couldn't help but stare.

She looked beautiful, mystical. I slowed down to a crawl, smoke in one hand, and steering with the other. Ava Winters stood on the side of the rode looking hurt and lost. She looked around trying to figure out where she was and how to get back to where she came from. She was staying at the Motel a few miles back, in room six I was told. Half Sack did a thorough job on finding information on the mysterious woman. I stopped next to her, the roar of my motorcycle making her jump.

She looked caught off guard, looking like she was ready to bolt. Instead she smiled, the smile not really reaching her eyes. I smiled and said loudly, "get on."

She tried to hid the weariness and instead forced herself to keep on smiling.

"As a rule I don't take rides from strangers," she said.

"I'm hardly a stranger," I observed, recalling our night of naked pleasure.

"Really? Then what's my name?" she asked, haughtily.

"Dr. Ava Winters," I answered matter-of-factly.

"Impressive. But I'm still not going with you," she said, as she put her earphones back in her ears, ready to make a quick getaway. "C'mon you know you want to," I pushed.

"I can't hear you!" she yelled, as she pointed to her ears. I watched amused as she turned and started jogging in the wrong direction. I took a second to admire her from behind. God! She truly was stunning. Unable to watch her get lost even further I followed her. "You do know that you're going the wrong way, right!" I shouted over the drone of the motorcycle and her music. She stopped and turned, and I caught a glimpse of an eye roll. "Fine, you win," she said getting on. I took off my helmet and handed it to her. She put it on and wrapped her arms around my waist.

I pulled away from the curb and took her on a scenic drive. We drove out of town, taking a scenic route. I felt her relax against my back. The sun started to set, the sky darkening. I turned into a dirt road and slowed down near a clearing. I turned off the ignition and Ava jumped off. She took off her helmet, handed it to me, and set off towards the shadows. I took in the scene in front of me, mainly focusing on Ava.

I couldn't take my eyes of her ass, her shorts delicately accentuating her fine ass.

She turned around and faced me taking me in with her eyes. Her eyes told me she liked what she saw, and had a twinkle in them I didn't expect. She turned around again, giving me another chance to admire her from behind.

"I still don't know your name," she said over her shoulder. "Jax," I answered, as she kicked off her shoes and socks. That same need washed over me, and I went to stand next to her. I stepped closer and cupped her face bringing my lips to meet hers. Instinctively my hands went down to her ass, as she turned into me and allowed me to squeeze her behind. I took a couple of steps forwards pushing her against a tree, and deepened the kiss. She let down her walls and gave in to me.

Ava and I have been doing this dance for more than seven weeks, and every time I thought I had her figured out, I'd realize that I had no clue who she was or what she wanted. It was really difficult to get to know her. She was closed off and didn't let anyone get too close to her. I was never sure where we stood, or what our next move would be. She's one infuriating woman, most times driving me crazy.

But I simply couldn't stop myself from wanting to be close to her. There was something about her that intrigued me. I watched as Ava got out of her car and headed into the Supermarket. She looked around expecting to find someone following her.

A car back fired and she nearly jumped out of her skin. It was behavior like that that made me want to protect her. She came across as being strong and independent, and I have no doubt that that was exactly who she was. But, in the same sense she's a woman that looks at me with haunted eyes, and seemed to yearn for someone to love and protect her. And that's exactly what I wanted to do. I had this _need_ to be that person. I want to wrap my arms around her and tell her that everything will be alright.

I sat on my motorcycle lighting a cigarette, looking around for any possible threats.

Searching for the source of Ava's discomfort. There was none.

I couldn't detect anything or anyone that might cause Ava harm. Which led me to believe that it was something or someone from her past. Ava returned twenty-minutes later, carrying two brown paper bags filled with groceries. I watched as she put the bags into her car and got in immediately locking her doors. She switched on the ignition, looked in her rearview mirror and backed out leaving the parking lot.

I followed close behind ensuring that she got home safely.

She did and after making sure that she went inside, I left the motel parking lot and went to the Clubhouse. I saw Half-Sack and beckoned him over. He helped me reverse my motorcycle and park it. I got off and took off my helmet placing it on the handle of my motorcycle. "I need you to keep an eye on Dr. Winters," I said.

"What do I need to look out for?" he asked.

"Just keep her safe, okay."

"Okay, I'm on it," he said with a nod heading to his motorcycle.

Tigs, our sergeant-at-arm and Clay's right hand man, walked over putting out his smoke. "Is she in trouble?" he asked, coming to stand in front of me.

"No," I answered wondering why it was he cared.

"I don't trust Half-Sack with her safety," he said watching the kid leave the yard.

"I'll take care of her." Ava and Tigs have hit it off and have been spending a lot of time together. Tigs have assured me that there's nothing going on, but I wasn't convinced. "She's mine," I said feeling the need to bring it to his attention.

He took a step back with his hands in the air. "I simply care about the girl."

"I'm taking care of her."

"Okay then," Tigs said not sounding really convinced.

"I won't let anything happen to her," I assured him.


	11. Chapter Ten

**Chapter Ten**

_**Ready or Not**_

"_**I don't know you. But I want you all the more for that. And words fall through me. And always fool me. And I can't react. And games that never amount to more than they're meant. Will play themselves out..." ~ The Frames**_

"_**Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all. But lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall. Lend me your eyes I can change what you see. But your soul you must keep, totally free..." ~ Mumford & Sons**_

"_**Above all these words and promises we couldn't keep, Together we will fly above it all. But sometimes we will fall...From the light. But it shines on us tonight...And together we will rise..." ~ The Frames**_

It was a rainy day outside, the weather murky and dull, as rain sloshed against the windows and the house shook with gale force winds. I loved this type of weather.

It was the perfect time to stay in bed and have some fun. I collapsed on my back, sweaty and out of breath. I turned on my stomach, tugging my hands in under the pillow, facing Jax. He followed my lead and turned on his side, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear, his fingers softly brushing against my cheek.

Jax gave me his charming smile making my heart beat just that little bit faster.

I returned the smile feeling content. I couldn't remember the last time I felt so happy.

Jax ran his fingers down my back and began tracing the tattoos on my spine, his touch tickling. There was a line of red roses, starting on my lower back and going up along my spine, stopping midway. Jax started with the rose on the small of my back, taking his time to trace every single one of them. There were eight of them.

Jax traced the last rose, resting his hand on the small of my back again. He had so many questions, but asked none. He looked up and fixed his eyes on my face. He smiled and leaned closer kissing me. I kissed back running my hands down his torso. Jax pulled me closer our legs interweaving, and rolled over positioning himself between my legs. The kiss intensified every thrust of our tongues sparking lust. I gave in allowing myself to melt into Jax, our bodies meshing together.

I made my way across the street towards the Post Office on the other side of the street.

I took off my sunglasses, holding them in my right hand, pushing the door open with my left. I walked inside and was greeted by Norman the clerk.

Norman ran the Post Office with his lovely wife Hattie. Norman's sixty-two, with neatly combed gray hair, soft brown eyes, and the friendliest smile.

"Hey Norman." I waved grabbing a magazine, envelopes and stamps.

"Morning, Dr. Winters," he greeted ringing up the items I placed on the counter. "Hattie's sister still visiting?" I asked politely. Norman chuckled.

"Yes and she is driving my poor wife mad," he joked.

"She must be counting the days," I said fishing for my wallet in my over-sized handbag. "She'll miss her once she's gone home."

"Isn't that always the case?" I said, giving Norman the money I owed for my purchase. He took it and handed me my purchased items. "I'll see you later," I said turning around. "Your mail," Norman called after me, bringing me to a halt.

I turned around with a smile and headed back to the counter.

"I almost forgot," he said walking to the back.

"I thought mail day was tomorrow?" I said to the door Norman disappeared through. "Mail day came early," Norman answered, as he came walking through the door a few seconds later with a couple of letters, and a large package.

"People must love me," I joked taking the envelopes.

I placed the letters into the brown paper bag Norman gave me with my purchased items, took the package and tucked it under my arm.

"You must come by for a visit before Hattie's sister leaves," he said as I walked to the door. "Of course," I called over my shoulder with a friendly smile.

I unlocked my car and placed everything on the back seat. I shut the car door, waved to Norman again, walking to the driver's side. I opened my door and stopped.

I shivered, the familiar feeling of someone watching me washing over me. I looked around expecting to see someone looking at me. The street crawled with people, making it almost impossible to spot anyone who might be staring at me. I shook my head and got into my car. _It is just your imagination_, I told myself starting my car and pulling into traffic.

_It was really dark around me, the moon ominous in the sky. I turned around trying to find any indication of light. I heard the crunching of leaves, as footsteps got closer. __"You smell so good," a voice said in the dark. The hair on my arms and the back of my neck stood up, and a shiver ran down my spine. "Damon?" I asked in a whisper. __If it was really him he would have no trouble hearing me. The wind picked up and my hair blew into my face, tickling my skin. Fingers touched my throat, running down the length of my neck. The person pressed their nose against my flesh, inhaling. _"_I finally found you," he whispered. I closed my eyes preparing myself for what was to come. Teeth pressed against my throat, piercing my skin. _

I sat up in bed clutching my neck. I took short painful breaths, my heart hammering in my chest. I struggled to get enough air into my lungs, my eyes unfocused and my chest aching. I removed a shaky hand from my neck and inspected my fingers.

There was no sign of blood. I ran my fingers along my throat inspecting it. My neck seemed to be intact, no wound and no blood. I stumbled out of bed heading to my bathroom and switching on the light. I looked at my neck in the mirror just to make absolutely sure I didn't have any bruising or scarring. There wasn't even a scratch.

It was just a dream. I took a deep breath and sat down on the floor.

I placed my head between my knees feeling sick. I needed to get out of this motel room and into a house. That way no vampire could enter.

With The Assembly using Vampires for their dirty work, I wasn't safe if I continued to stay here. If truth be told I should actually just leave Charming. Running is all I know. I don't know how to be this person. A person who leads a normal life.

Where do I start? That seemed to always be the question. Getting a house was the easy part. It was fitting in that was harder. Starting a new life isn't always that easy.

I have a new name, but that hardly makes for easy living. Starting a new life on one major lie was a recipe for disaster. But what choice did I have? I've made my decisions and now I'd have to live with them. I got up from the floor and walked back into the room, taking a seat by the table. I opened my Laptop switching it on. I double clicked on the internet explorer button and entered a local Real-Estate website.


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Chapter Eleven**

_**Where It All Began**_

"_**You're something beautiful. A contradiction. I wanna play the game. I want the friction" ~ Muse**_

"_**Pleasure to meet you but prepare to bleed..." ~ 30 Seconds to Mars**_

_**"You trick your lovers that you're wicked and divine. You may be a sinner, but your innocence is mine..." ~ Muse**_

**1898**

I walked into the local tavern ready to have a drink and relax. It was a tiring day filled with hardships and dirty jobs. We disposed of twenty-five bodies, erased the memories of ten people, and had to convince thirteen teens that what they saw was nothing out of the ordinary. With the bodies of the dead rising, the need to feed became hard to control for vampires.

Keepers couldn't risk the vampires' identities to be discovered, so a group of us, stationed around the world, were assigned to clean up the Vampires' messes. It wasn't the most glamorous job, and women in my race didn't often sign up to clean up after the vampires. They were generally assigned to keeping the secrets of fairies, elves, and other less harmful creatures. Although, faeries were hardly harmless. Men tended to be the Keepers of werewolves and vampires.

Not me. I was one of the few who were more willing to work with more dangerous creatures. Times were though and everyone was needed to do their part in the grand scheme of things. I sat down by the bar and ordered the usual.

My body was aching every muscle burning. The barkeeper, a scruffy looking chap, handed me my drink with his canny smile. I thanked him and gulped it down.

I ordered another drink feeling my muscles loosen. After a few drinks I was ready to have some fun, all the tension of the day's work forgotten. I took off my jacket, tied a knot in my dress to keep it from getting caught on something, and accepted a local's offer to dance. We moved across the room in elegance gliding and spinning.

My dance partner spun me out of his arms and another caught me. We danced across the room, my heart racing and sweat building under my armpits. The song finished and I returned to my seat at the bar. I ordered a drink, gulped it down, and got back on the dance floor. A few songs later I had danced with every man in the pub.

My hair was a mess and my shoes were lost. The barkeeper gave me another drink when I returned to the bar. "Complements from the gentleman."

He indicated to someone sitting at the end of the bar near the front door.

I turned my head and had to do a double take. The man was simply breath-taking.

His eyes bore into me and my mind drifted. His stare was so deep, so inviting.

He gave me an intoxicating smile making my knees weak. I snapped out of my trance held my glass in the air, winked, and tossed it down. I indicated to the barkeeper for another drink when the next song started playing. From the corner of my eye I glanced at the stranger at the end of the bar. The stool he sat on was unoccupied.

I shook my head and took a sip from my glass. "Care to dance, Ma'am," a deep voice asked from behind. I turned around in my seat coming face to face with the man who bought me the drink. Up close he was even more striking. His black hair gleamed in the light of the pub and his eyes were an endless ocean of blue.

"It's not in my nature to say no," I replied swallowing the rest of my drink, before taking his hand and moving to the dance floor. We started dancing and it was unlike anything I've ever done before. He was gracious on his feet and we moved with such poise that for a moment I thought we were floating. It was thrilling and amazing.

We moved around the room in united perfection our movements matching every beat of the song. The song ended and I was breathless for reasons other than fatigue.

We stood in the middle of the dance floor staring at each other. I was slightly panting my body burning under his touch. He smiled a crooked smile and my knees buckled. The man stepped forward, bent his head and stared straight into my eyes. I broke eye contact, instead focusing my attention on his lips. Lips that screamed at me to kiss them. My mind fogged and I leaned in closing the gap, brushing my lips against his.

"I have a room across the road if you want to join me," I whispered turning my back, walking away and swinging my backside in his direction. Hell, I was working way too hard and deserved to have a little fun. I grabbed my jacket, paid the barkeeper for the drinks, and walked out. I stumbled down the stairs, realizing just how much I had to drink. The man from the bar caught my elbow and steadied me.

Somehow I knew it was him. Maybe it was the burn his touch caused or the speed of my heart rate, it wasn't really too clear. "I'll be a gentleman and walk you to your room," he said half carrying me across the road to the Inn I was staying at.

He helped me upstairs and down the corridor to my room. I stepped away from him, got my key and unlocked the door, opening it. "Step right on in and make yourself comfortable," I said throwing open my arms, spinning around. He stepped into the room, grabbed me by the arms and kissed me. It was rough and urgent.

He loosened my dress and threw me down on the bed. He was naked and on top of me so quickly I thought I had to have passed out for a few minutes. The second he was on top of me I forgot about passing out and knew I was very much alive.

He pulled my dress off, discarding it on the floor, along with the rest of my garments he ripped off. It should have bothered me that he had the strength to handle me like I weighed next to nothing, but all I cared about was his hands and mouth roaming every part of my body.

I woke up with a massive headache. My world spinning and my stomach turning.

I rolled on to my side with a moan my muscles pulling my skin tight. I felt like I got hit by a boulder. I stumbled out of bed heading for the bathroom. I kept a hold on the bed maneuvering around it, making sure I didn't fall over. The bathroom seemed miles away, my body exhausted. I knew I had one too many drinks last night.

I should have stopped at six. There was no need to have more than that.

I cursed myself as I struggled to reach the bathroom. I finally made it to the other side of the room still standing. Once inside the bathroom, I got in the bathtub that still had the cold water from the previous day in it. I got out twenty or so minutes later, walked back to my room and got dressed. Getting dressed was a long, slow, process.

My body ached and getting dressed was painful. Several times I gave up collapsing on the bed with a frustrated groan. But I got up every time to try again.

I got into my dress eventually, going to the mirror to do something with my hair.

I pulled my hair up planning on putting it in a bun and out of my face.

"Son of a bitch!" I said loudly, dropping my hair when I saw the remains of what used to be a vampire bite. "Shit!" I swore, rubbing my fingers across the wound.

This wasn't good. Vincent was going to kill me. Who am I kidding? The whole bloody Assembly was going to kill me, then bring me back to clean up the mess.

It was banned to even consider having an intimate relationship with any supernatural creature, let alone getting bitten by one or receiving favors. The Assembly didn't look kindly at Keepers who break the rules. There was a knock on the door and I screamed. The door flew open, one of my fellow colleagues rushing inside, gun raised and eyes alert and looking. There was no immediate threat and he lowered his gun.

Matthew, my partner, marched across the room breathing heavily.

He looked livid, which wasn't the easiest thing for him to be. Matthew was the sweetest guy I knew. He was lengthy, with dark brown hair, and angel like features. "Where've you been? You've been missing two days!" he scolded, his eyes glowing a bright orange. The color of anger. "That's impossible!" I frowned. "I've been here the whole time," I said shaking my head really confused. My head hurt, all the confusion just making it worse. "What were you doing in your room for two days?" he asked, looking around expecting to see something out of place.

I readjusted my hair to make sure the bite mark was well hidden.

"If I knew I'd tell you," I answered scratching my head. Two days?

I could've sworn I was at the bar last night. I took a seat on the edge of the bed, covering my eyes with my hands. I leaned forward resting my elbows on my knees.

I suddenly felt exhausted. Oh God, I screwed up. I was supposed to keep my identity a secret; it was my job to keep secrets. Not only did I not see that he was a vampire, I also didn't even notice when he bit me. How could I _not_ notice?

I was trained to spot Vampires. We were trained to hide their identities, at all costs. But there was one rule, never get close to your targets. There were valid reasons for the rule. Knowing each others' identities complicated things.

And our blood in a Vampire's system could be catastrophic. Well not so much for other Keepers, just me, or so I was told. When I became a Keeper there were a few complications and it resulted in a few mutations in my blood. Having Hemophilia, as it turned out to be, makes for a very unique Keeper. I was one of a kind, as my mother pointed out. "What did you do Avalon?" Matthew asked. I snapped out of my reverie and looked up. Matthew stood right in front of me, no regard whatsoever for my personal space. "Nothing," I said a bit panicky, straightening my dress over and over again, not meeting Matthew's eyes. That might not have been the smoothest lie ever.

"Avalon?" Matthew warned. I looked up meeting his eyes, dread settling in the pit of my stomach. "I slept with a vampire," I blurted out wanting to get it over with.

Rule one of working in a partnership, always tell your partner the truth.

"You did what?" Matthew bellowed, his eyes turning such a bright orange, I thought they were going to explode. He was beyond furious. This was really, really bad.

"Oh like you've never broken any rules," I snapped.

"Holy shit!" he swore loudly, stepping away from me.

"I know. I know." I ran my fingers through my hair. Matthew's face changed. It was his I-am-going-to-give-you-advice-even-if-you-don't-want-it face. Queue lecture.

"We're the in between, Avalon. That means they don't know we exist," Matthew lectured pacing the room, his anger suffocating me. There's nothing worse than being stuck in a confined space with someone who was absolutely fuming.

"I know!" I repeated a bit agitatedly.

"Shit," Matthew swore again.

"Would you stop that already?" I retorted, Matthew's anger contagious.

"How can you be so irresponsible?" he said angrily.

He had stopped pacing and was glaring at me with his bright orange eyes.

They were very unnerving and I started sweating.

"It's not like they give us a list of names and photos," I said trying to defend my actions, which was a total waste of time. Matthew wasn't interested in my excuses. Not that he should, I mean, I know of a few other Keepers who have no regard for the rules. One of which was very high in the Keeper society.

"They shouldn't have to," he scolded.

I shook my head, "I already admitted that I screwed up."

"So how are you going to fix this?" he asked, meeting my eyes again, staring me down. "I don't know. I didn't exactly get his name," I explained.

"Irresponsible," Matthew grumbled turning his back on me. It was quiet for a while both Matthew and I lost in our thoughts. Finally, Matthew turned around, and by the look on his face he had come up with some sort of plan.

"We'll adjust your scent and assign you in another part of the world for a while. Just until your scent's been masked," he said matter-of-factly. I flinched afraid to tell him that his plan wasn't exactly solid. Because I needed five times more Keeper cells to transform my blood, I had a bit more abilities than the average Keeper.

"It's not going to work," I said preparing for his wrath. Matthew didn't disappoint. "He bit you!" he exclaimed outraged.

"I can't believe you're surprised."

"God, Avalon! You know what your blood does to them."

"I know!" I said a bit hysterically. All the anger had my nerves burned out. I couldn't take all the frustration in the room anymore. I realized just how badly I screwed up, and the guilt was eating me alive. "I don't know how to fix this!" Matthew Jason said, shaking his head. ""I didn't ask you to," I pointed out, moving to the window.

"You can't do this alone," he countered knowingly.

"And I can't risk getting you in trouble, Matthew."

"You already did."

"Stop it! I said I will take care of this!" I said threateningly.

"How?" Matthew asked wisely, aware of the fact that I had no idea of how I was going to correct the situation. "I don't know?" I said honestly, leaning against the window sill. "He's going to come back for you," Matthew said, and for the first time he sounded worried. "I know," I said sounding like a broken record. I pulled my hair up showing Matthew the bite mark. "He didn't hold back, did he?" he replied, leaning in inspecting my wound. I was out for two days. Two days! That meant that the son of a bitch tried to kill me by draining my blood. I don't know why it came as such a surprise. He was a vampire, a born killer. So, it was obvious he would try to kill me.

As a Keeper I was kind of immortal and draining my blood wouldn't necessary kill me. So, I wasn't really sure what to make of what had happened.

All I could think of was how stupid I was. I couldn't believe I let this happen.

"I don't know what happened," I said scrunching my nose.

Matthew looked at me, his eyes changing to a softer more natural color.

He sat down on my bed, resting the gun between his legs.

We weren't an antagonist race, so why Matthew carried a gun puzzled me.

"Why do you have a gun?" My curiosity got the better of me.

"I thought something had happened to you."

"But a gun? Seriously?"

Matthew laughed meeting my gaze, his eyes returning to a soft brown.


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Chapter Twelve**

_**Sticking Around**_

"_**I'm naked. I'm numb. I'm stupid. I'm staying and if Cupid's got a gun, then he's shootin'..." ~ Mikael Karlsson feat. Lykke Li**_

"_**It's not always rainbows and butterflies. It's compromise that moves us along, yeah. My heart is full and my door's always open. You can come anytime you want." ~ Maroon 5**_

"_**I think I'm doing ok and this is the smile that I've never shown before..." ~ Staind**_

I sat on my heels outside the operation theatre, pulling off my cap, running my hand over my face. "You did everything you could," Greta said, sitting down next to me.

Greta was a theatre nurse and one of the nicest people I've come to know.

I took a deep breath doing my best not to burst into tears. I've lost patients on the operating table before. Hell I lost one not so long ago, but never this young.

"I know," I said, getting up. "I know."

She gave me a pat on the shoulder. "Why don't you go home."

"I'm leaving now." I wanted to say that I didn't have a home. That going back to that Motel room was the last thing I wanted to do. But I couldn't. So instead I got changed, grabbed my things and headed out to my car. An ambulance sped past me, into the emergency lane, heading to meet a team of doctors and nurses awaiting the patient.

I started the engine when my beeper went off. I glanced at it, sighed, and switched off the engine getting out. I headed back into the Hospital an intern waiting for me.

"It's Wendy Teller," she said. I stopped in my tracks. "She overdosed," the intern continued oblivious to the fact that I stood frozen in one spot. "Dr. Winters?"

I cleared my head, concentrating. "I'm sorry page someone else." I turned around and left. I marched back to my car, got in, and drove off. I got back to the Motel room, took a bath, and got into bed. Sleep didn't come easy. I tossed and turned my mind on Jax, Wendy and that baby. I fell asleep between thinking of Jax and contemplating going back to the Hospital. I was startled by a round of knocks. I stumbled out of bed, hurrying to open the door, the knocks so loud they gave me a headache.

I flung open the door rubbing my eyes. Jax stood outside looking disheveled.

Without so much as a sound I stepped out of the way letting him in. Mind reader or not the guy needed somewhere he could fall apart or even just rest. He walked past me and down on the edge of the bed, resting his face in his hands.

I closed the door and went to sit down behind to him. I reached over his shoulders to take off his cuts. He didn't protest relaxing his shoulders and moving his arms.

I slipped off the vest, setting it down on the chair closest to the bed. I pulled his shirt over his head chucking it down on the floor. He had a tattoo of a Grim Reaper holding a crystal ball with the anarchy "A" and brandishing the Reaper's traditional scythe the handle some sort of gun on his back. The Sons of Anarchy patch.

But that wasn't what I was looking at. I was looking at the bruises of gunshots.

I didn't ask any questions. It wasn't my place to know where, when and where he came across gun fire. So, instead I draped one arm around his neck and the other around his waist, embracing him. Jax clutched my hand with his left hand as we sat in silence. Jax silently started sobbing his shoulders jerking underneath me. I held him, resting my head against his shoulder and letting him cry.

I pulled into a drive way of a house that was being sold. Staying in Charming was never an option, but with recent events I couldn't leave. And if I'm honest with myself, I also decided to stay and see what becomes of this thing between me and Jax. I know it sounds stupid, but he made me feel something other than just emptiness. Sometimes I would find myself being happy. It might not sound like such a big deal, but if you've spend the better half of the last seven years feeling miserable, anything remotely different was a blessing. I got out of my car, handbag in hand, locking the doors. The real estate agent came walking down the driveway, a smile plastered on her plastic surgery enhanced features. Her black hair was pulled back into a messy bun, her face painted with soft neutral colors, her black dress perfectly tailored.

I guess nowadays this passed as beauty. I gave her a warm smile, walking up the driveway and meeting her halfway. "You must be Ava, I'm Rachel," she greeted her hand stretched out in front of her. "Hi," I responded shaking her hand.

"Let me show you around," she said turning around. She led the way into the house. Outside the house looked like your average suburban house.

Single storey, white walls, blue door with matching window panes, green grass, and a few flower beds framing the driveway, and a cobblestone path leading from the mailbox to the porch steps. We stepped through the front door into a house I immediately knew I had to buy. Walking through the front door brought us directly into a spacious and open living room, the sun shining through huge windows.

We moved on to the large designer kitchen that was simply beautiful, more large windows showcasing the spectacular backyard that had trees lining the property only giving us a glimpse of a river. The bedrooms were moderately big, with the same large windows that framed the rest of the house, which allowed for an amazing view of parts of the riverbank, and the river itself. The house was simply gorgeous.

I signed the papers on the spot, glad to hear from Rachel that I could move in immediately. Rachel left me in the house to take measurements and draw up plans.

I got straight to work in the bedroom, measuring the windows and writing the measurements down. I heard footsteps on the wood flooring in the corridor and turned around, measuring tape in hand. Gemma Morrow strolled in, an unnatural sweet smile playing on her lips, her eyes taking in the room. It took a moment for her to stop and finally look at me. I got the feeling that she wasn't here to exchange pleasantries. "Gemma," I smiled warmly. If she was here to rip me a new one, then I'll take the high road and be as friendly and charming as I could possibly be.

"So, you're Ava," she said casually, getting straight to the point.

"In the flesh," I answered, holding the smile perfectly plastered on my face.

"I don't know who you are or where you come from, but you have no business hanging around Jax or the Club." Gemma really didn't beat around the bush, did she?

I should've known that she would surface sometime. Being Jax's mother, and the wife of the Club's President, I really thought we'd have a chat sooner.

I wasn't what you'd call 'old lady' material. I saw the type of women that hang around, and on the surface I looked nothing like them. I was what people considered 'respectful'. Just goes to show how wrong first impressions were.

"You're right," I said turning my back on Gemma. "You don't know me."

I took another measurement, not really in the mood to get into a bitching contest with Gemma. I knew who she was and what she was capable of. But, she didn't know me. And she didn't know what _I_ was capable of. "Take your skinny New York ass and leave Charming. You never know what might happen if you don't." That sounded a lot like a threat. And I had no doubt that Gemma would deliver. She would do whatever it takes to protect her family. I turned around meeting Gemma's gaze, taking a step towards her. "Is that a threat?" I asked staring Gemma down.

"Just a friendly warning," she retorted. Gemma's smile never once faltered.

"It's best to not piss me off," I warned, mimicking Gemma's smile.

I was determined to show her that I couldn't and wouldn't be threatened. So much for taking the high road, but I didn't take too kindly to people intimidating me.

A few decades of roaming the earth has honed that personality trait. I kept eye contact, refusing to be the first to blink or back off. I know who Gemma Morrow was and what she could do to me, but I have had my fare share of running a Club.

Maybe it wasn't the type of Club she was used to, but I know what it's like to be the old lady of a leader. Being Vincent's fiancé was like being the wife of a mobster.

I have done things that I wasn't proud of. All in the name of serving and defending my people. Well they used to be my people. Now I was just another traitor with a price on her head. So, I didn't need Gemma to tell _me _that I wasn't good enough for her son, or acceptable to Club life. Not that I was planning on becoming anyone's old lady.

I didn't need the added pressure. "Are you threatening me?" Gemma asked, her mouth saying I'm harmless, but her eyes saying she could beat the shit out of me if it came down to it. I believed that if she wanted to Gemma could make life very unpleasant for me. "Just a friendly warning," I said throwing her words back at her, that same smile playing on my lips. My words were sickly sweet, dripping with niceness.

Minutes passed, Gemma and I locked in a battle of wills using our eyes as our weapons. That was a lie. I used my ability to read her mind to get a one up.

Gemma saw me as weak. She considered me to be too high up in society to be any good for her son. I wore summer dresses and designer heels. I was too petite and knew nothing of living in hardship. In her eyes I was nothing more than just another member of society that looked down on her and her family. I withdrew from her mind, taking a step back. Gemma couldn't be more wrong about me.

"I grew up in a family worse than the mob," I said breaking the silence.

That wasn't entirely true. I couldn't tell Gemma the truth about who I was and where I came from, so I had to tell her using her terminology. In some sense being engaged to Vincent, and being a Keeper under Vincent's regime was hell. I was Vincent's property for a long time. I was going to have to change some of the details, tell the story like it happened in the last few years, and not the last century.

"My father was the Leader, a strong courageous man. At sixteen I had to step up and do my duties as the daughter of the Leader." I turned around, lifting my hair.

On my neck was a tattoo of a phoenix rising. The head reached my hair line, the wings spreading the width of my neck, and the tail spreading down my neck and onto my back. The design was black and elegant. "It's the symbol of my house," I said turning back facing Gemma. I twisted my neck slightly, pushing away my hair, exposing the skin behind my right ear. There was a '_V'_ tattooed. It was a normal black '_V,_' nothing fancy about it. "I got this the day I got engaged, and became the property of my fiancé." Gemma stood grounded unsure of what to say. I decided to show and tell her more while she was still searching for her words. I spread my left arm, showing Gemma the inside of my upper arm. "This is the count of kills my fiancé made."

The tattoo looked like a barcode, each line representing a supernatural and non-supernatural being Vincent killed. "The woman had to wear her man's achievement," I said. "Each time my fiancé killed someone I was branded. I was his property."

I turned around again, lifting the back of my shirt, revealing a line of red roses, starting on my lower back and going up along my spine, stopping midway. "Each of these represents a kill I made in the name of my family."

I faced Gemma again, pulling my shirt down. "The last one was when I burned down a church killing 27 people." Gemma's features softened a little as my words sunk in.

We stood in silence for what felt like a lifetime. Gemma just stared at me, speechless.

A first for her I gathered. Her thoughts were all over the place.

She couldn't believe how wrong she was about me, and she felt like an ass. That was the last thing I wanted her to feel like. I know what it's like to pass judgment because you think you know what is best for your family. I pulled out of her head and gathered my handbag, notepad, pen and measuring tape.

"I've had your job, Gemma," I said walking out of the room. I paused by the door, turning back. Gemma had turned around looking at me. "And I know how hard it can be." With that I turned away and left.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Chapter Thirteen**

_**New Beginnings  
**_

"_**I can see it in your eyes, Everythin' you're hidin'. I can see the truth in you, even when you're lyin'. Even through the darkness, I can see you shinin'..." ~ Lupe Fiasco  
**_

"_**Doors slam. Lights black. You're gone. Come back. Stay gone. Stay clean. I need you to need me..." ~ Mikael Karlsson  
**_

"_**I was numb. For you I come. Night and day. And I can't stay away. No I can't stay away..." ~ The Veronicas**_

I stepped out of the elevator, reading through a patient's file. The prognosis didn't look promising, and it was my job to tell the poor girl.  
That's the hardest part of my job most days. Giving people bad news, when their lives are already so crappy, was never a pleasant feeling. I hated it.

But what I hate the most was giving good people bad news. Lost in thought I walked past Gemma Morrow. She grabbed my elbow and I came to a sudden halt. I looked up from the file, meeting Gemma's worried gaze. I closed the file, giving the her my undivided attention.  
Gemma was the one who found Wendy, and she's been at the hospital every since her grandson's birth.

"You need to save that boy's life," she said, clutching my elbow. Her nails dug into my arm, hurting me. I didn't flinch or say anything.

"Dr. Knowles has been assigned to Abel's case," I said.

"I don't care who's been assigned to Abel's case," Gemma snapped. "I've been told that you're the best. So, we want you to be his doctor."

"Dr. Knowles is better qualified."

"Then help her, but just save my grandson."

I looked Gemma in the eye, nodding. "I'll do everything I can," I said sincerely.

Gemma nodded, turned around and walked away. I watched her turn the corner, disappearing. I stood in the hallway not really sure what to do.

I turned around, still contemplating what to do, when I saw Jax and Dr. Tara Knowles in a heated discussion. I stood frozen watching the scene play out in front of me.

Jax embraced her kissing the top of her head, the moment very intimate. I took a couple of steps back, turning around on my heels, walking back the way I came.

The hospital was too small. I needed to get out. I dropped the file by the nurses' station mumbling instructions, heading to the changing rooms. I took off my scrubs and got dressed. I redid my hair and make-up, grabbing my handbag, walking towards the exit. I crossed the parking lot got in my car and left.

I shouldn't have been surprised to find Jax and Tara together. It was bound to happen.

I don't know what I expected. I went home, heading straight to the bathroom. I drew myself a bath getting undressed. I stepped into the bathtub sinking down into the water. When the water reached the right level I turned off the faucet and relaxed.

It wasn't too long before I fell into a peaceful state of silence. It was rare for me to have a bit of quietness, but utter silence was really, really rare. So, I enjoyed it.

I drifted off, my mind still, the years of sleepless nights finally catching up with me.

I must've been out for a while, because when I got to the water was cold and my skin wrinkled. I quickly washed and shaved, getting out and dressed. I turned off the lights as I went, getting into bed. I felt exhausted and thought tonight was the night that I could finally get a full nights rest. I didn't. It was another night of tossing and turning. I was somewhere between sleep and reality. I was finally drawn out of bed with thunderous knocks vibrating through the house. I hurried to the door, as another bang echoed through the house. I ran my hands through my hair, making myself somewhat presentable. I opened the door after another thunderous knock.

"I heard you the first time," I said angrily. Jax stood on the other side of the door, leaning against the wall. I left the door open walking back to my room, taking off my clothes as I went. Jax walked in behind me, closing the door and took off his clothes. It's not so much as sex as it was forgetting about your troubles for a few moments.

I seek sex to fill a void, Jax wanted sex to forget. Jax wrapped his arms around me, leaning in kissing me. It was a kiss from a desperate and broken man. He laid me down on the bed, devouring me with his kisses, all the pent-up tension and stress going into each kiss and each touch. He pushed inside me, each stroke filled with desperation. Jax collapsed next to me spent.

I was on the midnight shift, hating the quietness in the hospital. It was quarter-to-three, when I took my break. I sat in the baby nursery, reading a book to Jax's son, Abel. He was born prematurely and now spend his days in an incubator.

On my breaks I sometimes came in here to just watch Abel. He was a miracle baby, and I could do with a little miracle. I sat there my entire break just reading a children's book, and in that hour I felt at peace, like it was the place I needed to be.

I finished my shift at around half past seven, ready to get home, take a shower and go to bed. I checked in with a patient, got my handbag and left. I walked out of the building to find Jax sitting on his motorcycle outside in the parking lot.

I hurried to my car quickly and quietly, not wanting to alert Jax of my presence.

Jax's engine roared to life, making me jump. I turned around to see Jax drive off. Gemma parked her car in an open space, getting out.

We exchanged a quick glance before I got in my car, and Gemma headed into the hospital to visit Abel. I neared my house slowing down to a crawl. Jax sat parked in my driveway waiting for me. I pulled up next to him, switching off the engine.

I got out of my car, handbag in hand, shutting the door behind me.

"Go see your son, Jax," I said locking the car doors, walking up to where Jax stood. "Don't start," he countered crossing his arms over his chest, leaning against his motorcycle. I didn't stop, just kept going and unlocked my front door.

Jax followed me in shutting the door behind him. I put my handbag down and took off my coat, ignoring Jax. "Why are you here?" I kept my back turned to him, taking a deep breath. "I want to be," he answered thinking it was as simple as that.

"You should be at the hospital with your son," I said turning around facing Jax.

"Don't you dare tell me where I'm supposed to be! You don't know me," he snapped.

"Then why are you here?"

"I don't know, because I thought you'd understand."

"I do, but your son needs his father."

"He's not even going to make it! So what's it I'm suppose to do, Ava?"

"You deal with it. It's what you do," I said gently.

We stood in silence for a moment, Jax taking in what I'd just said.

"I don't know if I can be the father he deserves."

"That boy didn't ask for this. He just needs you to have faith."

I turned around leaving the living room and heading to my bed room. Jax followed me and I stopped. It was time I put an end to this. Jax needed to focus on his son, and what we were doing was keeping him from dealing with his issues. Besides it's clear that he still has feelings for Tara. I saw them in the hospital, there's still something going on. "This thing we're doing has to end," I stated facing Jax. "I see the way you look at Tara, and I won't be someone's second choice again."

"Tara? Not you too?"

"You're better off pursuing someone else for a booty call, 'cause I'm done."

"Someone sure did a number on you."

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"You're so ready to judge, when you don't know anything!"

"I'm only calling it as I see it."

"There's nothing going on between Tara and I."

"Just go!" I snapped, wanting Jax to let me be. It was getting obvious that there was already more to this thing between Jax and I than what I was ready for.

"No." Jax said, so calmly, it chilled me to the bone.

"I can't give you what you want," I made clear, letting Jax know that there was no future for us. I had nothing more to give to him. My body was all I had left, and it was never going to be enough. One day he'll want more, and I won't be able to give him what he'd need. "Just give this a chance," he said closing the distance between us.

"I don't know," I breathed shaking my head lightly. Jax leaned in and kissed me clouding my judgment.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Chapter Fourteen**

_**A Sign  
**_

"_**There's a still in the street outside your window. You're keepin' secrets on your pillow. Let me inside, no cause for alarm. I promise tonight not to do no harm..." ~ Brandon Flowers  
**_

"_**But I don't even know if I believe it when I'm saying that, ya'll starting to creep in, everyday it's just so grey and black...**_ _**all I know is you came to me when I was at my lowest. You picked me up, breathing life in me. I owe my life to you..." ~ Eminem  
**_

"_**Sucker love is heaven sent. You pucker up, our passion's spent. My hearts a tart, your body's rent. My body's broken, yours is bent..." ~ Placebo**_

"Do you have anything decent to eat?" Jax called from the kitchen, his head probably buried shoulder deep in the fridge. I finished the sentence I was typing on my computer, listening to Jax rummaging through the fridge. I stood up walked to the kitchen and leaned against the doorframe. I watched as Jax pushed several items to one side making sure he didn't miss anything.

"There's pizza," I said crossing my arms.

"Anything else?" he asked, looking over his shoulder at me.

"Cereal," I answered with a smile.

"You must have something decent."

"I can make you eggs," I offered.

"You're amazing," Jax said taking a seat on the stool.

"I know," I replied getting the eggs from the fridge.

"Poached or scrambled?" I asked.

"Scrambled," Jax answered giving me that charming smile of his.

Jax came up behind me wrapped his arms around my waist and nestled his nose in my hair. I finished the eggs and Jax moved away, but not before he gave me a kiss on the side of my head. I smiled that same warmth spreading through my veins.

"God, I'm starving," Jax mumbled with a mouthful.

I cleaned up while Jax ate, putting away the pan, just as Jax put his plate in the dishwasher. Jax came up behind me again, pushing my hair back, leaning in to kiss my neck. I closed my eyes letting his hands roam my body.

Heat started building in the pit of my and settled between my legs. I turned around in his arms wrapping my arms around him. "Take me to bed," I said with a mischievous smile, wrapping my arms around his neck. Jax kissed me fervently, his hands grabbed my ass and he picked me up, carrying me to my bedroom.

I woke up a few hours later gasping for breath. Pressure was applied to my air pipe, weight pressing me down into the mattress. I kicked and clawed at my attacker, fighting to get air into my lungs. Everything was sinister around me, all of it obscured by darkness. I tried to scream, but instead made a choking gurgle sound. "Find me," a voice breathed fingers tightening around my throat. As suddenly as the pressure was applied it lifted and air filled my lungs. I coughed my chest aching and my heart pounding in my ears. There was a click and the room was flooded with light. I sat up gulping for air, scanning my surroundings. Jax sat down in front of me worry written all over his face, questions burning to be asked. I closed my eyes and leaned forward, resting my head against Jax's chest.

"Another nightmare?" Jax asked, stroking my hair.

"Yes," I said pulling away, running my fingers through my hair.

"What's going on, Ava?" Jax asked me, cupping my face.

"I'm fine," I assured him, touching his hand. I could hardly tell him that my now frequent returning nightmares did not bode well for my health, or for the chances of me staying in Charming. I was used to the nightmares. I was also used to Damon showing up when my nightmares increased in frequency. I got out of bed and went in the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I walked over to the sink, opened the faucet and splashed cold water over my face. I stared at my neck in the mirror expecting to see bruises. There was none. This had been the fifth dream of dying I had in less than two weeks. A new record. I dried my face and went back to bed. Jax put his arm around me, pulling me closer to him. I was up for the night my head spinning, my mind too preoccupied to allow me to sleep.

The morning air was cool, mist hanging down low, the town covered in a thick fluffy white blanket. Music blared from my earphones taking my attention away from the burning sensation starting in my lungs. I jogged in one place on the sidewalk, checking to make sure the road was clear so I could cross it. There were no cars nearby giving me a chance to cross. I rounded the corner, making my way back home. I ran past an old couple taking their morning walk, greeting them with a warm smile.

I crossed the road again, checking both ways to make sure it was clear. A sense that someone was looking for me washed over me. I turned down the music, taking out my earphones, focusing all my attention on where the feeling was coming from.

"Ava!" someone called, the voice drifting through the fog.

I slowed down to a jog, turning my head to see where the voice was coming from.

It was almost impossible to see anything through the thick layer of mist. The roar of a motorcycle engine alerted me that one of the guys were looking for me. It was more than a few seconds when a motorcycle pulled up next to me. It took me a moment to put a face to the voice. Alex pulled up next to me, joining me in my fogged bubble.

"Alex?" I said confused, stopping in my tracks.

It wasn't unusual to see one of the guys ride past on their motorcycles, but it was rare that one would come looking for me, especially when I was out for a run.

It was the only time I didn't have my phone with me. It was actually the only time I had for myself these days. I've been spending my time at the hospital in surgery or visiting Abel, and when I'm not at the hospital I'm with Jax, both of us trying to bury our troubles in each other. Not the best grounds to build a relationship on.

But for now it was what we both needed. "What's wrong?" I asked.

It was instinct to ask what was wrong when one of the guys came looking for you. Hardly any good news came with midnight or early morning visits.

"We have a medical emergency," Alex said as a way of explaining.

It was code for somebody got shot on an illegal errand, and they needed me to patch him up. I don't know when exactly I became the Club's personal doctor, but I'm pretty sure it was Gemma's doing. After our little talk she's been a bit more accommodating with me being around her son and grandson.

I stuffed my earphones in the pocket of my black running shorts, getting on the back of Alex's motorcycle. I wish I could go home and take a shower, but I knew that that wasn't an option. Alex didn't waste time, immediately taking off after I got on.

"Jax already has your medical kit at the Shop," Alex informed me loudly over the roar of the wind and the engine. Which implied that Jax had gotten it from my house.

That reminds me, I need to make my bed when I get back. We took two lefts and a right, pulling into the Clubhouse parking space. I climbed off the second we came to a stop hurrying into the building. Jax stood by the entrance waiting for me.

"Hey," he greeted putting an arm around my waist and kissing my forehead.

"Hi," I replied closing my eyes, enjoying the moment of happiness.

He escorted me to a room in the back, where one of the prospect's laid on his back, his leg in the air. Blood oozed out of a gunshot wound in his thigh. From the looks of it, it was a through and through. I pulled on a pair of gloves, inspecting the wound.

"You're gonna live," I said rummaging through the Kit for what I needed.

The guys left me to do what I needed to do, convening in their meeting chambers.

Gemma walked in standing by the door, crossing her arms.

I met her gaze and a smile played on her lips. I read it as a sign of acceptance.

I was certain this was like a test and by the looks of it I passed.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Chapter Fifteen**

_**The Beginning**_

"_**You've become a part of me. You'll always be right here. You've become a part of me. You'll always be my fear. I can't separate, myself from what I've done. Giving up a part of me. I've let myself become you..." ~ Linkin Park **_

"_**A lesson never learned. Only violence. Is your world just a broken promise. Is your love just a drop of rain. Will we all just burn our fire...How long can you stand the pain. How long will you hide your face. How long will you be afraid...How long will you play this game. Will you fight or will you walk away..." ~ Red**_

"_**Tell me would you kill to save your life? Tell me would you kill to prove you're right? Crash, crash, burn let it all burn...Running away from the light, running away from the light. Run away to save your life" ~ 30 Seconds to Mars**_

_May 1913_

I stepped out of the shower and walked back into my room. Damon was laying on my bed his hands behind his head, as comfortable as can be. He smirked and raised his eyebrows. "Oh no," I said with a shake of my head. My body was still aching after our earlier escapades and the bruises and bite marks he left were still healing.

Damon stood in front of me and pulled me into his arms. He kissed me behind the ear and trailed kisses across my collarbone. I dug my nails into the flesh of his arms and curled my toes. Damon moved his lips across my collarbone, across my jaw, and behind my ear again, knowing all the spots that drove me crazy. He let go of my face and swept me into his arms, not really caring that he might hurt me.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, threading my fingers through his hair. Every nerve in my body was alive and responding to Damon's touch. I was amazed at how he could just show up and make my whole world revolve around him.

Every move he made and every word he said I lapped up like a love sick puppy. Damon laid me down on the bed, straddled me with his knees and leaned down kissing me. I kissed him with the same intensity, letting go of any control I had. Damon tore the towel off and threw it on the floor, where it landed in a heap next to my bed.

I forgot about my aching limbs, more concerned with satisfying the yearning building inside me. Damon devoured my lips with his, as I ran my hands down his torso taking pleasure in feeling his muscles move under my palms. I unbuttoned his underwear, pushing it down with my hands. Damon kicked off his underwear and pressed his naked body against mine. His hand ran down along my curves coming to a rest on my thigh. He lifted my leg and I wrapped it around his back holding him against me.

We melted together, but it wasn't enough for me, I wanted more. I felt hollow inside, as if something was missing. Damon raised himself up using his arms pulling me with him. I loosened my leg and shifted to fit Damon between my legs. Damon pulled away from the kiss and gave me a wicked smile. I allowed myself to drown in his eyes as I smiled back, my chest heaving and my whole body burning with renewed desire.

I returned to my family cottage from a morning spent in the field, feeling exhausted. I wanted a safe place to lay down and relax before I had to go back to the house I shared with Vincent, my fiancé. Just for a couple of hours I wanted some time for myself.

Free of Vincent and his abuse, and free of Damon and the attraction I felt towards him. I just wanted some time for myself not worrying about anything or anyone.

I got out of my black pants suit, happy to put on a dress and doll up like a lady.

I understand that it's not ideal to go into battle with a supernatural being dressed in an oversized dress, but wearing men's wear wasn't very attractive.

I got dressed in a simple, elegant, purple and black dress, letting my hair down.

My hair descended down my back in thick natural dark curls. I admired my reflection in the mirror, twirling a lock of hair around my finger to give it an extra bounce.

A loud knock rung through the house, pulling my attention from my reflection in the mirror. I walked to the front door barefoot, my dress swaying in pace with my steps.

I smiled to myself feeling beautiful and ladylike. The knocks were uninterrupted and loud, the door vibrating with each powerful knock. I opened the door, slightly annoyed at the person on the other side of the door. Nothing could be so urgent that my door had to be knocked off its hinges. "What do you—" I stopped mid sentence, taking a step back. Vincent stood perched up against the door frame his sadistic smile plastered on his smug face. I slammed the door shut, just to have it kicked in.

I could feel what was to come. Call it instinct. "Vincent you should go," I tried to say as calmly as I could manage. My heart was hammering in my chest and my hands were shaking, my mind going to dark places. Fear gripped every nerve in my body, turning my legs into jelly. Even if I wanted to run I doubt I'd get far without tripping over my own feet. "Come on Avalon, there's no need to be scared," he said walking into the living area, his eyes dark with hate. The living area wasn't too big and Vincent was closing in on me fast. "We can talk at the house," I pointed out, still backing away. I've learned that it was best to not go on the offense straight away when Vincent was in one of his moods. It only pissed him off more.

"I have time now," he replied.

"Let's sit down shall we," he said taking a seat on the two-seater.

I sat down on the arm chair, meeting Vincent's gaze not wanting to show weakness.

"I'll get straight to it," he said crossing his legs, getting comfortable.

I nodded folding my hands in my lap, sensing nothing good to come out of Vincent's mouth. If Vincent had somehow found out that I had invited Damon into my home, he was going to have a fit, kill me, and then bring me back to clean up the mess.

Either way it was not going to be a pleasant experience.

"It's been brought to my attention that you and a certain vampire have spent some time together," Vincent started, keeping his face blank and his eyes on me, assessing my response. Oh of course, there it was. Damn! Vincent was too vigilant. Nothing got past him. That's why he got chosen to be the First Chair in the Assembly, the Leader. I decided to do what my father said I must do when my actions were questioned. Deny everything. Never look guilty, and never admit to being guilty.

So, I didn't give Vincent a response. I had the perfect poker face.

"I'm just going to come out and say it, Avalon," Vincent said still eyeing me, still waiting for a response. "I want you to bring him to Headquarters." He paused. "With the amount of blood he took from you it'll be easy for you to control him."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I said uninterestedly.

What did he mean with controlling? We were Keepers we kept the harmony, and we kept the secrets of other worldly creatures. We did not, under any circumstances, control the creatures. It was inhumane, or at least that's what we were taught.

What we believed! I kept my face blank and my emotions under control. Vincent chuckled, shaking his head, amused at my attempt to play innocent.

"Don't you dare lie to me, Avalon," Vincent snapped the amusement in his voice gone. "I don't know what you're talking about," I insisted with a frown. This was all very bizarre. I have been a Keeper for almost four decades, and not once during all that time had I heard about controlling creatures. It wasn't to be done. That was one of the reasons the Assembly didn't want us giving our blood to Vampires and Werewolves. "Avalon, it's not a suggestion. It's an order. Control that vampire," Vincent said angrily. His eyes turned orange letting me know that he was reaching the end of his patience. "I don't know what you're playing at Vincent, but I will not control any vampire, especially not with _my _blood," I informed him, leaning forward in my seat, my own eyes changing color. When my eyes changed color it has a slight burning sensation, like an eyelash stuck behind my eyelids. It burned for a fraction of a second, then it faded and my eyes were a different color.

Vincent and I glared at each other, our eyes competing at whose were a brighter orange. "You think I don't know what you and the vampire get up to," Vincent informed me, taking me by surprise. "You are covered in bruises, and don't for a minute think I don't know about the bite marks," Vincent whispered furiously.

I didn't know what shocked me the most. That Vincent was spying on me, or that he expected me to control a vampire for who knows what reason.

"It is against everything we stand for," I said.

Vincent laughed a real throaty laugh. It took me by surprise.

As the Chair of the Assembly he was suppose to lead by example.

"The Assembly talked, and we've decided that we are going to run things a little bit differently," Vincent explained sitting back, smiling. I shook my head shocked at his aloofness over something so serious. "You're controlling them for what?" I asked.

"We want to take control of the supernatural world. We don't see why they have to run free and we have to keep cleaning up after them."

"We exist only to protect their secrets. We don't enslave them and treat them like they're nothing. It's inhumane," I reminded Vincent. I couldn't believe what The Assembly was doing. How many Keepers were controlling supernatural creatures? How many were treated like slaves to do The Assembly's bidding? It was appalling. "We felt it was time for a change."

"You can't do this!"

"Are you disobeying a direct order?" Vincent asked, reminding me of why he was here. He wanted me to use my blood and my mind powers to control Damon.

Suddenly it all made sense. Damon was related to Stefan, one of the most lethal Vampires I've come across. Controlling Damon meant Vincent could set his sights on Stefan. Stefan, who would be a very valuable asset to The Assembly in their quest to take over. I got up, straitening my dress. I turned away from Vincent, getting my thoughts in order, trying to get all the information.

"Yes," I finally said, turning back to face Vincent. Vincent stood up, walking towards me. "Yes, you'll do it, or yes you're disobeying a direct order?" Vincent asked, boxing me in against the wall. I was trapped, his arms caging me in, his body ready to respond if I tried to run. He looked at me, eyes menacing. I shook my head.

Not so much as a way to answer his question. Rather to stop myself from saying something that would get me killed. Vincent pinched my cheeks with his fingers forcing me to look at him. "You really think you have a choice," he stopped to spit on my carpet near my feet, indicating just how revolting he found my actions.

"You'll do what you're told_._" He glowered at me, his eyes turning a deep, deep orange. His eyes turning orange was a sign that Vincent was beyond pissed off.

He was absolutely enraged. My recent actions meant that I had dishonored him. Something I knew I would pay for if Vincent ever found out. I knew starting something with a Vampire wasn't the best thing in the world, but for some reason I found solace in being with him. For a couple of hours I wasn't me. I was someone completely different. I stood frozen under Vincent's hold, hoping that I was going to come out of this alive. I didn't care if he locked me up and threw away the key.

It was better than death. "I'm sorry," I whispered. It was an attempt to try and convince him that I regret what I had done. I cursed myself hating the fact that, yet again, Vincent had power over me, paralyzing me with fear. I closed my eyes, wishing I could disappear into the wall, or for the earth to open up and swallow me.

Anything had to be better than this. Vincent leaned closer putting his mouth right next to my ear. On instinct I turned my face away closing my eyes, fighting to keep my tears at bay. I regretted it the second I did. I was going to get a lesson whether I wanted one or not. It was out of my hands just like all the other times.

Vincent grabbed a fistful of hair snapping my head back, squeezing my cheeks tighter. My head was bashed against the wall, white sparks flickering behind my eyelids. Vincent's glare was orange with hate and anger, showing me just how much I disgust him. "How dare you!" he bellowed, slamming my head against the wall again.

He stepped away, letting me drop to my knees on the floor.

The room faded in and out, my head throbbing. Before I could even gasp, the back of Vincent's hand made contact with my cheek. I hit the floor with an audible _thud_, a blinding pain accompanying the burn his slap left. I was yanked back up, a scream getting caught in my throat. I opened my eyes in time to see Vincent's knee heading straight for my face. I pulled away, his knee hitting the wall.

He let out a cry of pain, yanking on my hair. I scratched his hand, getting out of his grip. He let go giving me the opportunity to act. I did what any normal person would do. I jumped to my feet and ran. I made it to the front door, blood trickling down my face. My mind was too preoccupied to try and heal my wounds.

I made it out the door and down the driveway when Vincent caught up. He grabbed my arm swinging me against a tree. I hit the tree with such force I had the wind knocked out of me. It gave Vincent the chance to wrap his hands around my neck, squeezing. "He..gg..elp!" I tried to scream, but instead it came out as a gurgle.

I started panicking as his fingers tightened around my neck, applying greater pressure to my windpipe, cutting off my oxygen and blood flow. The more pressure Vincent applied the less I could breathe. Being strangled was never fun, the fear of dying very real. I clawed at his hands wrapped around my throat, trying desperately to get free. But it was to no avail. I wasn't strong enough. He was always stronger.

My head was pressed against the tree making it really hard to move. This was as bad as it was going to get, surely. Vincent had a death grip on me, there was no escape.

He picked me up off the ground, my feet dangling in the air, making it harder to breathe with every passing second, oxygen fighting to get to my lungs. This was not how I wanted to die. I started kicking vigorously really frightened of actually dying.

If I stopped breathing there was no reason why Vincent couldn't or wouldn't light me on fire and watch my body burn to ash. Vincent banged my head against the tree, effectively getting me to stop my kicking. I cried out in pain, white dots dancing in front of my eyes. He picked me up and carried me back to the cottage.

He threw me inside and slammed the door shut behind him. The door buckled on its hinges, but stayed in tacked. I grabbed onto the couch to help me get up from the floor. My throbbing head protesting against the move, causing me to stumble. Foolishly I tried getting away. Vincent pulled me back, and I landed on my stomach with an _oomph_. I was down and it gave Vincent the opportunity to keep me down.

He started kicking me. "I'm sorry," I begged, tears welling up in my eyes. Vincent's foot made contact with my stomach, my head, my arms, my legs, every inch of my body was hit by the end of his shoe. I realized that Vincent wasn't going to leave without making his point. I defied him by sleeping with Damon. I also showed that he couldn't 'handle' his woman. Vincent got down next to me and whispered in my ear.

"You will bring that Vampire you're screwing to me."

He was panting, his breath hot on my skin. I felt like I've been run over by a train.

I heard a _crack,_ as his fist made contact with my face, again. A second later insufferable pain surged through me like a violent shock. I yelped as everything around me became blurry. Tears trickled down my face, my cheek throbbing.

"You just had to follow the rules, Avalon," Vincent scorned.

He slammed my head against the hard floor, emphasizing his point. My vision blurred and I blacked out from the pain. I was out for a few minutes, because when I regained consciousness I saw Vincent wiping his hands with a wet cloth.

"Clean yourself up," he said tossing the cloth at me.

Vincent turned around and left, leaving me bloody and bruised lying on the floor.

I pulled myself up, using the sofa for support. I managed to sit down on the sofa, catching my breath. I wiped at the blood spilling into my eye, every inch of my body aching. When I thought I'd make it, I got up, locked the front door and walked to the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I looked at myself in the mirror my body sprouting black and purple bruises. I turned on the faucet, catching the water in the palms of my hands and washed the blood from my face.

I stared at my reflection rubbing off some dried blood. This was what my life was like now. It had become days of pretending that I was the picture of happiness, and that my relationship was more than just a showcase of power. My days were filled with empty words and fake smiles. I was nothing more than an actress following the script of her own life. It was what my life had become. One lie after the other, one pretentious moment following another. The lesson of each day was supposed to be simple.

Do not put a toe out of line, keep to the script and I won't get hurt. If only it was that easy. Life's not that easy, it rarely was. I looked at the bruises and cuts on my face and I knew that I had to get out. But I couldn't. I couldn't leave my people to the mercy of Vincent. He would run our race into the ground. I got undressed studying my body in the mirror. There wasn't an inch of flesh on the front of my body not covered in black or purple bruises. This is nothing compared to other times.

Believe it or not I've been beaten to the brink of death a few times.

I wrapped my bashed body in a clean towel, walking out into my room. I sat down at the end of the bed, leaning against the bedpost. I couldn't bring myself to heal.

It felt like too much of an effort. I laid back, my feet still on the ground, closing my eyes. I woke up, the room dark, the sun replaced by the moon.

I sat up my body stiff and my head throbbing. I felt nauseas and disoriented.

I laid back down, holding my head in my hands and closing my eyes. It all hurts. Even breathing hurts. I opened my eyes and tried to sit up again.

"Did he do this?" a voice asked, stepping out of the shadows.

"Good God," I said jumping up.

My eyes adjusted to the darkness and settled on Damon's figure. I knew it was him.

I could sense it, even before I could see him. Damon took a step closer reaching out to touch my cheek. I stepped back dropping my gaze.

"It's nothing," I said. I walked to the bedside table, getting a match to light a candle.

It wasn't really necessary to have light, with Damon and I both having supernatural vision. But I lighted another candle anyway, the room cast in a dim light.

It was enough light for us to not stand in utter darkness. I turned around facing Damon again. I could see his eyes travelling up and down my body, taking in every bruise.

"It doesn't look like nothing," he noted looking me in the eyes.

"You should go," I said walking past Damon, heading to the bathroom.

I wanted a nice long bath and take time to heal myself before morning.

Before Vincent showed up again. Damon moved with me, trying to block my entrance to the bathroom. "I can rip his heart out," Damon suggested, putting his hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off not wanting to be touched. I shook my head.

"He wants me to control you, make you obey his every command," I took a deep breath. "I should've never let you drink my blood, because he won't stop until he has you. So, go and forget about all of this," I said pushing him towards the door.

"Come with me," Damon responded standing his ground. My attempts to push him turned futile, my strength no match to that of Damon's.

"I can't." I shook my head, taking a step back. "He's going to kill you." It almost sounded like Damon cared about me, but I knew it wasn't true. He only cared about my blood and the power it gave him.

"My life isn't there for you to play with anymore, Damon. I'm so close to getting my blood boiled for committing treason, and _I_ won't survive that," I said a bit frantic.

If Vincent found out that I was conspiring with Damon to leave, he would try me for treason. I really didn't want that. It was almost worse than dying itself.

"Boil your blood?" Damon asked with a chuckle.

"Yes it's how they purify a Keeper's blood, and take away their powers."

"Actually boil your blood?" Damon seemed a little disgusted.

"Yes! They strap you down on a table, place candles around you, and then they boil your blood and pull it through your veins. It's called Purification. Some people survive physically but they hardly survive mentally. The pain is brutal."

"That sounds like fun," he said with a smirk.

"I should have known someone as sadistic as you would find joy in someone else's pain," I retorted, falling into that easy banter Damon and I did so well.

"It's what I live for," Damon shrugged, that playful smile of his pulling at his lips.

"So to speak." Damon sat down on the bed, because he knew that I wasn't going to kick him out any time soon. "In all seriousness, I think you should go," I said bringing us back to reality. "You're really scared?"

"Oh, don't pretend like you have a soul, Damon."

"Ow. That hurts my feelings," he said nonchalantly.

"Screw you," I retorted.

"Now that's too easy," he chuckled.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**Chapter Sixteen**

_**Reality**_

"_**Breathing in the night. There's nothing else I'm needing now. The wind is at my side. And so are you. And together we will rise..." ~ The Frames**_

"_**All I ever wanted. All I ever needed. Is here in my arms. Words are very unnecessary. They can only do harm..." ~ Depeche Mode**_

"_**A simple fear to wash you away. An open mind cancelled it today. A silent song that's in your words. A different taste that's in your mind..." ~ 30 Seconds to Mars**_

I stood in the kitchen tossing the salad, watching the scene unfolding outside. The men were standing around the grill talking and joking, and the women were sitting in the sun soaking up the rays and watching the kids play. It has been twelve weeks since Abel's birth. And somewhere in that time I had somewhat moved in with Jax and Abel. I was beginning to spend more and more time at Jax's house than at my own, opting to help out with Abel. I still wasn't completely sure if I was ready for anything serious, but I did know that I really cared about Jax, Abel and the Club.

"You're making a mistake," Alex said coming to a stand behind me. I jumped and turned around. I didn't even hear him come in. "What mistake?" I asked, taking the salad bowl and putting it in the fridge. "This thing between you and Jax," he said.

"Are you still trying to get into my pants, Alex?" I gave him a smile. He smiled back but there was worry in his eyes. "What is it Alex?"

"Nothing. I just want what's best for you." Over the last few months Alex and I have become really close. "I'm a big girl."

"You're like a daughter to me," he said honestly.

"That's so perverse, I don't even wanna think about it," I joked.

He rolled his eyes and leaned against the kitchen counter, crossing his arms.

"I'll be fine," I reassured him leaning next to him.

"I'm just looking out for you," Alex said putting his arm around my shoulders.

"I know," I said leaning into him.

"Babe!" Jax called from the back door. "In here," I yelled.

Alex gave me a peck on the head and left, passing Jax on his way out.

"Everything okay?" Jax asked putting his arms around my waist.

"It is now," I said standing on the tip of my toes, offering Jax my lips.

Jax didn't hesitate meeting my lips with his, kissing me passionately.

Jax left Charming three days ago on some kind of job for Clay and the Club. I didn't ask too many questions, choosing to rather not know all the details. All I needed to know was that they had a drug problem they needed to take care of, and that it involved another Motorcycle Club. Recently drugs have popped up in Charming, and it didn't please Clay and the Sons one bit. Charming was to be drug free.

Jax left with Clay, Alex, Filip, Opie, Juice, and Happy. I was worried for Jax and the guys, but there wasn't much I could do. So, I just went about my normal routine.

This was what my life had become. I was used to being left alone looking after Abel.

I found out that being with Jax meant I had to get used to a lot of impromptu "business" trips on Jax's behalf. I won't lie, it wasn't always easy. For one I hated being in the house all by myself after dark, and two I hated sleeping in an empty bed. I never felt too safe. Being with Jax meant I had a target on my back. I was used to being in dangerous situations, but I always had some sort of protection.

With Jax gone I felt left out in the open. Especially recently. I felt a constant sense of doom looming in the air. Like trouble was developing on the horizon.

I pulled up in front of Gemma and Clay's house, getting out and taking Abel out of his car seat. Gemma met me by the car, taking Abel from me and showering him with kisses. "Hey," I greeted. "Hello," she kissed my cheek and turned around, carrying Abel into the house. I pulled out my handbag and Abel's nappy bag, and locked the car heading over to join Gemma and Abel. Gemma had invited us for dinner and a chance to catch up. "Have you talked to Jax?" she asked over her shoulder. I closed the door, shaking my head. "I got a quick call."

"Those men, one call wouldn't kill them."

"Jax normally calls to say goodnight to Abel, but he hasn't."

"God, I hope they're alright."

"We'll find out eventually."

"Probably," she said amused. I put my handbag on the counter and fetched a pre-made bottle from Abel's bag. I handed it to Gemma, who fed Abel.

"You and Jax doing okay?"

"Yeah, we're fine."

"That's good to hear. You are exactly what that boy needs."

I smiled and watched as Abel fell asleep in Gemma's arms. Gemma put him in the crib she had in her living room, and asked me to help set the dining table. I smiled and grabbed a couple of plates. Gemma moved towards the dining room, and I followed her, setting the table. The rest of the evening past much the less the same way.

We talked and laughed, having a good old catch up. It was what made being part of Club life worthwhile. We were all like family. Gemma made sure we were all taken care off. Midnight came around and I got ready to leave. Gemma insisted I stay over, but I wanted to sleep in my own bed. Not wanting to wake Abel, and get him home, I agreed to leave him at Gemma's. I said goodbye, got in my car and drove home.

I got home, the security light switching on. I welcomed the sudden brightness, assessing my surroundings. I don't know why, but I was really paranoid.

I got out, grabbed my handbag from the passenger seat, closed the door and locked the car. I hurried to the front door, wanting nothing more than to get inside and lock the door behind me. Once inside and the door locked, I switched on a few lights, moving to the living room. I turned on the television, heading to the kitchen.

I grabbed a bag of potato chips and a bottle of water, settling down on the couch, flipping through channels. I found an old grey and white movie, making myself comfortable. There was something calming about watching an old classic. It sort of reminded me of home, of how live used to be. I felt a lot better a few minutes later.

I must have fallen asleep, because I woke up as the front door opened.

I sat up rubbing my eyes. The front door slammed shut pulling me out of my fogginess. Infomercials were playing on the television too loudly. I turned it off, the house enveloped in a sudden silence. Footsteps echoed through the house, getting louder as they neared the living room. I got up slowly, evaluating my chances of getting away if trouble walked into the room. I hurried over to the wall unit, reaching into the top cabinet pulling out a gun. The footsteps stopped a few feet behind me, making me jump. I spun around holding the gun in both hands, ready to shoot.

I got a good look at the people standing in front of me, dropping my arms.

Clay and Alex stood in the living room, holding a bloody Jax on his feet.

I put the gun down closing my eyes for a split second. It was just the guys with a bloody Jax. There wasn't an immediate danger. "What the hell happened?" I asked scuttling to where the three men stood. "Retaliation," Alex said, like it was the most natural thing. Then again this was a usual thing in the Club, so I guess I should get used to it. I pushed the coffee table out of the way, preferring Jax to be on the floor, getting blood on the carpet. It was easier to replace a carpet than replacing the sofa.

I really liked the sofa. They laid a grunting Jax on the floor, moving away to give me some space. "There's a First-Aid kit in the kitchen," I said to no one in particular.

"I'll get it," Alex offered leaving me with Jax and Clay.

Clay got up and pulled out his phone. "I better call the old lady," he said leaving the room. Jax opened his eyes, giving me an apologetic look. I rolled my eyes, ignoring it and inspected his wounds. I turned Jax on his side making sure no bullet left his body. There were no indications that a bullet went through. I turned Jax back, not at all gentle. "Anyone else get hurt?"

"No," Jax grumbled gritting his teeth. Men could be such babies.

The gunshots weren't that deep, missed vital organs, and were easy to take care of.

All I needed was to remove the bullets, get the gaping wounds shut, and make sure there was no infection. Jax was going to live. Alex returned with the First-Aid kit, putting it down next to me. Clay returned a few seconds later, stuffing his cell back in his jeans pocket. His face told me Gemma gave him a piece of her mind.

I could sense Clay was reaching his end, but kept it hidden from the other members. That meant it wasn't going to be too long before Jax needs to take over the Club.

I wasn't too sure how I felt about that prospect for our lives. I wasn't ready to be the Vice President's old lady, let alone the President's. Not if it meant I had to have Gemma's strength and resilience. "Gemma's on her way," Clay said.

I opened the kit, put on my gloves, and got to work. I cleaned the gunshots, dug around for the bullets, and sowed the wounds shut. I was still busy with the second wound when Gemma arrived. She assessed the situation and pulled Clay into the other room. Jax was awake, cringing and flinching whenever I got near the wounds.

I asked Alex to get Jax something to drink, preferable whiskey or something stronger.

"You scared the shit out of me," Gemma informed Jax, returning to the living room, sitting down on the sofa, looking down at us.

"I got Sasha to watch Abel," Gemma told me.

"Thanks," I said stitching the last of the two gunshot wounds.

"Abel's not here?" Jax asked lifting his head, looking at what I was doing.

I was jabbing a bit hard with the needle. "He fell asleep at Gemma's."

"Oh." Was all Jax said laying back again. When I was done, Alex helped Jax up, and Gemma and I started cleaning up the mess. I rolled up the carpet, leaving the tile floor bare and cold.

"I'll take care of Abel," Gemma said kissing my cheek. She kissed Jax's cheek, and left with Clay. Gemma left in her car and Clay on his motorcycle. Alex hugged Jax goodbye and kissed my forehead. "See you later dear," he said as he left.

I closed the door when Alex left, turned around and faced Jax. I was reaching the end of my patience. I was getting sick of always worrying about Jax, about the Club business reaching home, about our relationship not being strong enough to handle all the shit that happened, and a lot of other things that seemed to come up constantly.

I knew that being with Jax was going to be challenging, and Gemma made it clear that I had to be strong. But Jax wasn't indestructible. One day it wouldn't just be a few cuts and bruises, or gunshot wounds. It would be fatal. I wasn't sure I could handle that. I turned around and headed to the bed room. I grabbed my bag and started packing up my stuff. Jax followed me to the bedroom, confused.

"What's wrong?" Jax asked. I met his concerned stare.

"I can't do this," I said throwing my clothes into the bag, a lump forming in my throat.

"I thought that I could but I can't. I'm not strong enough."

"Ava," Jax said taking a step closer to me, reaching out his hand.

"No! I should've never gotten involved."

"I'm fine."

"I'm sorry," I whispered zipping the bag shut, and picking it up.

"This was all a mistake." I rushed out of the room, the bag of my belongings in one hand and handbag in the other. I headed down the driveway and chucked the bags in the back of my car. Jax followed hurt and taken aback by the sudden change in my feelings. Maybe I was overreacting, but I wasn't strong enough to have my heart broken again. Especially not by getting involved with a mortal and have him die on me. I looked up teary eyed meeting Jax's saddened gaze. "I'm sorry," I said again getting in my car. I drove off leaving Jax standing on his porch wounded, physically and emotionally.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

**Chapter Seventeen**

_**The Time Is Now**_

_**"No longer the lost. No longer the same. And I can see you starting to break. I'll keep you alive **_

_**If you show me the way..." ~ Breaking Benjamin**_

_**"I'll leave the door on the latch. If you ever come back, if you ever come back. There'll be a light in the hall and the key under the mat. If you ever come back. There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on, and it will be just like you were never gone..." ~ The Script**_

_**"What was love? Something that I just dreamed of... Oh, I was numb and had my demons. I lost hope, you gave me reason..." ~ James Durbin**_

I came home after a double shift kicking off my shoes at the front door and heading to my bedroom. It had been one very long day, the promise of a good night's sleep my reward. I got my hairbrush, sat down on my bed and combed out my hair. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail, getting up and putting my hair brush on the bedside table.

I walked into the bathroom drawing myself a nice warm bath. I turned off the faucet and went back to my room to get a towel and my clothes. The door swung open, making me jump. I bit back the scream, which almost escaped my mouth, when my eyes fell on Jax. His hair was tied back, and he wore baggy jeans, white T-Shirt and his Sons of Anarchy hoodie. His hair and outfit made him look ten years younger.

My body betrayed me, as my heart skipped a beat and lust grew inside me settling between my legs. It has been years since a man has had this kind of effect on my body.

Before I could open my mouth he started on the speech he had obviously prepared on his way over here. "I don't care about all the reasons why we won't work. Or that you believe you're damaged goods. You won't give up on this! You can't give up on this," he took a breath. "And for Christ's sake I'd be a fool to let you go. For some reason we work, and I for one wants to see this through," Jax said, meeting my green gaze.

I was taken aback by his declaration of affection towards me.

I was sure that we were over. It has been more than a week since I left Jax standing alone by his front door, wounded and confused. I stared at him, not sure what to say.

I thought I made it clear that we couldn't work. "You're gonna make me say it aren't you?" he asked, taking my hands in his. I had no idea what he meant. And I had no intention of rummaging through his brain to find out what he was thinking or feeling. "Jax don't make this harder than it already is," I said pulling my hands free and getting up from the bed. "There's more to this than fear of getting your heart broken," he said.

"You expect too much of me. Your mother expects too much of me."

"I don't understand."

"I became an old lady and a mother in a matter of weeks!" I said letting out the reason why I felt overwhelmed and scared. "You're going to have to give me some time to process that," I said, meeting his blue gaze. I tried to convey to him how much I cared for him, Abel, the Club and its members. Jax broke out into that brilliant smile of his, his eyes alight with happiness. I stared at him, confused, not exactly sure why he was so happy. We were in the midst of a break-up as well as trying to figure out how to make this work. Hardly an occasion to be happy about. Jax closed the gap between us, scooping me into his arms. "My old lady, huh?" he asked, his eyes sparkling, our lips barely touching. I couldn't help but smile, his joy contagious. "I promised myself I wouldn't get involved," I said. "Dammit! Why'd you have to be so God damn charming?" Jax smiled, planting his lips on mine, kissing me with a passion I've never felt from him before. He picked me up and carried me to bed. He laid me down, and stood up taking off his clothes. I followed suit and removed all my clothes.

He got down on me, positioning himself between my legs, and stroking my face.

I put my hand on his scruffy cheek, our eyes locking.

"I can't lose you," I whispered.

"Then you won't," he said kissing me.

I pushed Jax over, straddling him. I looked down and our eyes locked.

My heart skipped a beat and I couldn't stop the smile forming. Jax stared at me with love and affection. I leaned down and kissed him, and for the first time it was a kiss that wasn't filled with doubt and fear. It was a kiss filled with fervor and utter joy.

Jax entered me and I gasped into the kiss, my lips and skin tingling with every kiss and every touch. Jax rolled over and I wrapped my leg around him, digging my nails into his back. Amidst the passion Jax pulled away slightly, cupped my face and looked me in the eyes. "Marry me," Jax whispered. "Yes," I said, caught up in the moment.

A while later I sat up, clutching the sheets to my chest, turning so I could look at Jax.

"We can't get married," I said, the weight of the commitment weighing heavy on my shoulders. This was all happening too fast. Marrying Jax meant that I'd be a wife, mother, and an official member of the family. I wasn't sure if I was ready for that type of commitment. "Why not?' Jax asked, sitting up. "Because we barely know each other. It's not even been six months," I said matter-of-factly.

"This last week without you was hell," Jax said.

"I just think we should wait."

"I know you're scared, but I love you!" He cupped my face and leaned forward kissing my forehead. "I'm terrified," I whispered, closing my eyes.

"We'll be terrified together."

I came home after a long day's work, feeling exhausted. I had two back-to-back surgeries, and a very difficult case I had to assist with. I worked a double shift, feeling every hour's work taking a toll on my body. The sleepless nights were also catching up to me. I needed a hot bath and a good night's sleep. I felt absolutely knackered.

I walked up to the house, my feet dragging, my eyes dry and itchy. The front door opened, Jax standing there with a welcoming smile. I was never so happy to see him as at that precise moment. I was home. I gave him a tired smile, walking into his outstretched arms. Jax held me, as I rested my tired head against his chest, closing my eyes for a brief moment. "Gemma brought dinner," he said wrapping his arm around my shoulders, steering me to the kitchen. I still had on my scrubs, deciding not to get dressed at the hospital, opting to take a bath at home, and go straight to bed.

Jax had my food already reheated and out on the dining room table. One of the many reasons why I fell in love with Jax. Sure he wasn't perfect, neither was I.

Our relationship have never been anything but complicated, but then again my whole life's complicated. I sat down, not wasting any time, digging in. God! I was starving. My stomach rumbled in gratitude at being fed. It was also nice to be off my feet, sitting down for longer than five minutes. There was no pager and no nurse that could interrupt. Jax poured me a glass of OJ, placing it down in front of me.

"Abel go to bed alright?" I asked taking a sip of my drink.

"He was exhausted, so he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow."

I nodded, swallowing the pasta. "How was work?" Jax asked, getting up and getting a beer from the fridge. "Busy," I said. After that Jax and I made small talk while I ate.

It was a relief to put the day behind me. I took a warm bath with Jax, letting him give me a massage. We were in the bathtub for a while, talking and relaxing, just enjoying being in each other's company. The water was starting to run cold when we finally decided to get out. I got out first, grabbing a towel, wrapping it around my body.

I threw Jax one over my shoulder walking into our room, while drying myself.

Jax walked in the towel wrapped around his waist, as I spread lotion on my legs.

I was sitting on the bed, still wrapped in a towel, finishing rubbing lotion onto my left leg. Jax got down on his knees in front of me, taking the body lotion and rubbing my sore feet. I leaned back on my hands, closing my eyes, getting pleasure from being pampered. Jax's hands slipped up my legs, coming to a rest on my thighs. Jax kissed the inside of my thigh, all my worries and fears fading faster than I could blink.


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**Chapter Eighteen**

_**Caught Up In The Moment**_

"_**You're a shooting star I see. A vision of ecstasy. When you hold me, I'm alive. We're like diamonds in the sky..." ~ Rihanna**_

_**"You've become a part of me. You'll always be right here. You've become a part of me. You'll always be my fear...Giving up a part of me. I've let myself become you..." ~ Linkin Park**_

"_**Caught up in this moment. Caught up in your smile. I've never opened up to anyone. So hard to hold back when I'm holding you in my arms..." ~ Karmin**_

Being in a relationship sometimes seems so easy when you're looking in from the outside. Some couples just look like they are meant to be together, that they are a perfect fit. When you're in a relationship, often problems don't show until you're in too deep. Love at times is an ugly thing. Just ask me.

A couple of my previous relationships were stained with violence, blood, and tears.

In some ways it's not so different with Jax. There wasn't as much violence and blood in our relationship, as I was used to, but it was just as complicated.

Throwing a young child in the mix made it even more so. Being engaged to Jax, and raising his son, was sure not easy when you throw in the hostility of Club life.

I got out of my car, slamming the door shut behind me, placing my handbag in the crook of my arm. I've been living in Charming for some time now, and it hasn't been a secret that Jax and I were recently engaged, yet people still stared when they saw me. Two women walking past me stared openly at me, obviously talking about me. They made no attempt to pretend they were talking about someone or something else.

Maybe it's that I was an outsider, or that I wasn't tall and aggressive looking enough.

Which is the worst mistake they could make. Of all people, I knew how to do what was needed no matter what the circumstances, or the consequences that would follow.

I headed into the Post Office, ticking off just one of my many errands. I walked in, Norman greeting me with a big smile. "Hi, Dr. Winters," he said stepping behind the counter. "You can call me, Ava, I said with a friendly smile.

I stopped at the counter and waited for Norman to give me my mail. I prefer to not get mail delivered at home for various reasons. It's just easier this way.

Norman came back, the smile wiped from his face, his eyes serious.

"What it is Norman?" I asked, alarmed.

"My wife and I are Keepers," he said in a really low whisper. I had to strain to hear him, and I wondered if I heard correctly. "We got out before you're father died, so I know who you are."

"I'm sorry I don't understand," I said pretending like I had no idea what he meant.

"Your name is Avalon Victoria Harvey."

My poker face slipped and I saw Norman realize that he got me. I sighed and gave up the pretence. "I'm not looking for trouble," I said in earnest.

"I know, but trouble has found you."

"Have you sensed his people?" I asked a bit panicked.

"No. But someone has been asking after you."

"One of ours or one of them?"

"One of them," Norman replied, unimpressed. "Hattie and I are not looking for any trouble." I nodded, filled with fear and sadness. This is how it starts.

"I understand. Thanks," I said taking my mail. I headed out of the Post Office dread settling in. I don't know why I thought it would be different. Eventually my past was going to catch up to me. I just thought I would have a little longer.

"Hey Ava, Hattie and I will do our best to keep you safe."

"I don't want you guys involved. You got out and I don't want my mess to drag you guys back in."

"I promised your parents I'd keep you safe and I intend to honor that promise."

"Thank you." I left feeling upset and angry. Couldn't he just let me be. Haven't Damon done enough. He already ripped me to shreds and left me with the mess. What more can he do?

It's been a month since Norman told me that Damon had been asking around in search of me, and yet there was no sign of him. Even the nightmares have subsided, leaving me to get some well deserved sleep. Everything was close to perfect. But I didn't want to say it out loud, because I might jinx the happiness I was feeling. I sat in the study, typing away on my computer. My fingers were moving fast over the keypad, words appearing on the screen in quick successions. All my thoughts found themselves on the screen, almost like they were typed on their own accord.

I stopped for a breather, and read what I had typed so far. My sentences flowed well and my structuring seemed close to perfect. I changed a few words, and added a few commas. I sat back admiring the work I've done in a brief period.

I looked up at the clock that hung on the wall; the time telling me I had a couple of hours before I had to go pick Abel up from Gemma's. I reached over, picking up the phone, dialing Gemma's cell. Two rings later Gemma answered.

I was in the midst of my conversation with Gemma when I heard the front door open. "Babe?" Jax called from the other side of the house. Gemma who had heard Jax, told me that she expected Jax and I to stay for dinner when we went around to get Abel.

I assured her that we would be there around six-ish and hung up.

"In here!" I called back, returning my attention to my computer. I clicked _save_, closed the document and filed it under today's date. Jax poked his head inside the door, and greeted me with a smile. I smiled back, beckoning for him to come in.

I turned in my seat to give Jax my full attention.

"You want me to pick up Abel?" Jax asked, sitting down on the arm of my chair.

I looked up at him, and for a moment I forgot what it was he had asked me. Jax's eyes were bluer than normal, and with his hair tied back I couldn't help but get distracted. Jax smiled more or less knowing what it was I was thinking. I snapped out of trance.

"We'll go together," I said with a bright smile. Jax leaned in and kissed me on the forehead. He smelled so good I forgot for a moment that I had to tell him Gemma expected us to stay and have dinner, instead imagining the two of us naked and devouring each other. "I found us a venue," Jax said interrupting my rather filthy thoughts. I sat up straighter, immediately interested in what Jax had said.

Dirty hot sex could wait. On top of everything that was happening, I was trying to plan a wedding. A very slow process, which was proving to be a lot more difficult. Finding a venue suitable for a rather complicated wedding was really hard, and I was beginning to think that it was an impossible task. Jax on the other hand was not going to give up without at least trying. "Seriously?" I asked delighted, looking up at Jax.

He laughed getting up and took my hand in his, pulling me out of my chair. He spun me around and dipped me. I laughed wrapping my arms around his neck, as he pulled me back to my feet. He kissed me with so much passion the dirty images from a moment before played out in my head again. I used my elbows to pull myself up as Jax positioned his hands on my ass, lifting me onto the desk. I pushed a few things away to make space for my ass. Jax grabbed fists full of my hair, pulling my head back, kissing my neck. I slipped off his cuts and shirt, moving fast so I could get him out of his pants. Jax pulled on my underwear, moving away from me, taking off the little piece of fabric. I spread my legs, yanking Jax back between my legs.

Jax's hand gripped my ass cheek and pushed inside me. I moaned digging my heel into the small of his back, raking my nails across his scalp. Jax kissed me feverishly, lust rolling off him in tidal waves. It engulfed me and I lost myself in the moment of heat, allowing Jax to take control of me and my emotions.


	20. Chapter Nineteen

**Chapter Nineteen**

_**Just Another Day**_

"_**Come feed the rain 'cause I'm thirsty for your love dancing underneath the skies of lust. Yeah, feed the rain 'cause without your love my life ain't nothing but this carnival of rust..." ~ Poets of the Fall**_

"_**Words are very unnecessary. They can only do harm..." ~ Depeche Mode**_

_**"Sometimes I get you. Sometimes I don't understand. Sometimes I love you. Sometimes it's you I can't stand. Sometimes I wanna hug you. Sometimes I wanna push you away. Most times I wanna kiss you..." ~ Rihanna**_

I sat in the rocking chair in Abel's nursery, singing to him. It was all that got him to sleep lately. I had awoken to find Jax's side of the bed empty and the house eerily dark. I switched on a light, and walked to Abel's nursery picking him up.

"Shh," I cooed, cradling him against my chest, realizing just how much he had grown. I stared at the door, the house way too quite. I was used to working night shifts, with beeping machines, chattering, and squeaky floors. Abel stirred in my arms, grasping a fistful of my silk nightwear. I smiled, looking at him, resting my head on the side of the chair. He sighed, sleep finally pulling him under. When I was sure Abel was asleep, I got up and placed him back in his crib. I went back to bed, wondering where Jax was, like I've done so many nights. I woke up with the sound of the front door closing. I got up and headed downstairs. I stopped three stairs from the bottom, leaning against the banister, watching Jax drop his keys on the table by the door.

It took Jax a while to sense my presence. It's believed that people have a sixth sense, and that it depended on their awareness to the world. Some people can sense the presence of people dead or alive, some can sense what's about to happen present or future, and other's just had the knack to know what other's were thinking and feeling by reading their body language. Jax had a sixth sense for sensing when trouble would hit, or when violence was around the corner. Technically, he was your typical bad boy, with the skills of being charming and dangerous. I knew what I was getting myself into when I first started seeing Jax, but sometimes I like him to have the courtesy to at least leave me a note to tell me that he's leaving. I didn't cross my arms, or used my body to portray that I was upset. I just stared. I was good at staring.

Jax met my gaze, giving me that charming smile of his. The one he gave me when he wanted to make his wrongs right. That smile normally made me melt and forgive him. There was nothing to be forgiven today; I just wanted Jax to acknowledge that him just leaving without so much as a note makes me worry. So, I smiled back and took the last three steps. I let Jax kiss me on the cheek, following him to the kitchen.

Jax sat down at the kitchen counter, as I went to make coffee.

"You're upset," Jax observed taking a sip from his cup.

I shook my head opening the fridge, retrieving a carton of Orange Juice.

"I just don't like waking up to find that you've gone."

"We had business to take care of," he said in way of explaining his absence.

We, meant him and some of the guys from SAMCRO. I poured myself a glass of juice, taking my time to reply to that. I didn't want to start a fight today. I was not in the mood, and I didn't have the energy. I was never disillusioned by Jax's lifestyle.

I knew what I was getting into, and I didn't mind. I mean, you got to do what you've got to do. I knew exactly what that was like, so I don't judge.

So Jax never felt the need to lie to me about what he does for the club. But lately things have changed. He was sharing less and less with me. I don't know whether it was because he wants to protect me, or because he just doesn't want me to know.

At first it bothered me, but as time went by I just let it go. I left it up to Jax to talk to me when and if he wanted. We didn't have the most conventional relationship, but it worked for us. I turned around taking a sip of my juice, sitting down opposite Jax.

"I just want to know where you are, Jax," I said putting down my glass.

"It was club business," Jax said a little heatedly. I saw the flicker of anger behind his eyes, waiting for a fight. I could feel my own emotions clouding my response.

His statement was code for that he did something he wasn't ready to share with me. It basically meant he did something illegal. Not that it bothered me. I was so used to law breaking, no wait, downright criminal activity. It was part of society, and who was I to try and change it? "A goddamn note isn't too much to ask for!" I snapped.

I stood up, turned my back on Jax for a second, before I spun around to face him again. "It doesn't have to be a hefty note! You could write, club business, or I'm off screwing a whore!" I took a deep breath, instantly regretting the last statement. I knew that I was overreacting, and that it was being very irrational.

"It just have to tell me you're out," I finished turning my back on Jax again, mentally kicking myself. I wasn't looking for a fight, but I started one anyway. It was so silent; I could hear the refrigerator running, and a car starting in the distance.

I concentrated on the sound of the refrigerator, wishing I could take back the last three minutes of my life. Some days I ask myself what I'm doing here, in Charming.

But here I was standing in a house, with a fiancé, and a son that I loved like he was my own flesh and blood. Life hardly ever turns out the way you wanted it to. Because reality was always close behind knocking you to the ground, making you aware of who's truly in charge. I snapped out of my reverie, and turned around to look at Jax. "I'm sorry," I said running my fingers through my hair. "You're right, need to know only." Jax met my eyes, an understanding passing through us. Once again a heated argument avoided. Life returned to normal, or at least as normal as it could be for us.

Jax nodded, gave me his attractive smile and got up. He looked tired, like he aged over night. Too many times lately he would come home after a Club task looking like he had a rough night, and needed at least a day to recuperate. Jax came over, kissed me on the head, and left the kitchen. The air cooled down around me, anger and resentment a distant sentiment. I sat down resting my head in my hand.

This was going to be a long day. I took a deep breath, got off the stool and started to unpack the dishwasher. It only took me a few minutes to unload the dishwasher and to put our dirty dishes back in. I made Abel a bottle, and made my way upstairs ready for him to wake up. It was time to get the day started. I needed to get Abel dressed and fed before I had to go to work. As I climbed the stairs I heard the water running, Jax taking a shower. I headed to Abel's nursery, opened the door, switched on the light, and on queue Abel stirred and opened his eyes. I changed him and it was a struggle, like every other morning. "I'm gonna be late, sweetie," I begged trying to keep Abel still and stop him from crying. Everything went well until he had to be changed.

Abel cried in response, kicking his feet. "Sweetie," I said putting my hands on his knees, in an attempt to stop the kicking. Abel stared at me tentatively for a few seconds, before going back to his crying. We struggled for a few minutes and finally I was able to get the nappy on. Now I just had to get him dressed, great.

Jax showed up in the doorway, a towel wrapped around his waist, rubbing his hair dry with a smaller towel. I looked up tired and frustrated, heaving a sigh. Jax came in and managed to get Abel dressed. A couple of minutes later Abel was dressed, and ready to start his day. "Thanks," I said relieved, taking Abel. Jax smiled, heading to our bedroom to get dressed. I headed to the kitchen with Abel on my hip, which all of a sudden looked too clean. I grabbed the bottle and headed to the living room.

Jax came in, took Abel and the bottle from me and sat down. I leaned against the wall, smiling and enjoying the scene in front of me. It was moments like these that I realized just how much I have missed having a family. There was warmth and love in the room, making me forget all about the almost fight Jax and I had. _We were going to be okay_, I thought smiling.


	21. Chapter Twenty

**Chapter Twenty**

_**Can't Run Forever**_

_**"Lost but now I am found. I can see but once I was blind. I was so confused as a little child. Trying to take what I could get. Scared that I couldn't find all the answers honey..." ~ Lana Del Rey**_

_**"Oh, her eyes, her eyes. Make the stars look like they're not shinin'. Her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her trying. She's so beautiful and I tell her everyday..." ~ Bruno Mars**_

_**"If ever your world starts crashing down. Whenever your world starts crashing down. Whenever your world starts crashing down. That's where you'll find me..." ~ One Republic**_

I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down to take advantage of the ten minutes I had free. I pulled a magazine closer reading three week old celebrity gossip. My feet were throbbing in my shoes, my legs tired and prickly. I've been on my feet for nearly six hours, operating on a young woman, in her mid-twenties. She finally got approved for a heart transplant. But, like most things these days there were complications.

I nearly lost the patient. I took another sip from my coffee, turning the page.

"That man! I swear I feel like slapping him," Sasha said walking in heading to the counter, pouring herself a cup of coffee. I looked up smiling, meeting Sasha's big green gaze. "What did he do?" I asked her, closing the magazine.

She rolled her eyes, giving a resigned sigh. "Benjamin is such a jackass," she said.

I raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue. "You'd think wearing this," Sasha jammed her wedding ring under my nose, making sure that I saw the sparkling diamond. "Would discourage ass grabbing and sexual remarks."

Doctor Benjamin Joseph was a short balding man in his late-forties. He's the most arrogant and probably the most off putting man I have ever met. And believe me I've met my fair share of men. None of them even compare to Doctor Joseph. Well, I did meet this French guy once, who thought he was God himself. "Some people never change," I said, shaking my head, taking another sip from my coffee.

"Talking about people!" Sasha said excitedly, changing the subject. "Matt from Oncology slept with Sue from Paeds, and they were caught in bed by Hannah!" Talking to Sasha was like talking a talkative teenager. She had a whole lot of energy, and didn't always know what to do with it. That's why there was never a dull moment when she was around. "Are you serious?" I asked, putting my cup down, and looking behind me. Whenever we gossiped the people we were gossiping about would just show up. It was like a magic trick. The coast was clear and I leaned in, actually interested in the latest staff news. What can I say; I'm a sucker for good gossip.

I'm a girl after all; it's what we strive for. It was no secret that Hannah Smith, a nurse, was dating Doctor Matt Rzewski. How Doctor Sue Jones got dragged in (well...seduced is more appropriate), I couldn't quite grasp. I mean, it was no secret that those two could never see eye to eye. I guess when it came down to carnal pleasure they had some kind of understanding.

"I've always said there was sexual tension between those two," Sasha remarked sitting back in her chair, feeling content with her own observations.

"So, what happened?" I asked in anticipation. I could sense there was more to the story. Sasha wouldn't just bring it up if it didn't have more to it. "Rumor is," Sasha leaned forward her voice a mere whisper. "Hannah merely looked at the two of them in their compromising position, laughed, and told Matt she's expecting his best friend's kid!" Sasha exulted. "No!" I breathed. Sasha looked like a kid in a toy store, pleasure glistening in her eyes. This was _the _gossip of the week. The cream of the crop. Sasha was in her element, excitement bubbling inside her. She was a real drama junkie. It was no wonder she loved working in the Emergency Department.

"I know!" I wasn't sure if she enjoyed the story because Sue got caught with her pants down, or because Matt got what he deserved. I don't think it really mattered who was more humiliated by this. It gave people something to talk about.

It was a nice warm day outside and I took the opportunity to take Abel for a walk. I had the day off and was planning on spending the time running errands, but I couldn't pass up the day to enjoy the sun. After our walk I fed Abel and put him down for his nap. I opened all the windows and the doors, letting in the fresh air and sunlight.

I sat down at the dining room table and pulled the box of wedding invitations and envelopes towards me. I have been putting off doing this for a long time, the reality of my upcoming nuptials a bit overwhelming. I started putting the invitations into envelopes. In six months I will be Mrs. Ava Marie Teller. Just thinking about it made me a little uncomfortable. I loved Jax, I really did. I just don't know how to be this. Be a mother and a wife. If you told me a year ago that I would become a wife and a mother in a year's time I would have told you that you were crazy.

But here I was about to walk down the aisle. Jax and I have only been together eight months, and we might be rushing into things, but you only live once right. Except when you're me or any other supernatural being. I put another invitation into an envelope and stopped. I turned the envelope over the name on the front a cold wake up call. Stefan Salvatore was inked in gold calligraphy on the front of the envelope.

The Salvatore's (Stefan and Damon) were the only people I had that were like family, except for Sasha and Dave of course. Jax's family, Club members and acquaintances were all invited to the wedding. I only had Sasha, Dave, Stefan, and a couple of nurses and a doctor who were invited. It wasn't till we made the list of people to invite that I realized just how alone I was in the world. I had no real family left.

It was only me. That's why I wanted to ask Stefan if he'd walk me down the aisle.

He was my closet friend and the closet person I had that has known me almost as long as I have been on the run. I put the sealed envelope to one side and just sat there staring at it. I have been putting this off for a while now. I knew that sooner or later the day would come that I'd have to tell the Salvatore's. I just wanted to wait for the right time. But I was kidding myself, because it was never going to be the right time.

I moved on putting the last ten invitations into envelopes, and stacked them all neatly putting a ribbon around them. My eye caught the invitation made out to Stefan and knew without a doubt that the time was now. It was time to go back.

Go back to where it all began. It was time to face reality. I had to break the news to Stefan and Damon. I wasn't scared of the prospect of telling them. I was absolutely petrified! Not of telling Stefan. But telling Damon. I wasn't sure how he'd react to the news. It's been eight years since I last saw him. The memory of our encounter still burned into my mind. I took a deep breath, just the thought of it making my heartache.


	22. Chapter Twenty One

**Chapter Twenty-One**

_**Here We Go Again**_

_**"Oh, you can't hear me cry. See my dreams all die. From where you're standing on your own..." ~ Ben Cocks**_

_**"I've been treated so wrong. I've been treated so long. As if I'm becoming untouchable...Contempt loves the silence. It thrives in the dark. With fine winding tendrils that strangle the heart..." ~ Natalie Merchant**_

_**"Not ready to let go, 'cause then I'd never know. What I could be missing. But I'm missing way too much. So when do I give up what I've been wishing for..." ~ Jason Walker**_

_**"When the rain is blowing in your face, and the whole world is on your case, I could offer you a warm embrace...When the evening shadows and the stars appear, and there is no one there to dry your tears, I could hold you for a million years..." ~ Adele**_

**1987**

I ran into the house slamming the door shut behind me. I leaned against it, holding the door shut with my weight. Damon ran into the door, almost knocking me to the ground. I stood my ground, pushing harder to keep Damon outside.

"You can't keep running, Avalon," Damon sneered, throwing himself against the door. The door flew open throwing me across the room. I hit the coffee table on my way down, rolling onto my stomach, grabbing the wooden leg of the table. Damon launched himself at me, fangs bared. I thrust my arms up hitting Damon in the middle of the chest. The piece of wood missed his heart my a mere inch. Damon roared in pain stumbling back, sitting down on his knees his hands gripping the wood wedged in his chest. I got up and walked over to Damon. I gripped his shoulder, using my knee to slam the wood deeper into his chest. Damon cried out in pain sagging forward.

I wiped the blood from my lip, walking past him heading for the front door. Damon grabbed my arm, spun me around and threw me across the room. His chest was healing, but he wasn't as strong. I hit the wall and fell to the floor with an audible _thud_.

I got up my body straining against the beating it was taking. I was trained in combat but my skill was no match for Damon's strength. In a blink of an eye, Damon stood in front of me, wrapped his fingers around my neck and pushed me up against a wall.

He picked me up and threw me through the door that led to the kitchen.

I skid across the kitchen bench and hit the cupboard on the other side. I landed in a heap on the ground glasses and plates raining down on me. I covered my face, some of the glasses and plates cracking as they hit me, a piece of glass cutting my arm.

"That's enough," I said slowly getting up. Damon's beast was glaring at me, aroused by the smell of my blood. Damon snapped out of his trance, pulled the beast back and left without saying a word. I wasn't sure if he left because he didn't want to hurt me, or because he got what he wanted. I sat up hugging my knees to my chest and leaned back resting my back against the cupboards. My chest was heaving and my hands were shaking. Involuntary tears slipped down my cheeks, the cuts on my face stinging.

I heard footsteps approach, but was too tired to get up and investigate.

Instead I sat in the remains of my kitchen, staring at the mess around me.

Stefan walked in with a First Aid Kit ready to clean up the mess.

"You know what I see?" he said sitting down next to me. "What?" I asked.

"I see two broken people, looking for ways to hurt each other."

"Don't pretend like you know me, because you don't."

"He's not gonna stop until he kills you, Ava!"

"You think I don't know that! You think I enjoy this?"

"Could've fooled me."

"Well, I don't," I snapped glaring at Stefan.

"Then stop this," he pleaded.

"I don't know how? He won't stop."

"Then make him."

"How, Stefan?"

"I don't know"

"Exactly. So, don't get involved in matters that doesn't concern you."

"You're my family! So it does concern me."

"If you're only here to judge then leave."

"I'm not judging you."

"Well it sure as hell feels like it."

"Here." I handed Stefan the disinfection and cotton wool from the First Aid Kit, turning around slightly so Stefan could have a better view of my injuries.

He wet a piece of cotton wool with the disinfection, and started dabbing at the cut on my left cheek. It stung for a second, the pain quickly subsiding. Stefan cleaned the wound, moving on to the cut on my lip. "You shouldn't be the one cleaning up my mess," I spoke after a few minutes of silence. "I don't mind," he said throwing away the used cotton wool. Stefan wet another piece of cotton wool, cleaning the gash on my right arm. Stefan cleaned up the bloody cotton wool and put away the First-Aid Kit. He went to the freezer and got me a bag of peas.

"Put it on your eye," he instructed, handing me the bag. I took it, placing it against my swollen eye. The cold felt good against my hot skin. All this wasn't really needed as I was going to heal anyway. "He's gonna kill me isn't he?" I said, as Stefan sat down again. "I really hope not," Stefan answered. His tone told me that he was worried.

We lapsed into silence, both lost in our thoughts. I leaned against Stefan resting my head on his shoulder. He rested his head against mine and put his arm around my shoulders. We stayed like that for a long time, neither of us said anything. We just sat in each others' arms contemplating life. Here in Stefan's arms I felt safe. It was a different safe. I felt loved and protected, like nothing bad would ever happen to me. Stefan was my rock. The one person who picked up the pieces when I needed him to. Stefan took my hand in his free hand and squeezed it lightly. It was his way of saying that it will all be okay. I squeezed back letting him know that I was going to be okay.

I sat down next to Damon at the bar, ordering a scotch on the rocks. The bartender nodded, getting a glass and pouring the drink. Dread settled in the pit of my stomach, as I mentally prepared myself for what was to come. Damon asked me to meet him here and I knew what that meant. He thought that telling me in a public place that he was leaving would lessen the blow. It never does. It only hurt more.

Damon gulped down the rest of his drink, as we sat in silence. I waited for those two dreaded words. Sometimes Damon just left without so much as a word. And other times he would declare that he's leaving without any reasons or explanations. I should have been used to his departures by now, but I wasn't. I doubt I'd ever be.

"I have to go," Damon started, facing me. I looked straight ahead, sipping my drink.

"I hurt you, like he did. We're toxic together." I didn't say anything, because what was I supposed to say. I knew he was right, but I also knew that he would be back.

They always come back. I fought back the tears that threatened to spill down my cheeks. I didn't want to be weak in front of Damon. Those days were over. I simply nodded, and indicated for the bartender to pour me another drink. He came over and filled my glass. Damon got up, kissed the top of my head and left me with a room of strangers. He left taking yet another chunk of my heart and soul with him.

Yet again I was left behind with my broken heart and snippets of happier times. I closed my eyes and drank away the pain, as a heart-wrenching love ballad started playing in the background. A firm hand grasped my shoulder, a sympathy gesture.

I turned around, warmth slowly flowing through my ice cold veins. Stefan stood behind me and offered me his hand. On the floor were a few couples clinging to each other, moving to the beat of the ballad's melody. I took Stefan's hand letting him lead me to the middle of the room. There I fell into his arms slowly swaying to the rhythm of the song. Stefan's arms wrapped around me, and his cheek resting against my hair, took away some of the emptiness I felt. We swayed slowly, each second bringing me closer to tears. But I held them back, allowing Stefan to fill the void Damon left. Stefan knew how to keep me from self-destructing. With my head resting against his chest Stefan kissed the top of my head, lingering for an instant savoring the moment.

I closed my eyes and reached for his face, touching the palm of my hand against his cheek. "Thank you for catching me when I stumble and fall, I whispered.

"Anytime," he replied his cheek pressed against my hair, holding me tight.


	23. Chapter Twenty Two

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

_**Mystic Falls**_

"_**Well holy moly me oh my. You're the apple of my eye. Girl I've never loved one like you...Man o man you're my best friend. I scream it to the nothingness. There ain't nothing that I need..." ~ Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros**_

"_**There was a time that we'd stay up all night. Best friends, yeah talking 'til the daylight. Took the joys alongside the pain. With not much to lose but so much to gain..." ~ The Script**_

_**"Long lost words whisper slowly to me. Still can't find what keeps me here. When all this time I've been so hollow inside. I know you're still there..." ~ Evanescence **_

"_**You make me feel good, you make me feel safe, you know I wouldn't have it any other way..." ~ Jessie J**_

It was almost dawn, the sun on the brink of the horizon saying it's first hello to the world. I pulled into the driveway, turning off the engine, taking a moment to take it all in. Outside the house looked exactly like I remembered it. Even the town has hardly changed. It felt strange being back in Mystic Falls after so many years.

My heart started beating faster in my chest, anticipation growing in my stomach.

I mentally prepared myself to get out of the car, and walk the few feet to the front door. I got out of the rental car and hurried up to the front door, raising my hand and knocking three times. A few minutes later Stefan opened the door in all his handsome glory, greeting me with a warm smile. Joy washed over me at the sight of Stefan.

It's funny how much one person can change your whole mood.

"Ava?" he said, giving me a once over.

"Stefan!" I exclaimed, throwing myself in his arms, wrapping my arms around his neck. Stefan caught me, spinning me 360 degrees. I rested my head in the hollow of his neck, completely filled with delight. I've really missed Stefan.

We haven't seen or talk to each other in years.

"Oh my God!" I said when he put me down, taking his face into my hands.

Stefan smiled his handsome smile, his green eyes meeting mine.

"It's been too long," he said kissing my forehead. We separated, although I could have hugged Stefan forever. "What brings you to Mystic Falls?" he asked, taking my hands in his. "Can't a girl just pop by to say hello?"

"Not when you're that girl," he said, giving me another once over.

"What?" I asked unable to stop smiling.

"You look happy and healthy," he observed.

"That's why I'm here. But let's catch up first, okay."

"Okay," he agreed leading the way to the living room. We sat down on the sofa, facing each other. Stefan laughed and took my hand. "You look great," he said.

"I feel great," I quipped squeezing his hand.

"So, you're okay?" he asked squeezing back.

"I am. But enough about me! What's new with you?"

"I'm back at school."

"A girl?"

"How'd you know?"

"It's always about a girl," I laughed. Stefan and I started talking and laughing like we've been doing it every day. It was easy and incessant. Our voices travelled through the house and our laughs bounced off the walls. It felt like old times. An hour or so later Stefan brought the conversation back to why I was here.

"So what brings you to Mystic Falls?" he asked, seriously.

"Do I need a reason?"

"Yes," he answered simply.

"I'm getting married," I blurted unable to keep it to myself any longer.

"What?" he said not doing a very good job at hiding his surprise.

"I'm getting married," I said again, this time showing him my engagement ring.

"That's wonderful!"

"I want you to walk me down the aisle, Stefan."

He looked taken aback by the request. "Why me?"

"You're my closest and dearest friend, that's why."

"I'd be honored, you know that."

"Thank you! You don't know how much this means to me!" I squealed, throwing myself in his arms. Stefan hugged me, smiling into my neck.

"I love you, you know that."

"I love you too."

Stefan left for school assuring me that he'd be back as soon as he was done. I made myself at home on the sofa, in the living room, my feet tucked in underneath me. I had a glass of water in one hand and a magazine in the other. The sun shone brightly through the huge windows, offering a warm glow. I turned a page reading the latest celebrity gossip. I took a sip of water turning the page again. The front door opened and footsteps echoed in the hallway. I looked up, my eyes meeting icy blue ones.

Our eyes locked on each other, surprise written all over Damon's beautiful features. My heart rapped against my chest, the cracks left by Damon reappearing. I thought I was over this, over him. But seeing him brought back all the memories I was trying so hard to run and hide from. He still made my heart ache with longing and sadness.

Damon stood a few feet away just as beautiful and dangerous as I remembered.

I took a deep breath and gathered my thoughts. I was here to tell them that I was getting married. I didn't owe Damon anything, but I wanted him to hear it from me and not from someone else. "Ava," he said looking like he'd just seen a ghost.

"Damon," I greeted nonchalantly. Inside I felt anything but calm and collected.

Damon looked around searching for something. Something that could explain my presence I'd guess. Normally he comes to me. But I came to him. Something he obviously never would have thought happen. I wonder why?

I got up and gathered my magazine and handbag. "I think I'll go," I said.

"No!" Damon said hastily, then caught himself. "I mean, don't go because of me."

"No it's fine. Tell Stefan I'll talk to him later."

I left slowly and casually not giving Damon the satisfaction to see me anxious and a bit frightened. "Ava?" Damon said, stopping me in my tracks. "If you don't have a place to stay, you're more than welcome to stay here. We have plenty of room."

I turned around eyebrows raised. "Who are you and what have you done with Damon?" I asked, this nice side of Damon a bit unnerving. Damon laughed and shook his head. "I'm not completely heartless," he said seeming a bit more at ease.

"You could've fooled me," I said not at all impressed with his comment. Damon saw the anger in my eyes, and knew I wasn't ready to make light of the situation.

"I want you to stay, and I know Stefan would really enjoy it," Damon said sounding sincere. I gave him a once over, not sure if I should tempt fate. The vibe's coming from Damon told me that I was in no immediate danger. So, I decided to stay.

I had nowhere else to go and I was safest here, as weird as that sounded. Stefan and Damon were vampires and if The Assembly did decide to resurface this would be the best place to be. "My bags are in the car," I said indifferently, chucking Damon my keys and returning to the living room. Damon gave me a little smile and a nod, heading out to fetch my bags.


	24. Chapter Twenty Three

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

_**It's Just A Game**_

"_**It's a beautiful lie. It's the perfect denial. Such a beautiful lie to believe in..." ~ 30 Seconds to Mars**_

"_**You take the breath right out of me. You left a hole where my heart should be. You got to fight just to make it through, 'cause I will be the death of you..." ~ Breaking Benjamin**_

"_**No matter how we try, it's too much history. Too many bad notes playing in our symphony. So let it breathe, let it fly, let it go. Let it fall, let it crash, burn slow..." ~ Kanye West**_

_22 May 2002_

I tossed and turned in bed, not at all comfortable. My skin was inflamed annoying the crap out of me. It was going to be a while before the feeling of my blood sweltering would go away. It got really hot around me at times, so much so, that my skin would actually glow an orange, and my eyes would turn black. Like I was burning up from the inside. It was a side effect a Keeper suffered if the Blood Purification Ceremony was interrupted. Not that I wasn't grateful. If Damon hadn't showed up when he did I wouldn't be here. I rolled onto my back and gave an audible sigh.

The sheet and duvet scratched my skin, making it more irritable. I kicked off the duvet, and turned on my side. Not that it helped. I scratched my skin, regretting it the moment I did. Where my nails touched flesh it burned like fire. I sat up and screamed out of frustration. Good God! I stopped screaming my eyes spotting something in the corner. There in the dark was a silhouette standing by my dresser.

"Seriously?" I asked getting out of bed.

"You are quite entertaining to watch," Damon said stepping out of the shadow.

His features were outlined in the moonlight, and he looked as handsome as ever, still managing to take my breath away. "I'm glad I amuse you," I said running my hand through my hair. Damon chuckled, stepped closer and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into him. I was crushed against his body, my inflamed skin scratching against the fabric of my top. Damon tightened his grip, causing me to shift to get comfortable. I pushed my palms flat against his torso and stared up into his eyes. "You're hurting me," I said my skin literally burning under his touch.

Damon felt my skin heat up and loosened his grip. He stepped away, still holding on to me. He leaned his head forward, kissed my shoulder and trailed kisses down my arms. My blood heated for different reasons under his lips. My stomach fluttered and my heart hammered in my chest, as I stared down at him marveling at his beauty in the moonlight. Damon unwrapped his arms and held my hands in his.

He kissed my fingertips on each hand, holding my gaze with his. He trailed kisses up my left arm and stopped at my shoulder. I had closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of his lips against my skin. It was as if Damon had read my mind, and he blew cold air on my scorching flesh. Knowing Damon he was probably trying.

I tilted my head to the side to expose more skin. Damon restrained from biting me, instead just taking his time making me as comfortable as possible. I dug my nails into the flesh of his hands and curled my toes. Damon moved his lips across my collarbone, across my jaw, and behind my ear. He let go of my hands, and swept me into his arms, as gentle as he could manage. I wrapped my arms around his neck, threading my fingers through his hair. Every nerve in my body was alive and responding to Damon's touch. He laid me down on the bed, straddled me with his knees, and leaned down kissing me. I kissed him with the same intensity, letting go of any control I had. Damon ripped off the top I was wearing and threw it on the floor. My underwear followed landing in a heap on the floor next to my bed.

The hundredth item of clothing not withstanding Damon's force. Since I've met Damon I had lost some of my favorite garments. I have learned not to wear anything that was remotely expensive around Damon. I had forgotten all about the itchiness of my skin, and was more concerned with satisfying the yearning building inside me. Damon pulled away from the kiss, took off his shirt, and kissed me again devouring me. I ran my hands down his torso taking pleasure in feeling his muscles move under my palms. I unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, pushing it down with my hands, and then my feet. Damon kicked off his jeans and boxers, and pressed his naked body against mine. His hand ran down along my curves and rested on my thigh.

He lifted my leg, and I wrapped it around his back holding him against me.

We melted together, but it wasn't enough for me, I wanted more. I felt hollow inside, as if something was missing. Damon raised himself up using his arms pulling me with him. I loosened my leg and shifted to fit Damon between my legs.

Damon pulled away from the kiss and gave me a wicked smile. His eyes drowned me, and his smile made me tremble under him. I smiled back, my chest heaving, my whole body burning with desire. I felt Damon prickle against the barriers of my mind, trying to find an in. Maybe that was what was missing, I thought. We were both cut off from each, not truly committing. I felt Damon ready himself and snapped back to the present. Damon pushed inside me and I gasped. He didn't disappoint.

He met me halfway and didn't hold back. Amidst all the passion his beast emerged, and he lunged at my neck. His teeth pierced my skin and pain engulfed my body.

It wasn't feeding, it wasn't passion, it was murderous. Damon hadn't come to play.

He had come to kill. I felt him consume my blood, my body aware of the sting.

He sucked and didn't seem to have a wish to stop. "Damon," I said clawing at his arms. I started thrashing against him, but it was of no use. He had me pinned against the bed, I wasn't going anywhere. A panic attack was building inside me, rushing to the surface. He was hurting me, holding me down forcefully, violating me.

"Damon!" I shrieked when he extended his fangs deeper into my flesh.

My world became hazy, the edges of my vision getting darker. Unconsciousness wasn't too far away. I managed to land a punch in his gut and he buckled. I took his moment of distraction to knee him in the stomach. My knee was worse off than Damon, but it had distracted him. I scrambled out from under him, clutching my neck.

"Jesus Christ!" I yelled scampering off the bed. My feet got stuck on the duvet and I hit the floor, hard, face first. I heard a clear _crack_, and a second later insufferable pain shot through the right side of my face. I moaned and pushed myself off the floor using my arms. I knew I wouldn't get far, but I tried anyway. Fight or flight was what it came down to and I chose to flee. An unrealistic attempt but I had to try.

I hardly got a few feet before Damon had me in his grip. He grabbed me by the hair, and hauled me up. I started kicking and screaming, clawing at his hands. He threw me back on the bed so hard that I hit my head against the headboard of the bed.

"Damon! Don't!" I begged tears welling up behind my eyelids.

"We knew this day was coming," he sneered all humanity lost.

I stared into his dark lifeless eyes, amazed at how sudden his demeanor had changed.

One moment he was caring Damon, the next he was vicious Damon.

He had come here tonight to kill me, but not before he had his fun with me.

He positioned himself on top of me to stop me from pulling the same stunt as before.

Damon placed his hands at such angles as to snap my neck.

"Please," I begged trying to remind him that he didn't want to do this. Deep down Damon knew that this wasn't what he wanted. He saved me once, fought to keep me alive. Why would he want to kill me now? This was irrational, animalistic Damon doing the thinking. "Stop it!" he commanded, staring deep into my eyes. My vision blurred with tears, but I could still see him from the corner of my eye.

My body sensed death was coming and I started to prepare for it. I didn't want to die like this. I didn't want Damon to kill me. "I won't change," he sneered reading the thought on the fringe of my mind. "I am a monster."

"I never wanted you to change," I whispered tears running down my cheeks.

My heart was breaking and I admit it hurt. I couldn't imagine anything to be more painful than a broken heart. I once heard that people could die of a broken heart, heartbreak syndrome or something. Damon stared at my bleeding throat fighting with himself. "I fell in love with the monster inside you," I confessed seeing no need to hide it anymore. If he was going to kill me he needed to know the truth.

Damon didn't speak. He barely moved. I moved my neck slightly, meeting his gaze.

I lifted my arms and used my fingers to outline his facial features. I barely touched him, my fingers merely hovering. Damon closed his eyes for a second and I ran my fingers over his eyes. He opened his eyes and met my green ones. A sharp contrast. Green meeting black. Damon's eyes had softened and looked more humane, but there was still a haunted look behind those black pools. I wanted to take away all his pain, I wanted him to take away mine. Staring into his eyes I knew that would never happen. He didn't feel the same way. I truly loved all of him. I loved all Damon's qualities, even his desire to kill. It was who he was. That was what love was like.

You loved the other person unconditionally. You took the good with the bad. There was a reason wedding vows included 'through the good and the bad'..._No wait_, I thought. Those were lyrics to a song. I had to search my mind for the words. It came to me in a rush. 'For better, for worse,' those were the words.

"Damon," I whispered softly, holding his face between my hands. Trying to convey to him how I felt through my eyes. Damon shook his head and looked away.

He was heavy on top of me, my limbs starting to go numb. His nails dug into my skin, as he fought with his inner demons. He turned his head back and met my gaze, again

I saw the change in his eyes, and knew what was going to follow.

He vigorously twisted my neck to the side and ripped my skin with his teeth, creating a bigger gash. My blood drained fast. Unconsciousness grabbed me and pulled me under into its never-ending blackness. With the last bit of energy left I opened myself up to Damon. My mind, my body, and my soul. All my thoughts, emotions, memories were now his to do with what he pleased. Damon flew off me so fast he was a blur.

He cursed in agony his body overwhelmed by what had just happened. He left my room clutching his head. I laid there in my own blood, staring at the ceiling, my heart working overtime to keep my blood flowing, trying to heal my wounds. It was too much, my healing abilities wasn't up to it. I wondered if this was how it felt like to die of a gunshot wound or a stab wound. I saw it in the movies and had always wondered what it would be like. Whether or not there really was an afterlife when the time came to die. I suppose it depended on what religious view you had.

I was light-headed and my body was numb, the only sensation was the activity in my mind. My mind drifted and followed a new thread of thought. I closed my eyes and welcomed darkness. I laid in the dark wondering if I would have wanted a different outcome for my life. But the answer to that question couldn't have been simpler.

No. I had a hard life, but I wouldn't change it. I fell in love, I saw the world, and found friends. Maybe I didn't take the conventional route, but I got there in the end.

In my horrid state I realized that I was a fool to have thought that Damon could ever love me. I lived a delusional lie. A beautiful, but delusional lie. Damon cared about me, but not enough to stop himself from killing me. It was all just a game to him.

I was his puppet, only there for his entertainment. Disposable when he desired.

Damon couldn't love anyone, not for as long as he carried all that darkness within him. Oblivion gripped me and drew me under.


	25. Chapter Twenty Four

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

_**Maybe Another Time: **_

_**Venice Part 2**_

"_**What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way. What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you..." ~ Three Days Grace**_

"_**You trick your lovers. That you're wicked and divine. You may be a sinner. But your innocence is mine..." ~ Muse**_

_**"Tell me did you see her face. Tell me did you smell her taste. Tell me what's the difference. Don't they all just look the same inside?" ~ 30 Seconds to Mars**_

_Damon's Point of View_

_September 1904_

Five years, two weeks and five days ago, I watched her hurry out of her house, bag in hand, planning on leaving the place she called home for so many years. But she didn't leave me with nothing. She imprinted her taste and image into my body and mind, leaving me with the ever consuming desire and physical need. I travelled the world to find her, sometimes I did, other times she was one step ahead of me.

When I did find her she always managed to get away. If she had so much as a hint of my presence she disappeared into thin air, and I had to start afresh with my search. Every so often her thoughts would come to me, reminding me that she was out there. At other times her thoughts would alert me of her presence and I would find her sitting at a teashop, waiting at a bus stop, or walking down a crowded street.

For more than four years I followed her sure that I wanted to kill her, but when it came down to it I couldn't go through with it. So many times I had the opportunity then it dawned on me that she was immortal. Draining her blood wouldn't kill her.

But I questioned my reasons for not killing her. Killing came natural to me, it's who I was. I was a predator. A killer. My whole existence was about killing and creating terror. I stood outside her apartment window, just staring at her. She was beautiful even with her hair in a mess. She had recently changed her hair from her natural dark brown to a soft strawberry blonde. An attempt to hide her identity.

It worked, but she couldn't hide from me. Her blood drew me to her in a way I couldn't explain. I have killed many people, drank large amounts of blood, and yet her blood only grew in my system. Avalon turned on her side her back facing me.

I pushed through the barriers of her mind, showing her my image in a dark and deserted field, the moon highlighting my features, giving her the same vow I gave her five years ago. _I'll always find you_. I watched her twist and turn, a scream building inside her. Her fear was irresistible, but I controlled myself.

I watched as sweat formed on her skin, and listened to her heart racing.

In her dream I jumped at her ready to devour her. Avalon jumped out of bed screaming, fighting with her sheets. She covered her mouth with a shaky hand, running her other hand through her damp hair. She took a couple of deep breaths her whole body shaking. She got back in to bed and laid down staring at the window telling herself it was only a dream.

I stared at her as she slept quietly, watching her chest rise and fall with every breath she took. Watching her sleep was pleasing to the eye. She was a strikingly beautiful woman. Although I did prefer her dark brown hair. Her dark hair complemented her golden skin and green eyes. But in trying to disguise her appearance she had colored it. My eyes were drawn to the bite marks on her neck, shoulder and thigh that were still healing, I could still smell the dried blood that blocked the wounds.

The bruise my arm left on her stomach was a yellow discoloration, healing rather slow. Avalon, or Angelina as she is now called, turned on her side. The bruises on her thigh and back were slowly healing turning a greenish-blue. It was the drawback of drinking her blood. I ran my fingers along the bruises on her back. She shivered but didn't wake. I moved closer kissing the bite marks on her neck and shoulder.

The leftover blood on the wounds cleared and I licked at the fresh blood helping her healing along. Avalon stirred and opened her eyes. She turned onto her back looking groggy. She ran her fingers through her hair, only making it more untidy. I tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, giving her a smile. Avalon yawned covering her mouth with her hand. I could see the wheels turning in her head, wondering if what we did was such a good idea. Her fear was masked by her lust, but not enough that she let her guard down. I sat up and caged her in with my arms and legs, leaning forward kissing her naval. She ran her fingers through my hair, scraping her nails across my scalp, a rather intimate gesture. I worked my way up meeting her mouth.

The kiss was heated, her body responding in a way no other woman's had. She snapped out of the trance and pushed me away. "You need to go," she said climbing out from under me. I let her go, sitting back on my heels. She shook her head annoyed that I didn't get the hidden meaning behind her words. "You will bring them here," she explained wrapping her body in a sheet. I got off the bed moving closer to her. This could be fun. "No it won't be fun," she snapped glaring at me.

Right, I forgot about her ability to read and control minds. She never willingly read my mind too afraid that it would mean she could control me by using my thoughts.

I doubted that she could, I was too powerful for that to happen. I closed the distance between us and her heart skipped a beat. She inhaled sharply too aware of my body.

"I am going to regret this," she said throwing herself at me. I caught her and kissed her, tangling my hands in her hair and grabbing hold of her head to take control of the kiss. Avalon let me take control not really interested in doing any thinking.

Her mind was occupied by the image of us rolling around between the sheets panting and sweating.

After a day spent in her bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen, Avalon was exhausted.

She had fallen asleep not too long ago, her body sprouting new bruises and bite marks.

She was the first woman to let me drink her blood willingly. Well she was too caught up in the ecstasy to really pay any attention to my teeth puncturing her skin, and drinking her blood. It took her pleasure to new levels so she didn't complain.

Her hair was a halo of blonde locks around her head. I admired her peaceful expression, awed that she was so beautiful. Her skin glowed golden against the white sheets, and she looked like an angel. Avalon stirred and turned her face away from me, sighing in her sleep. I watched her sleep for a few moments, committing her image to my memory. I ran my fingers through her hair careful as not to wake her.

She needed the sleep, it would help her with her healing. I kissed her cheek, climbed out of bed, and left without looking back. I knew I'd eventually find her again. I always did.


	26. Chapter Twenty Five

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

_**You're What?!**_

_**"Some things you just can't fix, that's the way it gotta be. So I put the blame on you, then you bring it back on me..." ~ Anth**_

_**"How did we get here. When I used to know you so well? How did we get here? Well, I think I know..." ~ Paramore**_

_**"At the end of the world or the last thing I see. You are never coming home. Never coming home..." ~ My Chemical Romance**_

Ava and Stefan's been cooped up in Stefan's room for almost two hours, laughter and shrieks echoing through the house. As hard as I tried, I simply couldn't recall the last time I heard Ava genuinely laughing. Then again I haven't seen her in years.

It was killing me to admit, but being with Stefan was doing wonders for her mood.

Her whole vibe changed after Stefan got home. It's like she was a completely different person. It was sickening to listen to them talk and joke around, but at the same time listening to Ava laugh and sensing the joy that flowed through her made up for it.

I sat glued on the sofa in front of the fire-place, straining to hear their conversation.

Stefan was telling her a story that she found absolutely hilarious. She laughed a real belly laugh, that had the power to warm the coldest of hearts. The door bell rang, pulling me away from their conversation. I walked casually to the door, a drink in hand, like I had all the time in the world. I opened the door Elena standing on the porch. "And the fun just keeps on coming," I grunted rolling my eyes, downing the rest of my drink. It wasn't nearly strong enough for my liking. I turned my back on Elena and headed back to the living room. Elena used to my not-so-subtle rudeness, walked in and closed the door behind her. She followed me into the living room, her nosiness getting the better of her. "I thought you'd be out catching up with Ava," Elena said. "I don't know what Stefan told you, but I'm not Ava's favorite person at the moment," I informed her gulping down a glass of whiskey.

Another thunderous laugh echoed through the house, only a whisper of it reaching Elena's human ears. She turned her head in the general direction.

"How long have they been in there?" she asked, her attention averted.

"Jealous?" I asked, unable to stop myself from giving her a mischievous smile.

"No," she answered a bit too hastily. I smiled, enjoying the fact that she felt threatened by Ava's presence. "Are you sure?"

"They're just friends," she said shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

I could see the doubt in her eyes. "You've got nothing to worry about," I reassured her, losing interest in playing the game. "How long have they known each other?" she asked. I shrugged not too sure. When exactly did Stefan and Ava meet?

All I knew was that when I found her again in 1984 she mentioned she and Stefan had been in contact. "Years," I replied. I wasn't lying. Elena gave me a don't-lie-to-me look, a hint of worry still hiding behind her eyes.

"Ava loves Stefan like a brother, I promise."

"It's what they all say," she responded. She turned her gaze in the general direction of Stefan's room again. "Elena, trust me. You have nothing to worry about."

"Okay," she said tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"So what's the story?" She sat down, tucking her feet in underneath her, settling in.

I eyed her from across the room, not really interested in telling her more about my past. She already knew way too much for my liking.

"If I knew I'd be up there sharing in the love."

"So why aren't you?"

"Because I did what I always do, I ruined her life."

Elena looked at me, surprised that I would so openly admit to something.

I have to agree, it was not like me to be so honest about how I feel.

"She seems very happy, and considering the reason she's here I don't think you ruined her life too much." It was my turn to be surprised. Why did I feel like there was something I was missing? "What do you mean?" I knew there was something else that brought Ava here. I just couldn't put my finger on it. I found her, not the other way around. Besides I thought I'd never see her again, not after the 2002 incident.

"You don't know?" she asked a bit surprised.

"Know what Elena?" I asked taking a step towards her, anger building inside me.

"If she hasn't told you then it's not my place," Elena said dropping her gaze, suddenly more interested in her fingernails. "Elena, what aren't they telling me?" I was really mad now, my beast pushing to be let free. Elena saw the change in my demeanor and ran her hands through her hair. "She's getting married," she blurted out.

That did it. I saw red. "You. Should. Go," I bit out, my beast surfacing.

Un-Elena-like, Elena got up and left without so much as a word. I heard the front door click shut, and rushed upstairs. I burst through Stefan's bedroom door in an uncontrollable rage. "You're getting married?" I bellowed.

Ava, who'd jumped off the bed with my entrance, took a couple of steps back.

I saw in her eyes the menacing look in my eyes, but I didn't care. She was marrying some stranger. Ava regained her composure and stuck her chin in the air.

"Yes I am," she said effortlessly. Her words chilled me to the bone. Not wanting to hurt Ava, I grabbed Stefan around the neck, pinning him to the wall.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Damon!" Ava screamed, running towards us. She clawed at my arm, trying to pry my hands from Stefan's throat. I glared at her my anger consuming me.

I saw the terror in her eyes and dropped my brother. I rushed out the room and went back to the living room. Needing to release my anger I started throwing and breaking stuff. I emptied the bookcase in one angry sweep, letting out a cry of fury.

"Damon!" Ava's voice carried, from somewhere behind me.

I turned around coming face to face with her. Stefan stood close by, ready to jump into action if I so much as thought about hurting her. I looked down at Ava, her beautiful features obscured by concern. I shook my head and the beast retreated, as the anger subsided. "Who is he?" I asked, turning away. I couldn't stand looking at her.

I heard Stefan leave the room, giving us a little bit of privacy.

"He's human. A mortal," she whispered. I spun around losing the little control I had.

Ava jumped and took a couple of steps back. She was terrified of me, even though she was trying to pretend that she wasn't. "Human!" I bellowed. I could handle pretty much any other being, just not a _human_ being. "Damon, don't," she said, dropping her gaze. I took a deep, calming, breath and took a step away from her. I poured myself another drink, gulping it down. "Do you love him?" I asked. I knew the answer, but I wanted to hear it from her. I needed to hear it from her.

"Yes," she answered without skipping a beat. I threw the glass into the fireplace and rushed from the house. I needed to get away from her before I lost my cool and hurt her again.


	27. Chapter Twenty Six

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

_**Leaving**_

_**"Come to me now and lay your hands over me. Even if it's a lie say it will be alright, and I shall believe..." ~ Sheryl Crow**_

_**"If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy I could have won. But I gave you all. Close my eyes for a while. Force from the world a patient smile..." ~ Mumford & Sons**_

_**"As reason clouds my eyes, with splendor fading. Illusions of the sunlight, and a reflection of a lie, will keep me waiting. With love gone, for so long..." ~ Trading Yesterday**_

_24 May 2002_

I gasped and sat up straight. My head was throbbing, my vision blurry, and my heart thumping loudly in my ears. I laid back listening to the beat of my heart.

It was loud and rapid, pumping blood to where it was needed. I literally felt exhausted, like I had just gotten back from running a marathon. A marathon that I was not quite ready to run. My mind was foggy, but memories pushed to the surface, fighting to be seen first. I couldn't quite grasp hold of any one particular memory. They were all hazy and scrambled. One memory was constant and kept playing over and over again.

It took a few moments for my brain to put the pieces together, and even then it wasn't clear. Blood. And a lot of it. The image danced behind my closed eyelids, red and ominous. My hand moved with much effort to my neck, my fingers touching soft fabric. It felt familiar. I traced the edges of the fabric where it began and where it ended, opening my eyes slowly. I closed them again immediately.

It was way too bright, my head throbbing way too much. I felt uncomfortable.

I felt stuck in my own body, like I wasn't supposed to be here. My heartbeat slowed down and my breathing returned to normal. I wriggled my fingers and toes, feeling returning to my limbs, pins and needles prickling under my skin. Even with my eyes closed the sun shone too bright for my comfort. It was piercingly bright.

Nothing should be that bright. I rolled on my side and pulled the duvet over my head to block out the sun. One memory sprang to the front and I sat up again fighting to keep my eyes open. They burned and tears slipped down my cheeks. I blinked rapidly for a few minutes, my eyes adjusting to the light. I kept rubbing them trying to get rid of the irritation. I looked around me expecting to find blood everywhere.

I felt my neck again and the memory fell into place. My eyes travelled down and my hands ran over satin. I was dressed in a pair of black satin pajamas. A black satin singlet with lace around the bodice, and black satin shorts. I couldn't remember getting dressed. My last memory was of me lying naked in a pool of my own blood.

I looked around me again. There were no traces of blood and I was dressed. It was only a dream. It had to be a dream. Then I remembered the band-aid on my neck.

I crawled to the edge of the bed and climbed off. Well, it was more like falling off the bed. I stumbled to the full length mirror in the corner, and studied my reflection.

My legs were still engulfed in tiny little prickles, and it was painful to stay on them.

I was very pale, my veins dark under my skin. There was no hint of gold in my skin.

I was pasty, too pasty. I had no glow. For the first time in nearly a hundred years I had no shine in me. Nothing to remind me of who I had once been. I felt sick.

I rushed to the bathroom, falling down on my hands and knees in front of the toilet, emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet bowl. I got up, using my hands to push myself up. My legs were shaky and I grabbed onto the wall for support. It took me a few seconds to regain my composure. I went over to the sink, opening the tap.

I grabbed my toothbrush from the drawer, and toothpaste, brushing my teeth.

I rinsed my mouth and splashed water over my face, looking at my reflection in the mirror and zoning in on my neck. The left side of my neck was covered with a massive white band-aid, a touch of blood near the surface, which meant I was still slightly bleeding. The only blood on me was the blood under the band-aid, the rest of my body clean. That explained the sleeping wear and the band-aid. For the life of me I couldn't remember taking a shower, getting dressed, or changing my sheets.

I leaned closer to the mirror and had a better look at my wound. Standing so close to the mirror I saw how hollow my eyes were, and how frail my body was.

I almost died, again. I just couldn't die. The question that confused me was why I wasn't dead. It was obvious that I should have been. I had lost all my blood, and after the Purification Ceremony my body wouldn't have been strong enough to heal.

I had died. Or at least I thought I had. I was really confused. My stomach turned, and I made a dash for the toilet. It all felt wrong. My body didn't feel like my own. It felt like something tried to get out. I hugged the toilet for a long time. After what felt like an eternity I collapsed on the ground, exhausted and weak. Maybe I had died and this is what hell was like. A sudden feeling of great loss and despair descended upon me, weighing me down. A lump the size of a tennis ball formed in my throat, and tears streamed down my face. I wasn't really sure why exactly I was crying.

I moved to the bathtub and sat down, covering my face with my hands. I cried like I had never cried before. Violent sobs echoed in the confined space of the bathroom. The anguish I felt was overwhelming and confusing. Why was it that I felt so lonely, so betrayed? There was nothing worse than not remembering something that left you broken. My stomach turned and I dove for the toilet, making it just in time.

I threw up blood, my whole body shaking. Cold shivers ran through my body. I got up wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. I looked at my trembling hands the same feeling of not belonging overwhelming me. Something had gone wrong when I healed. I wasn't meant to be alive. The doorbell rang and pulled me out of my pity party and back to the reality. _How long was I out for this time?_, I thought wiping my eyes and nose with a piece of toilet paper. I ran my hands through my hair, making myself presentable. It was kind of useless seeing as I looked like shit. There's only so much you can do when you look like death warmed over. Which, come to think of it, was a pretty good way of explaining how I was feeling. I revised the story I was going to tell to whoever it was at the door. I had no proper story for the wound on my neck.

What did that, except a Vampire. The story I was going to tell had to sound like it was believable. _Whatever_, I thought. I wasn't in the mood to keep up with a conversation anyway. I was just going to lie my way through this, with what I was given.

I didn't like using my mind ability on humans, but I don't know how else to get them to leave, without sounding like I belonged in the nut house. I had difficulty walking down the stairs, feeling really tired. I tripped and fell a couple of times. My energy was down and I wanted to go back upstairs and crawl back into bed. The last piece of the puzzle locked into place and everything became clear. _Vampire!_

The next thought that slammed into my head knocked the breathe out of me. _Damon_. The realization that Damon had tried to kill me made me sit down where I was on the stairs. His name drifted in the walls of my skull heavy and piercing. Damon had tried to kill me. Again. I took a few deep breaths fighting off a panic attack.

My palms were sweaty and I couldn't breathe. I looked around bewildered the continuous ring of the doorbell making the panic attack worse. I gasped for breathe the walls closing in around me, trapping me. But it explained the despair I felt.

The feeling of betrayal. My feelings were overwhelming drowning me in their heaviness, the blackness a gaping hole. The door swung open, an anxious Stefan standing in the doorway. "Ava!" Stefan called his voice thick with worry.

I shook my head unable to form coherent words. Stefan rushed into the house, slamming the door shut behind him. He hurried to my side. Well, flew could be a better word to describe it. I hugged my knees to my chest, and buried my face between my knees. Stefan rubbed my back with one hand and rested the other on my arm.

He eased me through the panic attack. "I'm tired, Stefan," I said not meeting his all too knowing gaze. He knew what had happened. Of course. The story of my life. Someone always knew what was going on with me. God, I was tired of everyone always knowing my business. I just wanted privacy and peace for one day.

Was that too much to ask for? "Ava," his voice was all too sympathetic.

It bugged the crap out of me because it brought on a fresh set of tears. I turned away ashamed that I was crying. I shouldn't be crying. I was stupid for falling in love with a monster. I knew who and what Damon was and I still fell for him.

I fell in love with him even though I knew what he was capable of. I just thought that if I could love him he could love me. I was so bloody naïve. Stefan touched my shoulder and I crumbled. I hid my face against the opposite wall and sobbed. Heart-wrenching sobs that reverberated off the walls. "You really love him don't you," Stefan soothed turning me around, hugging me. The walls closed in on me and I needed space. A lot of it. I never thought that I would ever feel Claustrophobic, but I guess there was a first time for everything. I pushed away from Stefan and jumped up, scampering down the stairs. I clutched the back of the couch, closing my eyes, trying to keep my breathing regulated. Stefan moved behind me quietly, as not to spook me.

"Ava." Stefan tried to keep the judgment from his voice but couldn't quite pull it off.

He was patronizing, standing tall and staring at my back. I shook my head, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. I got up from the floor and let go of the couch, balancing myself on my feet. My knees wobbled and I fell, my body too weak to support itself. Stefan caught me before I could hit the floor.

My stomach turned and I pushed away running for the downstairs toilet. More blood came out and I felt faint. Blackness enveloped me and I embraced it.

I woke up a few hours later shivering, covered in sweat. I clutched at the blanket feeling like I was in a freezer, but my body was burning up from the inside. I looked up just as Stefan placed a wet hand towel on my forehead.

"What happened?" I asked trying to sit up. Stefan pushed me back down giving me a chastising look. I laid down again and closed my eyes. My stomach turned and Stefan pushed a bucket in front of me. I threw up and laid back again.

"You just need to rest," he said taking the bucket away.

"I feel like I'm dying," I moaned as I clutched the duvet against my chest.

"You're not dying," Stefan laughed rinsing the bucket.

"How do you know?" I asked looking at the door he disappeared through. "You're not even a doctor." Stefan reappeared with the bucket and a wet hand towel.

"No, but you are," he said sitting down by my feet. "Do you think you're dying?"

I lifted my head and looked at him. "Yes."

Stefan laughed and shook his head. "You're not dying."

"That's your opinion," I said laying my head down.

"Just go to sleep," he said getting up.

"Bring me another blanket," I ordered.

"That I can do," he replied.

Two days later I still felt pretty crap, but my fever subsided and I was finally able to keep down my food. I got out of bed and pulled on a pair of pajama shorts. I went to the bathroom, emptied my bladder, flushed and washed my hands.

I headed downstairs, and went to the kitchen to get myself something to drink. On the fridge was a note. _Gone to get some milk, be back soon. Stefan. _I removed the note and chucked it in the bin. Stefan's been great the last couple of days.

He took care of me when I needed it the most. It's been a long time since someone took the time to take care of me. I poured myself a glass of OJ and sat down.

I slowly drank the OJ, staring out the window. My only view was of the apartment in the neighboring building, but the guy was exercising without his shirt. The front door opened and I got up heading to the living room. I walked in expecting to find Stefan, and stopped in my tracks. By the door stood Damon, looking tired and a little scruffy. I took a step back every fiber in my body telling me to run.

"Came to finish the job?" I said forcing myself to sound normal.

I didn't want Damon to know how much he hurt me. Damon shook his head, our eyes locking. "I'm not here to hurt you, Avalon."

"Then why are you here?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"You should have told me that you loved me before last night," Damon said angrily.

"Would it have mattered?"

"Probably not." That hurt more than the physical pain Damon's put me through. We looked at each other in silence, every second reminding me that Damon would never love me. I've fought for so long, and it was all for nothing.

"Does it make a difference now?" I asked, clinging to the last bit of hope that Damon might love me. "It changes everything!" he bellowed. He took away the last bit of hope I had left. "You're going to tell me that you leaving is what's best for me."

"I'm protecting you from who I am," Damon replied.

"Don't you dare try and sell me that Hollywood bullshit!" I snapped. "I tell you I love you and you do what you do best."

"What's that?" Damon interrupted.  
"You disappear!" I said throwing up my arms.

"I can't give you a normal live, Ava. With me you will never be able to have children, settle down and have a family," Damon snapped, sounding pained.

He stared at me with his saddened eyes, wanting to give me so much, but believing he wasn't able to. What Damon refused to believe was that I loved him and that none of those things he had listed mattered to me. I shook my head rolling my eyes.

Men could be so stubborn and idiotic sometimes. "All I want is you. I don't care about settling down and starting a family. Maybe that mattered to me a hundred years ago, but not anymore."

"I'm not what you want."

"Just stop! If you want to leave then just leave already!"

"I don't know what you want from me, Ava!" Damon pleaded. I rolled my eyes and turned around, leaving the room. I stopped by door and turned back.

"I want you to love _me_!" I said on the verge of tears."But I see now that you never will." I took a deep breath, refusing to cry. "Not until you forgive me and yourself for what I'd cost you and Katherine."  
"You killed her!" Damon screamed, his anger getting the best of him.

"I know!" I said, dropping my gaze. Yes I did. I was the one who leaked that there were vampires. And I was the one that suggested they burn down the church with all the vampires in it. I signed Katherine's death warrant.

"Maybe you're right," I finally said, looking up. "Maybe you leaving is for the best."

"I could never love you!" It felt like Damon stuck a knife in my heart, and he was having fun twisting it around. I got what I wanted. The painful truth.

"You don't know what love is Damon!" I screamed, hurt by what he'd just said. "Maybe you did love Kath—" I didn't get to finish my sentence, because Damon had me pinned against the wall, his nails digging into my flesh. You would think that by now I would have seen it coming, expecting Damon to try and rip my throat out.

But no, it always took me a moment to process it. Damon sneered, his thoughts making it clear that he was angry. He didn't like it when someone mentioned Katherine's name, especially not me. Hearing Katherine's name coming from my lips infuriated him. "Don't _ever_ mention her name again!" he breathed his eyes menacing. I glared back tired of Damon always hurting me, thinking that I didn't mind, but I did.

Every time he left me, I had to take time to heal physically and emotionally.

Damon had left me empty and broken one too many times, and I had had enough. I wasn't going to take his threats, his abuse, or any of his shit anymore.

"Katherine," I spat testing Damon's patience. Death didn't scare me anymore.

"You're no better than me," Damon said lifting me off the floor his fingers still wrapped around my throat. I glowered at him, his features changing, letting me know his beast was in control. It didn't faze me and I nodded with a smile.

"This is all you," I accused. I pushed past the boundaries he put around his thoughts.

I contemplated pulling rank and control Damon, tired of always being considered weak. After the other night all it would take was one command. But I could never bring myself to do it. I could never do that to another person, even if he was technically dead. Damon sneered and dropped me. My already tender body hit the floor and I couldn't stop the gasp escaping my lips. The air I sucked in expanded my lungs, and my chest ached. "It's so easy for you," I choked out getting to my feet.

It was a slow painful process, but I got up in the end. "You show up and change my whole world, then just leave. You never consider anyone but yourself!"

Damon couldn't look at me. There was regret in his eyes, and something else. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I sighed and gave up.

"I'm done. Close the door when you leave." I said turning away from Damon. I left the room without so much as a second glance. There comes a time when you realize that the fight for love wasn't worth it. I came to that realization today, and it broke my heart. I waited until I was safely locked in my bedroom before I let my tears flow freely.

I sat down on the window sill and put my feet up against the wall, squeezing myself into the small space of the window. I stared out of the window at the little kids playing in the yard next door. I heard Stefan rummage through the cupboards in the kitchen looking for who knows what. I leaned back resting my head against the wall.

"Where the hell is the coffee?" he said slamming a door shut.

"I bought a new pack yesterday," I said. "It should be behind the sugar."

"Ah ha!" he said excitedly. I heard the kettle go off and water being poured. A few minutes later Stefan returned to the living room, carrying two cups of coffee.

"Here," Stefan said handing me a cup. I took it from him and took a swig.

Stefan leaned against the wall, staring out of the window.

"It's been a month, Ava," he said taking a sip of his coffee.

"I know," I replied avoiding eye contact.

"He's not coming back."

"I know, Stefan."

"Then let's get out of here," he suggested. I was aware that he was looking directly at me waiting for a response. I looked at him, forcing a smile.

"Where will we go?" I asked.

Stefan seemed to believe the smile and gave me one of his best grins.

"Let's go to Florida, spend some time on the beach sipping on girly cocktails."

"Sounds great," I said taking his hand in mine, squeezing it.

"We'll go the day after tomorrow," he said eagerly.

"Day after tomorrow," I reassured giving him my most convincing smile.

I looked at Stefan my heart breaking for what I was going to do. Stefan was right, I needed to get away. But I couldn't with him. It was time I disappeared. I was hoping Damon would come back, but he wasn't and it was time I accepted it.

Around midnight when I was sure Stefan was fast asleep, I got up and got dressed.

I packed what I needed and left a note for Stefan. In the note I explained why I needed to be alone and that I really appreciated everything he'd done for me.

I also left instructions of what he could do with the apartment and everything in it.

I didn't like doing this, especially not after everything Stefan's done for me. But this was what was best. Not just for me but for him too. One day he'll understand why I had to do this, I just hope he'd forgive me. I went into Stefan's room, kissed him lightly on the head and left the note on his bedside table.

"I love you," I whispered as I left. That was true. I loved Stefan like a brother. He was my better part. I left the apartment in the dead of the night, vowing to never be found again. I was going to disappear for good.


	28. Chapter Twenty Seven

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

_**Wild Horses**_

_**"Wild horses couldn't drag me away. Wild, wild horses, couldn't drag me away..." ~ The Rolling Stones**_

_**"No longer the lost. No longer the same..." ~ Breaking Benjamin**_

_**"Childhood living is easy to do. The things you wanted I bought them for you. Graceless lady you know who I am..." ~ The Rolling Stones**_

Unable to sleep I wandered through the house, tip-toeing around, playing a game of silent exploring. It's difficult to be quiet when you're the one with average hearing.

For so long I was the one with sensitive hearing that now, being in a house with supernatural beings, felt a bit strange. I kept listening for Abel's breathing, just to be reminded that he wasn't here. Distracted I bumped my toe on a table in the corridor.

Cursing, very silently, I sat down rubbing my toes. It throbbed, my toes numbed by the pain. Houses that are passed down through generations have ancient furniture, furniture made from thicker and richer wood, that's really tough on toes, and anything else you might bump against it. These houses become works of art, thousands of stories and secrets were soft whispers in the corridors. I pulled my legs up, hugging my knees to my chest with my right arm, rubbing my injured toe with my left hand.

I looked around my position quite relaxing. In the complete darkness, no light kind of way. It was the early morning hours, and I simply could not get myself to fall asleep. No surprise really. I tried every trick in the book. From counting sheep, to relaxing my body, to emptying my head from all thoughts. Nothing worked, it hardly ever does.

I missed Abel, and to my absolute revelation, Jax. It was soothing to know that being away from them did indeed bother me. I was relieved if I'm completely honest.

I was back in the heart of where most my pain and heartache came from, and it terrified me that I could, at any moment, lose myself in the temptation of it all.

I came here to tell them I'm getting married, and I've done that. In all honesty I should leave. Staying here was only going to result in opening old wounds, and bringing to life old memories. But I couldn't. I wanted to spend time with Stefan, and believe it or not I wanted to make sure that Damon didn't do anything stupid. It's a well-known fact that Damon did stupid things when he was mad, and sometimes he goes beyond stupid and does something reckless and destructive. And I needed to be here for that.

I wasn't going to let him spoil this for me, and if I had to babysit him for a couple of weeks then that's what I'll do. I got up from the floor, the pain subsiding.

I walked to the living room and poured myself a drink. A glass of whiskey would sure take the edge off. "If you want to sneak around, you might want to keep down the noise," Stefan said sitting down beside me. I swirled the liquid in the glass, taking another sip. "I live with humans," I answered with a smile, handing Stefan the glass of whiskey. Stefan took a sip and I stood up walking over to the radio.

I switched it on, turning the volume down. A song came on and turned to Stefan, smiling. "Do you remember this?" I asked.

"I would never forget that summer," he replied with a grin. "It was just you and me against the world," I said sitting down again. I crossed my legs and hummed to the song. Stefan laughed. "You know all the words, don't you?" he asked.

"Don't tell me you don't," I mocked.

"I do," he said taking another sip. We laughed breaking out in chorus.

"And you shook me all night long. Yeah you shook me all night long..."

We stopped and lapsed into silence, as the song neared the end.

"So much has changed," Stefan reminisced putting down the glass.

"It took some time, but I got there in the end." Stefan gave me a serious look in the dark, his face wearing a pained look. "I should have been there. I knew the state of mind he was in." I reached out touching his hand, giving it a slight squeeze.

"I've never blamed anyone but Damon," I reassured him. "And besides you were there when I needed you." He squeezed my hand back, meeting my eyes. It was amazing how much more in tuned I was with my feelings as well as Stefan's, and how much I relied on my other senses to guide the way I think and feel. Humans rely too much on light, not taking advantage of what darkness has to offer.

"Then why is it that I'm the one who feels guilty?"

I laughed softly, turning my body towards Stefan and crossing my legs.

"Because you've been revisiting your human self."

I came back from my trip to the Supermarket putting my shopping bags with groceries on the counter in the kitchen. Sure Stefan and Damon could consume human food, they just didn't bother to stock the fridge. Not that I blame them. Why would you want to eat a sandwich if you could have a glass or two of yummy warm blood.

It's almost like eating a carrot instead of a block of chocolate. That's why I thought that I'd stock the fridge and cupboards. Although I haven't met Stefan's girlfriend yet I'm sure she'd appreciate to find some food with substance in the kitchen.

I unpacked the groceries and I couldn't help but wonder why I haven't been introduced to the girlfriend yet. What was Stefan hiding. Or maybe he hasn't had the chance to introduce me yet. I packed away a carton of milk when Stefan walked in.

"I see someone hasn't changed," Stefan said taking a seat at the counter, picking up the chocolate bar I left on the counter top.

"Why haven't I met Elena?" I asked not bothering with small talk.

I went over and leaned against the counter resting my elbows on the top, folding my hands. "She can't be hideous," I went on, giving Stefan my what-are-you-hiding look.

It wasn't that different to my what-have-you-done look. But Stefan understood and nodded. "It's complicated," he started opening the chocolate bar.

"Hey," I said taking it from him. "I have all the time in the world." I gave him a piece of chocolate, and took a piece for myself.

"Well, where do I start?" he pondered taking a bite of chocolate.

"Why not just tell me why you're hiding her from me," I said eating another piece.

Stefan shifted in his seat avoiding my gaze. "Spit it out, Stefan," I pushed sensing that he needed an extra push. "She's the Petrova doppelganger," he said still not meeting my gaze. "The Petrova doppelganger? Right. Okay. I can handle that," I said eating another piece of chocolate. It was my turn to avoid Stefan's gaze.

I turned around trying to find something I could busy myself with. Stefan who knew my tell tale signs, knew that I was hiding something and was on it immediately.

"What is it Ava?" he asked trying to get my attention. " I shook my head. "Nothing," I said still avoiding him. "Ava," he said getting up.

"Okay, fine." I turned around and took a deep breath. "My father's last order to me was that the Petrova doppelganger was to not make it to her eighteen birthday," I paused to take a breath. "So fifteen years ago I came to Mystic Falls to kill her. But I couldn't go through with it." Stefan looked at me like I was some stranger.

"You were going to kill her?" he said in disbelief.

"Yes, but I didn't!"

"Ava!"

"My father didn't tell me why. He just said that I needed to take care of the situation."

"I don't understand -"

"Neither do I so I didn't go through with it," I said cutting him off.

Stefan took a deep breath and smiled. It was his way to let me know that the crisis was averted and that there'll be no fight. "Do I need to worry that you're gonna kill my girlfriend now, because I'd really like you to meet her," he joked.

"I promise not to harm a hair on her head," I said with a chuckle.


	29. Chapter Twenty Eight

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

_**Over and Over**_

_**"I feel it every day it's all the same. It brings me down but I'm the one to blame. I've tried everything to get away. So here I go again chasing you down again. Why do I do this? Over and over, over and over I fall for you. Over and over, over and over I try not to..." ~ Three Days Grace**_

"_**I can feel you ripping and tearing. Feeding and growing inside of me. I want this, more than you know I need this, give it back to me" ~ Disturbed**_

"_**Kiss me, ki-ki-kiss me. Infect me with your love and fill me with your poison...**_ _**Your kiss is cosmic, every move is magic..." ~ Katy Perry**_

_December 2001_

Blood trickled down my leg mixing with the water drops and soap, turning a light red almost pinkish color. The sting of the cut wore off leaving the little cut my razor made, as I shaved my leg. I took a hand full of water wiping away the blood.

I focused on healing the tiny cut. Slowly my skin smoothened, leaving no hint of a scar. It was hardly any work. I just wish my heart was that easy to heal. Too many cracks and not enough glue to hold it together. I looked at the razor wondering if I could cut away the constant heartache. I tore my razor apart, cutting the tips of my fingers in the process. I barely felt the pain of the cuts, using the blade to create more cuts down the front of my leg. I started with small cuts totally immersed by my own blood. But it wasn't satisfying enough. I started making deeper cuts.

Tears slipped down my already wet cheeks, the water turning pink around me.

I just wanted it all to stop. The constant ache, the voices, the _feelings_. I made a bone deep cut, blood spilling into the bathtub. I dropped the blade running my fingers along my bloody leg, marveling at how easily I numbed the pain. Blood rushed to the surface of the wounds not clotting. I closed my eyes, laid back in the tub, and concentrated on healing the cuts one at a time. I felt light-headed welcoming the feeling. The last cut took a bit longer to fully heal and drained most of my energy.

I must have fallen asleep in the bathtub, because when I rejoined the living, I was yanked out of the bathtub, water splashing everywhere, voices ringing in my ears.

Warmth spread through my torso, my limbs still cold.

I came to my mind a bit hazy, the room spinning. I felt confused and out of it, feeling utterly exhausted. The voice got louder and more urgent, as pressure was applied to my cheeks, my head shaking. "Hey!" someone called, trying to get my attention.

The room came into focus, a worried face looming in front of my eyes.

My first instinct was to flee. I scrambled backwards on my hands bumping my head against the bathtub. I was trapped with nowhere to go. I panicked and struggled to get to my feet. I clutched my arm around my soaking body, holding onto the bathtub for support. I stared into the blue eyes that has haunted me for so many nights.

I stopped what I was doing breathing a silent sigh of relief. At first I was relieved, but then I felt really confused. Questions I had no answers to forming in my mind.

Firstly, why was he here, and how did he get in? I mean, I locked the house. I was sure I did. And secondly, why the hell was he back? I thought he had left.

Totally aware of my surroundings, I wrapped the towel around my body taking in the rest of the scene. The floor was wet around us, Damon drenched in water, and the water in the bathtub stained red with my blood. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, shaking my head. Damon didn't speak still trying to find the source of the blood. "What are you doing here?" I asked still a bit dazed and confused.

I looked around expecting to find answers somewhere in the room. There of course was none. "What the hell were you thinking?" Damon asked, picking me up and wrapping me in a towel. I let Damon usher me from the bathroom and into the room.

I got my answer on how he got in. Both the room door and the bathroom door was kicked in. I was guided to the bed and I sat down.

"You scared the shit out of me," he said drying me off. I snapped out of my trance and swatted his hands away. "I am fully capable of doing it myself," I said.

"What was that?" Damon asked stepping away.

"What was what?' I got up and went over to my closet pulling out underwear and one of Damon's T-Shirts he purposely left behind. "Nothing," I said getting dressed. Damon has seen me naked enough times that I didn't need to hide anything.

"That was not nothing!" Damon sounded worried and irritated. "I could smell the blood from the first floor." I turned around pulling on the cardigan. "What are you doing here?" I asked, my hands on my hips. "I thought you said that you're leaving."

"I decided to stay for a little longer."

"Not done playing with your food?"

"What you're tired already?"

"I'm not doing this again, Damon."

"C'mon Ava, you enjoy this game we're playing."

"Not this time you got what you wanted. So leave."

"Leave? Just when we were starting to have some fun."

I stepped right up to him, stood on the tip of my toes and whispered in his ears.

"Why not show me what you mean?" I could feel Damon smile, turned on by the scent of my blood. He grabbed my face, squeezing my cheeks between his fingers, his mouth crashing down on mine. Just as the kiss got heated he pulled away.

"You drive me crazy," he breathed. I took a step back, smiled and left the room. Damon followed me, grabbed my arm and spun me around. Our lips met again this time with more hunger and yearning. I pushed Damon against the wall kissing back.

A couple of moments later I felt Damon's beast emerge and I detached myself from Damon, smirking. "Is this all you've got?" I said my voice raspy. I turned around and walked to the living room, swaying my hips. Damon came up behind me, wrapped his arm around my waist, and pulled my hair away from my neck with his free hand.

He kissed my neck, scraping his teeth slightly against my skin. I closed my eyes enjoying the shockwaves he sent through me. Damon smashed me against the wall, his beast glaring at me from across the room. I raised an eyebrow and smiled wickedly at him, not at all fazed with the violence. Damon moved towards me in a flash, grabbing me by the hair, devouring my lips with his. I met his kiss with equal voracity, my body burning for satisfaction from the yearning that was rising to dangerous levels.

When the kiss got too heated I pushed Damon away with as much force as I could manage, which proved to be a lot when Damon least expected it.

He stumbled backwards and I took the chance to push him over the back of the sofa. He landed on his back staring up at me with hunger gleaming in his eyes.

It excited me more to see him so hungry for me. It felt magical when we touched, everything else just low hums of movement. I straddled him, taking his hands and putting them on my thighs. Damon took it as a sign to explore the rest of me with his fingers. Fire followed the trails of his touch setting me ablaze with lust.

I moaned and leaned forward kissing him with a desire that was driving me mad. Damon's fingers moved further down my thighs and touched the seam of my lace underwear. I smiled into the kiss and pulled Damon's hands out from under the shirt. The teasing was part of the foreplay, building on the excitement his violence caused.

I got off of Damon my breathing husky, my chest heaving, and my blood smoldering under my skin. Damon, tired of playing, got up behind me and pushed me against the wall pressing himself against my back. He grabbed my hips, dug his nails into my flesh, and pulled me tighter against him. With a skilful movement he ripped my underwear and delved his fingers into the very core of my irrational ache.

A scream managed to slip from my lips, as I threw my head back, my body succumbing to Damon's expert touch. Damon's other hand made its way to my breast and pulled me closer to him. We were pressed against each other so tightly I could feel his muscles move underneath the layer of clothing.

"God, I've missed this," he breathed into my neck, his nose pressed against the flesh. He inhaled and my legs shook, excitement building inside me to uncontrollable measures. "Then what are you waiting for?" I asked my voice shaky, anticipation growing. Damon's smirk was unmistakable when he kissed my neck. He spun me around, grabbed hold of my ass and lifted me up, scraping my back against the wall. Damon pushed inside me and I dug my nails into his back, every fiber in my body coming alive. He pulled out, flung me over the couch, gripping my hips thrusting inside me again. I held onto the fabric of the couch, screaming Damon's name.

His fingers tangled in my hair, pulling my head back, his teeth sinking into my flesh.

I screamed pushed over the edge, bright white sparks going off in front of my eyes. The whole world faded out in the moment, my only focus the earth shattering climax that vibrated through me. Damon turned me around again, kissing me with his blood stained lips.


	30. Chapter Twenty Nine

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

_**Enough**_

_**"It's been a while since the two of us talked...Knowing things would never be the same. With your empty heart and mine full of pain. So explain to me, how it came to this. Take it back to the night we kissed..." ~ The Script**_

_**"Now there's gravel in our voices, glass is shattered from the fight. In this tug of war, you'll always win even when I'm right...with violent words and empty threats, and it's sick that all these battles **__**are what keeps me satisfied..." ~ Rihanna**_

_**"...and the games you play. You would always win, always win. But I set fire to the rain, watched it pour as I touched your face. Well, it burned while I cried. 'Cause I heard it screaming out your name..." ~ Adele**_

I've been tossing and turning for the last few hours. I finally gave up and got up. I've been here a week and Damon hasn't said a word to me. He was out by the time I got up and didn't come home until I was in bed. I heard him leave and come back, but haven't had the courage to talk to him. We were avoiding each other, which never bodes well for us. By avoiding each other we were keeping our feelings bottled up and then when our feelings finally do come out it's bloody and violent.

I started pacing the room, which was quite spacious and gave me enough space to do some serious pacing. In the room was a double-bed, a dresser and a very old wooden chest. I stopped sitting down on the wooden chest. It was hard being back in Mystic Falls. I didn't think it would play with my emotions as much as it has. Being back has caused some deep feelings to emerge. Dark, dangerous, cutting emotions.

I got back into bed giving sleep another shot. Sleep didn't come and I just laid in bed staring at the ceiling. I saw the sun come up and heard the front door open and close.

I got out of bed and left my room. Damon was gone, Stefan would be getting ready for school so the coast was clear. I walked to the kitchen switching on the coffee maker.

I made myself a cup of coffee and some toast, sitting down to eat breakfast.

I finished breakfast and cleaned up the mess I made. Footsteps in the living room pulled me from my thoughts and towards the living room. I walked in and stopped. Damon sat on the sofa gulping down a glass of whiskey. I could smell it from where I was standing. Damon saw me, got up and poured himself another drink.

He raised his glass to me and gulped it down. I stood my ground. It was now or never. Sooner or later we were going to have to talk with each other. And now was as good a time as any. Damon put on some music and turned the volume up. Music blared from the speakers, filling the house with a loud melody. He turned around facing me, swaying slightly with the beat. It was a slow song, one that tore through your emotions and cut through your soul. Damon smiled at me from the across the room, obviously drunker than he thought he was. "I know you love this guy," he said walking towards me. He held his hand out, offering me a dance. I looked at him a bit confused.

"No," I said shaking my head. "C'mon Ava," he pushed. I looked up at him wondering what he was playing at. He gave me I-won't-take-no-for-an-answer look, sticking out his arm further. I sighed giving in. "Fine." I put my hand in his, his fingers wrapping around my wrist. He pulled me to towards him and guided me to the middle of the room. He put his arm around my waist and held my hand in the other.

He squeezed our hands against his chest, as we swayed in beat with the song.

The song neared its end, another echoing from the speakers. Damon stared into my eyes, as we moved from one foot to the next rocking side to side. We looked at each other as if it were going to be the last time. If I was going to marry Jax and give up my immortality then this was going to be the last time I saw Damon. If I can't heal anymore then I can't be around the supernatural world. No matter how hard that's going to be. I memorized every feature on Damon's face and he did the same.

Damon tightened his arm around my waist, pulling me against him, with nothing but fabric separating us. The song reached the bridge and tore through my soul like a razor. I closed my eyes and leaned against Damon's chest.

"Tell me about this guy you're marrying," Damon said. I looked up meeting Damon's curious gaze. "His name is Jackson Teller and he's a mechanic." There was so much more than that, but I couldn't tell Damon. He'd just get angry again.

Damon stepped away from me, his face twisted with disgust and anger.

"No!" he snapped grabbing hold of my shoulders. "You can't marry him."

I frowned, confused. "What?" It was the first word that slipped from my mouth. Not very dignified, but it would have to do.

"After the incident-"

"After you tried to kill me," I corrected.

Damon swallowed, and tried again. "After I attacked you I thought you'd run to that friend of yours, so I went to Charming and I met this Jackson. He's not just a mechanic is he?" Damon asked. I stared at him not sure whether to be furious or curious.

I snapped out of my confused trance, shaking my head. "It's none of your business, Damon." He glared at me his blue eyes ice-cold, almost menacing.

I stepped away from him, my own anger getting the better of me. Years of pent-up anger was threatening to erupt like a volcano.

"You will _not _marry him, Ava," Damon said fiercely.

I glared up at him. I should've known that this was too good to be true.

"Damon don't make this harder than it already is," I said as calmly as possible.

"You'll never be happy. Not with some mortal," Damon said angrily.

I took another step backwards and shook my head.

"I don't understand what you want from me?" I said unable to stop the hurt surfacing.

"I want you to stop pretending that you're human."

"Who I am and who I marry has nothing to do with you. You made your choice when you left eight years ago," I said irritably. "And now I made mine."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," I said hastily, realizing that I didn't want Damon to know that I intended to revoke my Keeper status. I didn't want to tell him that in six and a half months time I would be just as mortal as Jax. Maybe even weaker because of the Hemophilia.

If Damon knew I wanted to become fully human he would be furious.

"Ava!" Damon bellowed. I jumped but noticed that he was really trying to control his anger and keep his beast under control. But I knew, I knew it was only a matter of time that he'd snap and we'll turn our verbal quarrel into a full-blown physical assault.

"Again it's none of your business. Not anymore," I said standing my ground.

"Tell me what you're planning?" Damon insisted grabbing my wrist. There was so much force in his grip that a bruise instantly sprouted under his hand.

"I'm giving up my immortality," I said yanking my hand from his tight grasp.

Damon lost it. His beast surfaced all sanity gone. His first reaction was to grab me around the shoulders and shake me. I would have preferred that, but instead the force he used had me fly backwards through the air heading straight for a wall.

I reacted quickly and managed to turn my body in time to use my feet to push myself from the wall and land gracefully on the floor. I got up and pushed my hair out of my face, giving Damon a cunning smile. "Is that the best you've got?"

Damon didn't like it one bit. He charged across the room, attempting to grab me around the neck. I anticipated his move and ducked, managing to give him a blow to the chest with my knee. My knee was worse off than Damon, but it still knocked the wind out of him. Not that it stopped him. It only made him more furious.

He grabbed me before I could duck and threw me across the room, rushing forward to drive me to the floor. I hit a table and it snapped and broke in half with the force my body hit it. Damon turned me over and sat on top of me, strangling me. I clawed at his hands fighting to get free. Scratching and clawing didn't do anything, so I hit him.

I hit him as hard as I could, hoping that it will make him buckle and give me a chance to throw him off me. It worked and Damon fell off, me saving me from having to fight to get him off. I grabbed a piece of wood and drove it into his back.

I made sure to miss his heart, but I also made sure it was deep enough to cause him some serious discomfort. I stood up, pushing my hair out of my face and wiping the blood from my brow. "If you ever try to kill me again, I will kill you," I said turning around and leaving Damon with the mess.


	31. Chapter Thirty

**Chapter Thirty**

_**They Came In The Middle Of The Night**_

_**Part One**_

_**"A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect. Every action in this world will bear a consequence. **__**If you wade around forever you will surely drown. I see what's going down..." ~ Red Jumpsuit Apparatus**_

_**"I'm not afraid of fading. I stand alone. Feeling your sting down inside me. I'm not dying for it. **__**I stand alone. Everything that I believe is fading..." ~ Godsmack**_

_**"How long can you stand the pain? How long will you hide your face? How long will you be afraid..." ~ Red**_

_19 May 2002_

I heard the knocks on the door and stumbled out of bed, rubbing my eyes. It was so early it was still dark outside, most people fast asleep. I slipped on my slippers heading downstairs to open the door, when it was kicked open flying across the room. Splinters flew through the room and dust settled on the carpet and furniture.

Five men burst into my house looking rather satisfied with their find.

I stared at them shocked and scared. I knew who they were without having to ask why they came. I was shocked that they thought it necessary to kick down my door. It wasn't really necessary to break the door I would have unlocked it for them.

But nonetheless they did. The excitement on their faces was overwhelming. And it scared me. How could a group of people be so happy to find a single female?

I mean, I had been on the run for several decades, but there was really no need to be that happy. The leader of the group gave me a sadistic smile, and walked across the room towards me. I stumbled over the table, and fell face first on the floor.

The group descended on me, grabbing my arms, legs, and hair.

My will to live took over and I struggled to get away. I kicked and screamed, not wanting to face a certain death. "Stop it!" the leader ordered, slamming my face into the door frame. I shrieked in pain black dots obscuring my vision.

"God, women are so dramatic," one of my captors said, pulling a little too hard on my hair. They threw me in the back of a black minivan, and I hit a few limbs on my way in. Two of my captors got in the back with me, both wearing identical sneers. The one on my left, Idiot One, was quite tall and bulky. The other, Idiot Two, was slightly shorter, but with much more brawn than brains. They both had blonde hair, and looked an awful lot like each other, they could be related. I didn't say anything, just sat up and wiped my hair out my face. "There was no need to use force," I said shaking my head, and watching the other three get into the van.

"We've wasted a lot of time searching for you," the leader said starting the engine. "Too much time," another sneered glaring at me. I looked away and crossed my legs. I needed a plan to escape. I wouldn't make it out of the "meeting" alive.

I knew what The Assembly had planned. They were going to strip me of my powers and my immortality. They wanted to make me pay for killing Vincent and running away all those years ago. In their eyes I was a traitor.

I chose the supernatural beings over my own race. I was to be made an example of to anyone else who wanted to question The Assembly's ruling. The Assembly didn't take kindly to anyone who dared challenge their decision-making.

"You should've left when you still had the chance," Idiot One said.

"Where's the fun in that," I replied with a sweet innocent smile. Inside I wasn't as calm. I was freaking out. I wasn't ready to be Purified.

We reached the Head Quarters of operation-find-Avalon-and-Purify-her, and Idiot One and Two pulled me out of the van. They were not gentle and took joy in manhandling me. I guess it was their way of punishing me for making them waste so much time looking for me. "I'm a lady, that used to count for something," I said after I tripped and fell face first in the dirt. Idiot One hauled me up by the hair not caring about hurting me. "Not when you betray your race," Idiot One snapped, pushing me forward. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

It wasn't worth trying to correct them. They were too stupid to understand anyway. I was taken to an abandoned warehouse not too far from where they parked the minivan. Idiot Two shut the door behind us and rejoined the group leading me to the middle of the warehouse. There The Assembly gathered around a round table candles already lit. It shouldn't have been such a surprise to see The Assembly already prepared for business. They were nothing but meticulous.

The five Assembly members waited for us to reach them, all looking bored. It was like they've done it many times before, it wouldn't have stunned me if they had. This Assembly was known for their brutality. They weren't merciful.

Fear was starting to build in the pit of my stomach, and my hands started shaking. "It's fantastic to see you again Avalon. It's been too long," Tobias, Vincent's nephew and the new Leader, greeted his eyes an unnatural yellow.

"Wish I could say the same," I retorted keeping my voice steady. I wanted them to think getting Purified didn't scare me. I was going to show them why I was once known as the Brave Girl. "Just as feisty as ever I see," Tobias said his smile immaculate. There was nothing more unnerving than Tobias's perfect smile, and calm composure. "Can we get this over with," Sophia said impatiently. After all these years she still managed to have an aversion towards me.

"Nice to see you too, Sophia," I greeted with my own uncanny smile.

"You carry your years well." That caused her to almost explode with anger. Everyone knew Sophia had a rare disease. A disease that only happened in unfortunate circumstances, to unlucky souls in the Keeper race. The disease ate the carrier's youth so to speak. Carrying the disease is a lifetime sentence for a Keeper. Because the Keeper wasn't dying just aging. Which meant that while the rest of the race stayed the same age forever, the Keepers with the disease didn't. They aged.

It was mean of me to throw Sophia's illness back in her face, but they were going to _Purify_ me. An act not known for its thrilling perks. "Get her on the table," Sophia ordered not meeting my gaze. "Now wait a second," I said stalling.

My captors grabbed me by the limbs and carried me to the table. I kicked and protested. Okay I'd admit I was scared. No, I was terrified. I didn't want my blood to be boiled. Who would want that? It was a horrible thing to go through.

My captors placed me on the table, and tied me to it with magical rope.

"Can we at least talk about this?" I pleaded. I wasn't against begging if it was going to safe me from going through excruciating pain. "I want to get home," Sophia snapped spreading her hands, palms upwards. She was ready to get started. The rest of The Assembly followed her lead, turning their hands, palms facing upwards.

I closed my eyes dread settling in my stomach. This was it.

Everything I was running from for so long had finally caught up with me and there was nothing I could do.


	32. Chapter Thirty One

**Chapter Thirty-One**

_**Toxic**_

"_**Take a look at my body. Look at my hands. There's so much here. That I don't understand. I've been treated so wrong. I've been treated so long. As if I'm becoming untouchable..." ~ Natalie Merchant**_

"_**I've been fighting through the stress, tryna get if off my chest. But I guess, you're the only who truly knows me best. And we fighting every other day, but now it's nothing new. It's another typical day of the life of me and you. Some things you just can't fix, that's the way it gotta be. So I put the blame on you, then you bring it back on me..." ~ Anth**_

"_**And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again...So if you love me, let me go. And run away before I know. My heart is just too dark to care. I can't destroy what isn't there..." ~ Slipknot**_

I sat in front of the mirror in my room, opening the First-Aid Kit I carried with me, and started cleaning my wounds. If today showed me anything it was that Damon and I were toxic together. We had too much anger in us, and it caused so much pain and destruction. Being here in Mystic Falls just showed that.

"I'm sorry," Damon said walking into the room, regret in his voice.

I ignored him cleaning the gash on my face. A bone deep cut marking the right side of my face, the only reminder of the what had just happened. If I had been a mere mortal I would not be sitting here, patching up my face and body.

The wounds were slowly healing, every moment awfully painful. I finished cleaning the wound and turned around facing Damon. He held out an ice pack for me, his eyes clouded with resentment. Not towards me, but towards himself.

Again showing why it would never work between us. We were both too angry at the world, to ever fully deal with our issues. I took the ice pack from him and put it against my eye, the cut throbbing under the coldness of the ice.

"I promised myself that I'd never hurt you again," he looked down, too ashamed to look at me. "I don't know what came over me."

"What do you want from me, Damon?" I was so tired of always fighting. I don't know why I thought this would be easy. Because I didn't count on Damon being around, that's why. "Nothing, because there's nothing left is there?" he asked meeting my gaze. I saw the pain it caused him to say those words. But I couldn't let that pull me in again. If I was going to truly move on with my life then I had to say goodbye to my past. That included Damon. "If you had just loved me when you had the chance," I stopped. I couldn't finish the sentence the fantasy to painful. "It's time to go our separate ways."

"Why now?" he asked taking a step towards me, his hand reaching to touch my face.

"Because that's what you wanted wasn't it?" I said taking a step backwards. I didn't want Damon to touch me, because my body would only betray me.

"I almost killed you! I did what I thought best for you."

"No!" I said loudly. "You did what was best for you."

"He's going to kill you!" Damon almost yelled. He caught himself and took a deep breath. "This relationship is going to cost you your life. Can't you see that?"

I laughed. That's rich coming from him. If we continue on this path of destruction then we'll be the death of each other. "I don't have to listen to this." I turned around and left the room. I had to put some distance between us.

"I refuse to stand by and watch you get yourself killed," Damon called after me.

I stopped and spun around. "Why do you care?" I asked, furious.

"You should've thought of that before you pushed me away!"

"I was wrong. I see that now."

"This is so typical of you!" I snapped, using my hands for emphasis. "You tell me you care and expect everything to be fine! But it's not!"

"I'm trying."

"It's too late. I had to learn to live without you because that's what _you_ decided. So, don't you dare start making demands! You don't get to do that anymore."  
"I refuse to sit back and see you lose your life because you're on some kind of suicide path." Damon glared at me his beast threatening to join the argument.

"I moved on, Damon!"

"No you latched on to the first person who could give you a family."

"Oh my god! You didn't want me, remember! You were the one who pushed _me_ away." I couldn't believe Damon. I thought he'd be happy, because he'd finally be rid of me. "I am marrying Jax, and there is nothing you can do about it," I said leaving.

"In the end Ava you will always return to what you know," Damon said matter-of-factly. I stopped in my tracks, again, turning around facing Damon.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"Just that when you tire of pretending to be human, you will come back to the one place you know you belong."

"I don't belong here. I don't belong with _you_!"

"Why do you think you came here, Ava? You know that your home is with me."

"I came here to ask Stefan to walk me down the aisle."

"Then why are you still here?" he asked smugly.

"I. Love. Him." I said spelling out each word. Damon lost the fight with his beast and it surfaced. I took a step back, but Damon was on me before I could run. He had me pinned against the wall, his arm pressed against my throat.

"Do not make me turn you," he threatened.

I didn't flinch. I stared Damon in the eye, challenging him. Damon realized what he was doing and dropped me. I got up and handed Damon the ice pack.

Before I could say anything in response to his threat Stefan came rushing in.

Stefan saw the gash on my face and he lost it. His beast emerged and he leaped through the air tackling Damon to the ground. He pinned Damon down, using both hands to strangle him. Damon didn't fight back, just laid there under Stefan's body weight. "You promised you'd never hurt her again," he said through clenched teeth.

"Tell him what you're planning," Damon merely said, looking at me.

Stefan turned his head towards me, "tell me what?"

"Don't drag him in to this," I warned.

"Are you going to tell him Ava, or am I?" Damon asked.

"Damon, don't."

"He's got a right to know."

"Tell me what?" Stefan repeated.

I swallowed and met his gaze. Damon was right. Stefan had a right to know what I was planning. He was like a brother to me, so it wasn't fair to not tell him.

"When I marry Jax I'm giving up my immortality."

That sobered Stefan and his beast retreated leaving my friend behind. He got up his eyes clouded with shock and horror. "Your immortality is the only thing that is keeping you safe," he noted. "If you give that up you'll be-"

He couldn't finish his sentence, so Damon did instead. "She'll be vulnerable."


	33. Chapter Thirty Two

**Chapter Thirty-Two**

_**They Came In The Middle Of The Night**_

_**Part Two**_

_**"You could be my someone, you could be my scene. You know that I'll protect you from all of the obscene. I wonder what you're doing, imagine where you are. There's oceans in between us but that's not very far..." ~ Puddle of Mudd**_

_**"I won't suffer, be broken, get tired, or wasted. Surrender to nothing, or give up what I started and stopped it, from end to beginning..." ~ 30 Seconds to Mars**_

_**"Safe from pain and truth and choice and other poison devils. See, they don't give a fuck about you, like I do..." ~ A Perfect Circle**_

_19 May 2002_

I didn't know why, but I found myself standing outside Ava's apartment building. I watched as five men carried her out. She was kicking and screaming, fighting to get free of their grasps. But they held on. They threw her into the back of a black minivan, the same minivan that had been following her around the last week.

I watched them drive off and without thinking I hurried to my car, and followed them. I didn't know why seeing her in their hands made me angry, or why I even cared that they had taken her. This was so unlike me to care for anyone that was not well..._me_. Her blood ran deep in my veins, and I knew I couldn't just stand by and let her get hurt. The minivan took a sharp turn right, and I followed making sure I kept a good distance between my car and the minivan. Inside the minivan Ava was trying not to panic. Her voice was calm, but inside she was screaming for help.

I couldn't help but smile. She was just trying to be brave in the face of danger. Something I admired in her. The minivan was slowing down considerably and finally came to a stop. I pulled over, got out of my car and sneaked closer. I stood behind a tree watching them yank her out of the back of the minivan.

They were hurting her on purpose, making her pay for years of running after her. Ava didn't show that it bothered her, but I knew it did. She tripped and fell. I almost left my hiding spot and ran up to her. They did that on purpose.

"I'm a lady, that used to count for something," Ava said. One of the guys yanked her up by her hair not caring that he was hurting her. "Not when you betray your race," the tall one retorted. I listened to her heart rate speed up and felt her fear.

It made me want to feed. Well it made me want to attack. Fear was very compelling. Ava with her back to me and her fear so overpowering, had me fight the urge to jump her and drink her blood. Her very tasty blood. Her captors escorted her into the abandoned warehouse. I listened as they exchanged unfriendly words. Ava wasn't going down without at least trying to get out of whatever they had planned for her. I wasn't sure if Ava was exaggerating about the Purification of Blood Ceremony, or if she was really speaking the truth.

Well I was going to find out. I felt her fear rise to even greater levels, and could sense from her that she was preparing for something big. An ear-splitting scream echoed through the sky, and rang in my head. Ava's pain and terror was deafening. I could feel her emotions vibrate beneath my skin, her thoughts clouding my own. Another scream pierced the quietness and my body shook with fury.

I could hardly control my need to attack. Ava's cries of agony was thunderous, and I stopped trying to control my need. I've never not given in to my want for chaos and destruction. So, why was I now? I barged into the warehouse, my animalistic behavior taking over. I was literally seeing red. I tore through the room killing the men that got in my way. Ava gave another bloodcurdling scream, and the need to protect her was irresistible. Chaos erupted with my sudden entrance. I had killed all Ava's captors, and was moving closer to free Ava. I paused when I got closer.

Ava was lying on a round table, strapped down and candles flickering around her.

I have seen a lot of brutality in my many years roaming the earth, but this was different. Ava's skin was pale, her veins glowing under her skin. Tears streamed down her face, shining in the light. The drops fell onto the table with a distinctive _plop_. I couldn't help but stare as Ava's blood glowed in her veins, heat radiating off her. I couldn't believe that the Purification of Blood Ceremony was real.

Ava squirmed, her blood literally boiling in her veins. I could hear ever blood bubble that burst in her body. It was one of the most grotesque things I had ever seen. Rage blinded me and I grabbed the closest person to me, ripping his throat out, tasting his blood. His blood was almost just as sweet as Ava's. The remaining four snapped out of their concentration hazes and realized the immediate danger. They tried to speed up the process, and Ava's cries became louder and more persistent. I pulled the ropes that tied her down loose and pulled Ava into my arms. She was limp and her heart rate had slowed down significantly.

I held Ava against my chest and ran. I wasn't too worried that they'd catch up, they'd be too busy trying to figure out what exactly had happened. Once I cleared the warehouse, I headed to my car and placed Ava gently on the backseat. I jumped in behind the steering wheel and sped off, driving back to Glenview.

Maybe taking Ava back to Glenview wasn't the best idea, but I could protect her there. And although I hate to admit it but Stefan was there too. My brother refused to drink human blood, and was a lot weaker than I was, but he was capable of fighting humans when it came down to it. Ava stirred in the backseat, moaning.

She turned on her side and cried out in pain. I drove into town a few minutes later, listening to Ava's groans. I slammed on the brakes in front of her apartment, and jumped out of the car. Stefan sensed the emergency and appeared next to me.

"What happened?" he asked watching me pick Ava up from the backseat.

She gasped and turned her body away from me, shrieking. I realized too late that to Ava her skin felt like it was on flames. Stefan followed me and opened the door for me, as I carried Ava into the building, up the stairs and to her apartment.

I placed her carefully on her bed, wishing I could take her pain away.

"What did you do Damon?" Stefan asked pulling me out of Ava's head.

I looked up and glared at Stefan. Sometimes my brother could be so stupid.

"This was not my doing," I snapped hurrying into the bathroom, and back with a wet towel. "Then what the hell happened?"

"That blood purification thing is true," I said dabbing Ava's forehead with the wet towel. She squirmed, but didn't make too much of a fuss. Stefan didn't say anything. He just stared at Ava shock written all over his face. "She said it was brutal, and she wasn't kidding," I said getting up. I was showing too much compassion. I moved away from the bed, not meeting Stefan's questioning gaze.

I went back to the bathroom to wet the towel again, when Ava gasped and her heart stopped beating. I shot back into the room and was back at her side in less than a second. I had no idea how to handle this. I created death, I didn't try to prevent it. What will happen if I give her my blood? No that would only make it worse. For the first time in a very, very long time I felt panicked, and I didn't like the feeling one bit. It was not who I was. I didn't panic, ever.

"Ava," I said pulling her into my arms. I shook her slightly, trying to get her to wake up. I thought draining her blood didn't kill her. I've tried that ninety-five-years ago. She was still here. Very slowly her heart started beating again.

It was so soft I thought I was mistaken. But a few seconds later there was a definite heartbeat. I laid her back down and rested my face on her abdomen.

I couldn't believe how much the thought of her dying shocked me. Maybe it was because of her blood coursing through my veins, or maybe...No. It was impossible. Did I actually still care for her?


	34. Chapter Thirty Three

**Chapter Thirty-Three**

_**Are You Kidding Me?**_

"_**Don't walk away, don't walk away, oh, when the world is burning. Don't walk away, don't walk away, oh, when the heart is yearning..." ~ Poets of the Fall**_

"_**Everything will slip away. Shattered pieces will remain. When memories fade into emptiness. Only time will tell its tale. If it all has been in vain. I can't feel my senses. I just feel the cold..." ~ Within Temptation**_

"_**You always made sure, I'll never fall in love again. You're the pieces to my puzzle, you complete me so it seems. It was never my intention to smother you in my needs. The moral of the story, is I hope you understand. There' ain't another man that will love you like I can" ~ Anth**_

I packed my bag, stuffing all my dirty and clean clothes in to the bag, and zipped it shut. Neither Stefan nor Damon were talking to me. Stefan was mad at me, because I didn't confide in him the full extent of what my marriage to Jax would entail. And Damon was pretty pissed off because I was marrying Jax, period.

"So, you're planning on leaving in the middle of the night?" Damon asked leaning against the door frame. "Without so much as a goodbye?"

"I have a flight back home first thing tomorrow morning," I said putting the bag down on the floor. "It's clear that I should've never come back."

"It means a lot to my brother that you want him to give you away at your wedding."

"But you're both mad, because I'm deciding to become human."

"Stefan's not mad, he's just upset."

"And you?"

"I'm absolutely furious," Damon said with a hint of a smile. "But, you're right. I have no right to dictate your life anymore. Not that I ever had."

I stared at Damon, speechless. I had no idea who this person was. Who he was. Which I guess is how he's feeling. A lot has changed. We both have. I mean, I'm willing to give up my immortality for a mortal being, and Damon seems more humane and he's getting _along_ with his brother. Well, sort of.

"I was going to say goodbye," I said still a little loss for words. "You bet your tiny little Keeper ass you will," he said jokingly.

I laughed unable to help myself. Our eyes locked and that same chemistry, the same desire passed through me. The sound of the front door opening and footsteps echoing through the house, pulled us out of our trance.

We both tore our gazes from each other and followed the footsteps.

"Stefan?" I called Damon following me.

"In here," Stefan called his voice coming from the living room.

We walked into the room finding Stefan pouring himself a drink. He was tense, his shoulders rigid. He gulped down the glass of whiskey and poured himself another.

"Stefan?" I asked, waiting, no dreading the worse.

"Werewolves," he said more to himself than anyone else in the room.

"Werewolves?" Damon said, doubt in his voice.

They both turned to look at me, questions in their eyes.

"What?" I asked. "Don't look at me. I don't know what they want."

Damon and Stefan exchanged worried looks. The idea of werewolves surprised them. Interesting. Of course they thought they were the only supernatural beings that existed. Typical vampires. Think they're the all knowing and powerful species. "So they're real?" Stefan blurted. "Yes," I said. "I thought you knew."

The front door opened and we all listened to the footsteps rushing towards the living room. "Did you tell them?" a girl asked from the hallway. It took a couple of seconds before she walked in. She walked into the living room and I gasped.

She looked just like Katherine. My mind told me that it was the Petrova doppelganger, but the fear I felt was as real as the Katherine look alike standing in front of me. She smiled, oblivious to my reaction, sticking out her hand.

"Hi, you must be Ava? I'm Elena," she greeted. I pulled myself together and shook her hand. "Hey," I said forcing a smile. Luckily for me I've had years of perfecting my fake smile, and Elena seemed happy enough. I stepped back and turned my attention back to Stefan and Damon. Both were mesmerized by Elena.

Damon looked at her the way he used to look at Katherine, pure love behind his haunted gaze. I watched in sorrow at the love that radiated off Damon. All for Elena. It knocked the wind out of me, my heart throbbing in my chest.

I know it was irrational, and that I was meant to be moving on but it hurt and I needed to get out. I couldn't handle it. "Unbelievable," I said shaking my head. I left the room literally feeling claustrophobic and nauseas. "I need some air," I said to no one in particular. I hurried out of the house, forcing myself to walk and not run. I wanted nothing more than to bolt out of the house, and never set foot in Mystic Falls again. Elena walks in and it's obvious that she had captivated both Stefan and Damon's heart. It just really pissed me off that after a few months in _her_ presence Damon fell in love. He truly loved her!

After spending almost a century in my company sharing my bed and consuming my blood, Damon still couldn't bring himself to love me the way he loved Katherine and now Elena. I don't even know why it bothered me now.

I was engaged, and had a family in Charming. I shouldn't even care.

Wasn't I the one yesterday that made it clear that there was no future for me and Damon together. So, why was I so upset over the fact that Damon fell in love with a mortal girl. Who was I kidding? I couldn't stop loving Damon even when he left me for dead. So, how was I meant to stop myself from still loving him now?

I have to leave. I have to quit letting myself be pulled in by him. I just have to admit that Damon would never love me the way I deserve to be loved. He might regret what he's done eight years ago, but he was right. He could never love me.

I slammed the front door shut behind me, storming off towards the woods that surrounded the Salvatore Boarding House. Angry tears blurred my vision, threatening to spill down my cheeks. It was a mistake coming to Mystic Falls.

I really had to stop putting myself in these situations. I knew I shouldn't be this heartbroken. I mean, I had Jax right? Why was I so caught up on Damon and Elena? I sat down on a log wiping away a single tear that slipped down my cheek with the back of my hand. I heard a _swoosh_, a familiar presence appearing next to me. I looked up pushing my hair out of my face. I met Damon's gaze and took a deep breath. He had gorgeous eyes. And after all these years I still got lost in them.

"She's beautiful," I said getting up. Damon didn't say a word, watching me.

We stood in silence, my heart thumping in my chest.

I concentrated on the rustling of the leaves, each passing second making me more and more aware of the ball of fire that burned in the pit of my stomach.

"She's not Katherine," Damon said at last breaking the silence.

I nodded, ignoring the ball of fire spreading through my veins. Damon and I shouldn't be alone. It's too dangerous. "But you love her all the same."

I focused on those words, the effort it took to speak them drawing my mind away from the lust growing inside me to uncontrollable levels.

"I tolerate her," Damon answered in his usual nonchalant way, taking a step closer. We both knew he was lying to me and himself if he thought he didn't love the girl. The weight of the truth was almost too much to bear.

"Was there ever a time you thought you could love _me_?" I asked, unable to stop myself. I needed to know. If I was going to leave, I at least deserved to know the truth. Our eyes locked and I saw a glimpse of what I've always wanted.

"You're all I think off," Damon informed me, moving towards me.

I stood grounded, letting Damon come close and cup my cheek with his palm.

"That's not the same," I breathed. I closed my eyes breaking eye contact, trying to stop the tears. I took a step back all emotions gone. I had to leave Mystic Falls.

I have Jax and Abel to think of. I needed to be strong for them if no one else.

"What can I say to stop you from going through with this?" Damon asked.

I shook my head. "There's nothing left for us. There hasn't been in years."

I turned around and walked away. Damon reached out and grabbed my wrist, stopping me in my tracks. I inhaled sharply, his touch burning. He spun me around, shoved me against a tree and kissed me. It was a raw passionate kiss, animalistic in a sense, years of yearning driving the kiss. The kiss brought back all the feelings and memories that I've tried to run from for so long. I grabbed his hair, holding on, taking control of the kiss. His hands gripped my ass, his nails digging into my flesh. I wrapped my legs around his waist, deepening the kiss.

My conscience finally caught up to the situation, reminding me of the man and child waiting for me in Charming. In six months I'm meant to walk down the aisle.

If I wanted Jax to be faithful to me then he deserves my fidelity. I pulled away and detached myself from Damon. "I can't do this," I said pulling down my dress.

"I'm not going to risk losing Jax just to be your second choice again."

I stormed out of the woods feeling lost and hurt. The feelings very familiar.

How could I let this happen? I allowed myself the one thing I knew I should stay away from. "Ava!" Damon called after me. I ignored him, walking with purpose to the house. I should've never come to this godforsaken town.

"Stop running away," Damon yelled after me.

He was right behind me, his closeness overwhelming. I stopped and turned around, facing the one person that haunted my dreams and tore my soul to shreds.

Damon towered over me intimidating me a little. My anger overpowered my fear.

"No!" I said heatedly. "You ran away!" I jabbed him in the chest with my finger. "You left me broken and alone. I was a goddamn mess after _you_ left me!" I pushed him, my anger taking control of my body. The sudden change in my mood caught Damon off guard and he stumbled a step back. "So, you have no right to stand here and tell me that I'm the one running away," I said. "I had finally put my life back together and picked up the pieces you left." My whole body shook with anger and tears welled up behind my eyes. I was not going to cry.

I have cried enough for Damon. He was not worth another tear. I turned around stomping off towards the house. My heart was breaking all over again, and there was nothing I could do about it. Damon was wedged inside my heart deeper than any cuts he made along the way. He was a part of me whether I liked it or not.

I couldn't stop myself from falling in love with Damon, but I could stop myself from going down this destructive path again. I got to the house and charged inside slamming the door behind me. I ran to my room, grabbed my already packed bag, and left the Salvatore Boarding House, running from everything that I was, and everything that I didn't want to become. I did what I knew I had to. I left behind my past.


	35. Chapter Thirty Four

**Chapter Thirty-Four**

_**Typical You**_

"_**You take the breath right out of me. You left a hole where my heart should be. You got to fight just to make it through, 'cause I will be the death of you..." ~ Breaking Benjamin**_

"_**My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing. You cut me open and I keep bleeding, keep bleeding love..." ~ Leona Lewis**_

"_**Feet don't fail me now. Take me to the finish line. Oh my heart it breaks every step that I take. But I'm hoping at the gates, they'll tell me that you're mine..." ~ Lana Del Rey**_

_**"I am wasted away, I made a million mistakes. Am I too late? There is a storm in my head; it rains on my bed when you are not here. I'm not afraid of dying, but I am afraid of losing you..." ~ Enrique Iglesias**_

After I left the Salvatore Boarding House I drove around for hours. I finally had to stop to fill the car with gas. I paid for the gas and set off again. I had hours before I had to catch my scheduled flight, and I simply wasn't in the right headspace to head back to Charming just yet. I had too much to think about. I finally made it to the airport after spending much of the night driving around. I returned the rental car and headed into the airport, where I checked in and waited. I only had hand luggage, which made the checking in process easier but meant I had to carry it around with me.

I sat down in one of the many Cafes in the airport, ordering myself a coffee and a muffin. I picked at the muffin and sipped my coffee, not really hungry.

In my rush to get out of Mystic Falls I never got to ask Stefan about the werewolves. Not that it was my business anymore. I was done with the supernatural world. Whatever it was Stefan and Damon could handle it.

"Can I get you anything?" a young girl asked. I looked up at the girl and smiled.

"You can take this away please," I said pushing away the muffin. She nodded and took away the barely touched muffin and coffee. A few minutes later she came back with the bill. I gave her a fifty and told her to keep the change.

She took the money and paused. "Miss, your arm," she said staring at my left arm.

I followed her eyes and saw what she saw. On the inside of my left arm was an ugly purple festering bruise. My veins around the bruise were swollen and black.

"It's nothing," I said quickly dropping my arm. I pulled on my cardigan, got up and grabbed my handbag and luggage, rushing from the Cafe and out of the airport hailing a cab. I had the cab take me back to Mystic Falls and back to the Salvatore Boarding House. The cab pulled into the driveway and drove up to the front door.

I paid the driver and got out. I didn't bother knocking just marched into the house, dropped my handbag and bag by the door, and headed to the living room.

"Where is he?" I demanded. Stefan and Elena both turned around looking surprised by my sudden reappearance. They were obviously in the middle of a serious conversation. But I didn't give a damn. Stefan looked confused, worry clouding his eyes. "Where is he?" I asked again. "I don't know," Stefan finally said. "Why?"

"He's been bitten," I said taking off my cardigan, showing Stefan and Elena the rotting wound. Stefan was in front of me in a flash, taking my arm in his hand and studying the wound. "Is this a werewolf bite?" he asked. "Yes!" I said prying my arm free from Stefan's grip. "And by the looks of it it's already spreading."

"What does this mean?" Stefan said nervously.

"Werewolf bites are fatal to vampires,," I answered with urgency.

"I don't understand," Elena said. "What do you mean it's fatal?"

I saw the panic in her eyes and worry in Stefan's. My fury was replaced by anguish.

"Damon will die." I turned around wiping away a single tear that slipped down my cheek. I was furious at Damon at getting bitten and inadvertently signing his own death warrant. It also frightened me to think that I could lose him. I wanted him out of my life, but not like this. I don't think I can live in a world without Damon.

"I mean, there is no easy cure for this, and as we're speaking Damon's getting infected with poison from the bite." I turned around to face them with plenty of questions of my own. A few hours ago they didn't even know werewolves existed, and know we're facing the possibility of losing Damon because of a werewolf bite. I wanted to know why, when and where this happened. "So, there's a cure?" Elena asked pulling me from my thoughts. "What?" I said focusing on Elena.

"You said that there is no easy way to cure a werewolf bite, which means there is a way," she replied worried. I shook my head needing to think.

I needed to talk to Damon. I needed to fix this. I had to safe Damon, because I just couldn't stand by and watch him die. "Ava!" Stefan said touching my shoulder.

"There's a way but you won't like it," I finally said my mind made up.

I felt physically sick. I wasn't sure if it was in anticipation of what I was about to do or if I was starting to get some of Damon's symptoms. I got the bruise it was only reasonable to think that I'd get the symptoms too. A sudden wave of dizziness hit me and I swayed on my feet. Before I could sit down unconsciousness gripped me and I saw Stefan move to catch me before I blacked out. I came to a couple of minutes later, feeling queasy and weak. And the wound was itchy as hell.

"You look like hell," Damon spoke from somewhere behind me.

I looked up and saw Damon. He looked a little under the weather himself.

Stefan helped me to my feet and steadied me before he let go.

"What the hell did you do?" I asked angrily.

"It's not that bad, it healed."

"No it didn't," I said showing him my arm. Damon looked taken aback and rolled up his sleeve inspecting his own arm. Sure enough the same wound was branded on his arm. "You are such an ass!" I said furious now. "You did this deliberately didn't you! You went and picked a fight with a werewolf."

"You don't get to lecture me, not anymore," Damon snapped.

"You are so frustrating," I said marching back to the room I stayed in.

I rushed to the toilet, emptying the contents of my stomach. I felt dreadful. The werewolf poison was spreading fast. Faster in me because I don't have vampire immunity, but it won't be long till Damon start showing more symptoms.

Stefan followed me in to the room, and joined me in the bathroom as I rinsed out my mouth. "If Damon was bitten then why do you have the same wound and symptoms?"

I splashed water over my face, trying to regain my composure and not burst in to tears.

"It's this stupid bond. When I opened my mind to him I allowed him into my body and soul," I said leaning against the sink. "So what does that mean?" Typical Stefan. His brother could die and he was still worried about me. I smiled attempting to lighten the mood. It wasn't the end of the road yet. I won't stop till I could safe Damon.

"I'll be fine, I'm just having Damon's symptoms."

"So what do we do now?" Damon asked joining us in the bathroom.

Elena was close on his heels and we were all squished together in the bathroom. I sat down on the toilet giving Elena a spot to stand. Damon leaned against the door, Stefan leaned against the sink and Elena sat down on the floor, resting against the bathtub.

"We cure you," I said matter-of-factly.

"How do we do that?" Elena asked looking up at me.

I looked down not ready to tell them just yet on how I was planning to cure Damon.

I wanted to exhaust all other options. "I need a couple of days to look at all our options," I concluded, meeting Damon's gaze. They all nodded seeming to agree. But there was still a lot of anxiousness in the room.

It's been a week and I still hadn't find what I was looking for. There was two options that could possibly cure Damon, but I wasn't sure about either of them. All I had was journal entries from my father of what he was told. I had no idea if either option would even work. And both would cost lives. "You sound sick," Jax noted from the other side of the line. I leaned back against the bed's headboard, closing my eyes.

It was nice to hear Jax's voice and it almost brought me to tears. I was feeling really ill and it didn't get any better. My blood in Damon's system was causing Damon to die a slow death. My blood mixed with his own slowed down the spread of the poison.

"I'm fine, it's just a stomach bug," I promised.

"Okay then," he said, still concerned.

"I have to go honey. I love you." I did my best to keep the tears at bay.

"I love you too, babe." I put down the phone and burst into tears. I felt horrible and I just wanted to be in my own bed with Jax looking after me. But I had this loyalty towards Damon that kept me here. I laid down pulling the duvet over my head, letting my tears fall freely. I heard the shuffling of feet and wiped my eyes, poking my head out from under the duvet. Damon stumbled into the room looking like he was on the brink of death. And by the way his face was contorted with pain told me that that was exactly how he felt. The sight of him, so weak, took me by surprise.

He was normally so strong and agile. He sat down on the bed beside me, putting his feet up, getting comfortable. I sat up slowly, flinching with pain and heartache coursing through me. "I'm sorry for what I've put you through," Damon apologized, turning his head to look at me. I shook my head meeting his tired gaze.

His words amazed me. If he thought, for even a second, he could apologize and all would be forgotten he was sorely mistaken.

"You have taken enough from me," I said, turning around, facing Damon. We locked eyes and I let him look into the soulless shell that he had discarded a long time ago. "Whether we like it or not you are a part of me. And if you die a part of me will die with you. The part of me that keeps me sane. That keeps me human," I breathed, the pain and heartache Damon's put me through unmistakable in each word. Damon opened his mouth to speak, but I interrupted not yet done in telling him exactly how I felt.

Something I should have done years ago. For too long I have let myself be caught up in this game we played. But it was time for it to end. I was done being a pawn in Damon's games and antics. "Don't mistake my presence here with that of love and grief, Damon. I have given you all I have to give.

" I needed to know how to be _me_ without Damon always close enough to use and abuse me.

"I never meant to hurt you the way I did," Damon said taking my hand in his. I glared at him, pulling my hand back.

"Bullshit! You knew exactly how I felt and you used that to manipulate me!" I took a deep, calming, breathe. "You knew exactly what you did." Damon looked at me without fear, just regret. The anger I felt had gone leaving in its presence sorrow. I looked away shaking my head, tired and sad.

It was hard to even begin to explain the sadness I felt. It was the type that took away your breath, and left you with nothing but darkness.

"You came back," Damon said breaking the silence. I ran my hand over my face, putting my fingers against my mouth, turning back to face Damon. My eyes were swimming in tears, my will broken. I nodded, closing my eyes.

"I came back," I whispered. Damon cupped my face, leaning closer.

"I don't want you to die and leave me here all alone," I confessed resting my head against his.

"I know," he said kissing my forehead. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me against him. We laid down, Damon's arms wrapped around me, my head resting on his chest. And I knew at that moment that the only way to safe Damon was to sacrifice myself. There was one cure that we had all the components for, and that was the one we were going to use to cure Damon.


	36. Chapter Thirty Five

**Chapter Thirty-Five**

_**No You're Not**_

_**"It's time to forget about the past. To wash away what happened last. Hide behind an empty face. Don't ask too much, just say 'cause this is just a game..." ~ 30 Seconds to Mars**_

_**"Oh I don't love you but I always will. Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise. **__**I don't have a choice but I'd still choose you..." ~ The Civil Wars**_

_**"But when that sun comes and that wind shows, I'll meet you there. When that wind slows I'll meet you there..." ~ Gin Wigmore**_

They say love will conquer all. What they don't tell you is that with love comes a lot of sacrifices. Some sacrifices are little like giving up your side of the bed. But other sacrifices are much bigger and causes more heartache. Loving Damon has caused me to make quite a lot of sacrifices. But that's what you do for love.

You make sacrifices and choices you wouldn't really ever make. I've already given so much, yet I was ready to give my life if it meant I could save his. With my mind made up I had us all gather in the living room. Damon's been sustained with human blood, Stefan stole from the blood clinic, and my blood that I mixed with the human blood.

I was too weak to give him enough of my blood to sustain him so I had to mix it with human blood. Which meant Damon was in agony. Which meant I was in agony. But it was all about to end. I just needed a couple of things in order to cure Damon. Stefan and Elena was already waiting in the living room when I entered. Stefan got up and helped me across the room and to an armchair. I sat down crossing my legs and resting my elbow on the arm of the chair.

Damon was the last to enter looking close to deaths door. He was wet with sweat and his skin was paler than normal. He sat down on the other armchair. I took my father's journal from under my arm and placed it on the coffee table. I sat back and folded my hands in my lap.

"My father only recorded two ways of curing a werewolf bite, and neither is easy," I began. "We're gonna need a witch, an original Keeper and my father's journal," I finished. "That's easy we've got them all here," Elena spoke sounding relieved.

I looked at her and gave her my best reassuring smile. "I'll go call Bonnie," Elena said getting to her feet already dialing Bonnie's number. "Bonnie?" I asked.

"She's Elena's friend," Stefan answered.

"You sure this is gonna work?" Damon asked finally joining the conversation.

"I don't know, but it's worth a try," I said truthfully.

Damon nodded and got to his feet. He walked towards me kissed the top of my head, and turned around to leave. He paused and turned to look at me. "Thank you."

He left the room and went back to his room. I watched him go with sadness in my eyes. He wasn't going to be thankful when he found out what was required for the ceremony. But that was something to worry about later.

I got to my feet and walked downstairs to the cellar to get a bag of blood. I got a bag of O negative and headed back upstairs. I went in to the kitchen and got a glass from the cupboard. "I've read your father's journal, Ava," Stefan suddenly said.

"What?" I asked distracted, looking up. Stefan stood a few feet away holding my father's journal in his hand. "Why are you doing this?" Stefan asked, watching me as I made a gash in my arm, the blood dripping into the glass.

"Because it's what he needs," I answered pouring the O negative blood in while my own blood dripped into the glass.

"That's not what I meant, Ava." I saw the hunger in his eyes with the smell of blood in the air. "You're going to sacrifice yourself for Damon."

"This is the only way, Stefan."

"No!" Stefan bellowed. He caught himself from giving in to his anger, taking a calming breath. "You can't do this."

"This is the only option we have. There is no other cure."

"You said there are two ways. What's the other?"

"There's not enough time."

"What is it, Ava?" Stefan demanded his anger getting the best of him.

"You require the blood of the hybrid," I said focusing on healing the wound I inflicted on myself. "A what?" Stefan looked confused, his anger subsiding.

"One of the original vampires is a hybrid. He's both a vampire and a werewolf. You'll need his blood to cure Damon."

"Okay. Where do I get it?"

"It's not that easy," I said shaking my head. "One doesn't just find an original vampire, and you'll definitely won't get his blood without paying dearly for it."

"It's better than the alternative," Stefan said apprehensively.

"This is what I want, Stefan. Don't make this harder than it already is," I said taking the glass of blood to Damon. Not for one to stand down from a fight Stefan followed me, obviously not done giving me a piece of his mind.

"Why are you so willing to die for him when he has done nothing but make your life a living hell?" asked Stefan. I knew Stefan was happy that there's a way to save his only brother, but classic Stefan he felt guilty for what saving Damon's life would cost.

I admit this wasn't the best plan, but it was the only one we had.

"Because," I stopped and turned around to face Stefan. "For some reason I love the asshole, and I'd rather die than live with the fact that I'd done nothing to save him," I answered matter-of-factly, ignoring the obvious.

"If you save him then you will die," Stefan noted, pointing out the flaw in my plan.

In order to cure Damon I have to sacrifice myself. The legend states that a Keeper of original origin has to sacrifice him or herself, and with the blood, soul and magic the vampire would be healed. For the ceremony to be effective there needs to be a witch, a Keeper and a spell. Elena knew a witch, and I had both the spell and the Keeper.

This was the only way I knew to cure Damon and save his life.

"Let me try to find this original," Stefan pleaded.

"No!" I snapped. "You will not offer yourself to an original."

"I have a plan." Stefan was trying to convince me that seeking the help from Niklaus, the hybrid, would be better. "This way you don't have to die."

"So it's okay for you to sacrifice yourself to cure Damon, but not for me?"

"My family has caused you enough heartache."

"My job is to protect you from harm, not send you into harm's way," I said.

"You're not our Keeper anymore, you don't have to protect us."

"I've made up my mind, Stefan. So either accept it or leave."

I left Stefan standing in the hallway and headed towards Damon's room.

"He won't let you do this," Stefan called after me.

"He doesn't have a choice!" I called back.

"No!" Damon said angrily. "I will not let you do this. Not after everything I've done to you." Stefan had gone behind my back while I was in the shower, and told Damon what curing him entails. Neither brother seems to understand that sometimes what one doesn't know wouldn't hurt you. To say that Damon was mad was an understatement.

He was livid. If he wasn't so weak he'd be putting up a more physical fight.

"I'm doing this, because this is the only way," I said defending my choice.

"Just stop the martyr act will you. I get it!" he said glaring at me. If looks could kill I'd be seriously wounded right now. "You're doing this to punish me."

"Yes, Damon. I'm dying to punish you." I got up from the end of the bed and crossed my arms. "You don't get it do you?" I asked tired of being ridiculed for my choice. They needed to understand why I was doing this. Maybe I was being a martyr, but it's because the thought of losing Damon forever would kill me. I wouldn't be able to take it. "I _can't_ live in a world without you. I can't sit by and watch you die!"

"Last week you were ready to leave me for a mortal being, now you're here trying to save _me_!" Damon had tears in his eyes. I wasn't sure whether it was because this was an emotional situation or because he was in pain. There was a knock on the front door distracting us. We waited to hear if someone was going to get the door. There was another knock and I turned to go open the door, when we heard Stefan answer the door. I turned back facing Damon. "This may come as a surprise to you, but my decision to die for you isn't just for you it's also for Stefan. You might not get along with your brother, but he's the only family you've got left," I said. "So, I'm doing this for him just as much as I'm doing this for you."

"Ava!" Stefan called from the somewhere in the house. There was a sense of urgency in his voice that had me leave Damon in his room and hurry out to find Stefan.

Stefan was in the living room and with him was someone I thought I would never see again. I thought she was dead. "Ava?" Damon asked picking up his pace. "You look like you've seen a ghost." He stopped in his tracks when he saw what I saw.

In the living room standing with Stefan and Elena was Lucinda. Lucinda who I thought died when I killed Vincent. I wasn't the only one who thought so. Damon was there he saw what happened. He saved me when Lucinda told him to get me out before my house burned to the ground. We thought she died in the fire. But she didn't because she was standing in front of me looking just as I last saw her. Beautifully poised and well dressed. The years have treated her well.

I barely noticed Stefan and Elena leaving the room, my attention on Lucinda.

I rushed towards Lucinda and threw my arms around her. I hugged her and tears ran down my face. They were tears of joy and sadness. Lucinda embraced me and gave me a few minutes to enjoy the reunion. But it was short lived, because in true Lucinda style she was all business. "What have you got yourself in to?" Lucinda said looking at Damon, her attention now focused on him.

"Wait a second. You can't just waltz in here after almost eighty years and not tell me where you've been all this time," I said a little upset. "I've been keeping an eye on you, Avalon. I've been trying to stop The Assembly from finding you."

"That's been you?" I said in disbelief.

"You were the one that told me when to find her when she needed help," Damon said coming to stand next to me. Lucinda smiled her warm genuine smile and nodded.

"Your father might have been against this union, but I've always known," Lucinda mused with a knowing smile. I looked at Damon, who was purposefully avoiding my gaze. Lucinda took my hand and squeezed it.

"You had me worried for a while there, but it seems you've come to your senses."

Lucinda clearly knew a lot more than I did. For some reason she's been informed of something I had no clue about. Lucinda looked at me to Damon and back. Comprehension hit me like a slap in the face. I suddenly realized what she was referring to. "You knew I'd come back for him."

"I was hoping that you would," she said.

"But why?" I asked.

"Sometimes you can be so blind, Avalon."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't you see? This is what you do. It's what he does. You save each other."

"What?" Lucinda smiled knowingly at me and then turned to look at Damon.

"Let me see the wound," she said changing the subject. Her statement left me reeling, and by the looks of it Damon looked the way I felt. Totally confused and a bit suspicious. Damon, still a bit dazed, complied and showed her the spot where the werewolf had bit him. "How are you still functional?" she asked inspecting the wound.

"Ava's been giving me human blood mixed with her own," Damon answered coming out of his trance. "It's only prolonging the inevitable," Lucinda noted getting straight to the point. "I know," he replied. Lucinda dropped Damon's arm and turned around to look at me. "See?" she said, looking at me like I was supposed to understand. I didn't. I'm sorry, but this was all very bizarre. "You'll always be there for him," she noted.

"Yes we all know that, what's your point?" I raised getting frustrated.

"You love Jax, but you're in love with Damon. And it's not going change."

"I love Jax," I insisted. I noticed Damon flinch when I said that but chose to ignore it. "Why are you still not human?" Lucinda posed, looking self-satisfied.

"I'm looking for Jack. And if you've been around like you've said then you're supposed to know that," I said irritably.

"That's bullshit and you know it. You can't become human because you know Damon would never allow it. He'll turn you if he thought he might lose you."

"Turning me would mean that he can no longer have my blood."

"It's never been about the blood!" Damon interjected.

"Really?" I turned to look at him. "Then torturing me was all for what? Fun?"

"Martyr," he said. I groaned and ran my fingers through my hair.

"None of this matter anyway," I pointed out. "Once Bonnie is familiar with the spell all of this would be forgotten." I turned around and walked away.

"No it won't, because I'm here to give my life for the cure."

My jaw literally dropped at her words, and I stopped in my tracks.

"No!" I said hastily spinning around. "I can't let you do this," I said finally understanding why she came here. She was going to give her life in my place. She was going to sacrifice herself. Lucinda was willing to die for me again.

"I'm doing this not because I want to but because I have to," she said gently.

"That makes no sense," I said angrier than I meant to.

"This is what I'm supposed to do. This is why your mother asked me to protect you."

"I don't understand."

"I hope that one day you will."

"Lucinda, please. I'll do it. It is my turn to protect you."

"It was never your job to protect me. That's not why your parents chose you."

"They chose me because Katherine killed my biological parents."

"Oh sweetie, that is not why they took you. You're meant to do so much more. I just wish you'd realize that."

"I don't know what it is I am meant to do! I don't understand, why I'm so important?"

"When the time's right you'll know exactly what it is you're supposed to do," Lucinda answered, wrapping her arms around me and giving me a hug. I hugged her back accepting the fact that she was going to go through with this, no matter how much I protested. This was her final act of saving me. For the last ninety odd years I thought I was abandoned, but she's been there the whole time. She guided me and kept me safe. I owed her my life and yet she didn't want that. She wanted her last act to be one to save me again, just like she promised my mother. I nodded and let go of her. She kissed my forehead tears in her eyes. "I'm so proud of you."


	37. Chapter Thirty Six

**Chapter Thirty-Six**

_**Goodbye Old Friend**_

_**"Move on don't look back. I jumped off a train running off the tracks. Love is gone face the facts. A bad movie ends and the screen fades to black. What you did to me boy I can't forget. If you think I'm coming back. You can't touch me. You can't touch me now. There's no feeling left. If you think I'm coming back. Don't hold your breath..." ~ Nicole Scherzinger**_

_**"Remember all the things we wanted. Now all our memories, they're haunted. We were always meant to say goodbye..." ~ Kelly Clarkson**_

_**"So if you love me, let me go...I couldn't face a life without your light, but all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight... my own was banished long ago. It took the death of hope to let you go...**_ _**And I won't listen to your shame you ran away - you're all the same. Angels lie to keep control. My love was punished long ago If you still care, don't ever let me know..." ~ Slipknot**_

_**"You can't hear me cry, see my dreams all die from where you're standing on your own. It's so quiet here and I feel so cold. This house no longer feels like home..." ~ Ben Cocks**_

A couple of days after Lucinda showed up willing to sacrifice herself to safe Damon, Bonnie managed to get all the ingredients to perform the sacrificing ceremony. Damon, Lucinda and I sat up for hours the first night talking about her and catching up. Lucinda convinced us both that this was what was best, but wouldn't say why.

She also told me that I had to tell Damon what it was I was so content on hiding from him. She said that it wasn't fair to Damon to be kept in the dark about something that is so personal. I promised her but I had no intention on following through with the promise, because I promised myself many years ago that I would never tell anyone my big secret. Lucinda also told me that when the time's right I would understand why she was doing all this.

I just wish there was another way, a way that didn't require anyone to lose their life. But there wasn't. The spell clearly states that in order to remove the werewolf taint from Damon's blood he needs to consume the blood of a pure being. And nobody was more pure than Lucinda. After long discussions and Lucinda assuring me that this was what she wanted, I said goodbye to my best friend.

Around midnight Bonnie had it all set up and ready in the basement, just to ensure that there were no interruptions. Lucinda and Damon both insisted that I wasn't present when the ritual took place, but I couldn't just sit upstairs and wait. So, I went downstairs a couple of minutes after Damon and stopped in my tracks. Lucinda was strapped to a table, her wrist and thighs sporting cuts that allowed blood to pour into empty vases. She was fast asleep totally unaware of what was happening.

Damon, who was really weak, and had to be supported by Bonnie, lost his fight to his beast. It surfaced the hunger bold in his eyes. I pulled myself together and hurried to where Damon was leaning against Bonnie, taking over. I kept Damon on his feet while Bonnie resumed her place by Lucinda's head. She bend over, picked up one of the vases and held it out for Damon.

"Here drink this," Bonnie said a look of distain on her face. I ignored it, instead focusing on Damon. He took the vase eagerly from her and gulped it down. Knowing a little of the spell I helped Damon sit down and retrieved the three other vases. Damon gulped them down as well while Bonnie read the spell aloud. Most of it was in Latin and I only caught some of it.

When Bonnie finished the first part of the spell she took a little of Lucinda's blood and rubbed it on Damon's wound. "You have to drain her of all her blood while I finish the spell," Bonnie instructed. She covered her hands with Lucinda's blood and placed her bloody hands on either side of Lucinda's head. Damon nodded and I helped him to where Lucinda laid and watched as he got on his knees by her neck.

He sunk his teeth into the flesh of her neck, merrily drinking her blood. I had to look away, the image before me too much for me to bear. Bonnie closed her eyes as the chanting became louder. She had tapped into Lucinda's being and was using Lucinda's abilities to heal Damon. She seemed to be fighting with the werewolf poison.

What felt like days later Bonnie collapsed, falling to her knees. I hurried to where she stood and caught her before she landed on all fours. A couple of minutes later Damon gasped and sagged to the floor. I made sure Bonnie was alright before I went over to check on Damon. Neither Damon nor Bonnie responded and I called Stefan.

"What's wrong?" Stefan asked swooshing into the room.

"I don't know," I said worried. "They were both fine and then they collapsed."

"Did it work?" Stefan looked at the scene guiltily.

"She wanted to do this," I reassured him. Stefan nodded, but I knew that he never wanted anyone to pay so dearly in order to safe Damon. "I know," he said sounding like he was trying to convince himself of that. He picked Damon up and carried him out of the room. A few minutes later he came back for Bonnie.

I left Damon and Bonnie in Stefan and Elena's care, instead focusing my attention on Lucinda. I went and got a bucket of water and a sponge. I started by washing off the blood on her thighs, wrists and her neck. Lucinda couldn't heal because she didn't have a drop of blood left inside her, and her essence was erased when Bonnie healed Damon with it. I took my time cleaning Lucinda and changing her clothes.

When I was done with Lucinda, I moved on to cleaning the blood from the floor.

Every passing moment brought me closer to tears, but I didn't cry. I was afraid that if I started I would never stop. "Do you need any help?" Elena asked from the doorway.

I turned around and gave her a tired smile. "If you could grab a sponge and help clean this damn floor," I said. "Sure," Elena nodded and left to get an extra bucket and sponge. We cleaned the room in silence, neither one of us in the mood for conversation.

The next day we buried Lucinda in the Salvatore's backyard. Stefan offered to bury Lucinda, a way of showing his gratitude for her sacrifice. I watched as Stefan dug the grave, put Lucinda's body in, and fill the hole again. I just stood there unable to move. Just to keep on breathing was hard. When Stefan was done, Damon and Elena joined us. Damon was still on the mend, and Elena didn't want to be in the way.

Stefan walked past me, squeezed my shoulder, and left with Elena. He knew that I needed some time by myself. I stood in front of the newly filled hole in the ground where Lucinda's body was laid to rest feeling numb. I couldn't bring myself to cry.

I just kept on looking at the ground wondering where it all went so wrong. Lucinda gave her life to safe the one person I thought I hated. Now I wasn't so sure anymore. Hating Damon was exhausting, and I was tired. I wish I could just go back to where it all began. To a time where everything seemed simpler. I love Damon, and I've never denied that. But maybe, just maybe if I never met him none of this would have happened. It's hard to not blame and resent Damon for how my life turned out.

I know it was easier to blame Damon for all my troubles and afflictions, and I know that I too had some part in this. Maybe I too was to blame for all of this.

Lucinda's death was just as much my fault as it was Damon's. I fell in love with Damon, I was the one who was hell bent on sacrificing myself to safe Damon. Lucinda did what she was instructed to do. Protect me.

Damon walked up to me and took my hand in his, pulling me from my sombre thoughts. I looked down, staring at my feet, trying my best to keep my tears at bay. Damon squeezed my hand as if he knew exactly what I was doing. The gesture broke me. I closed my eyes and wept. Damon didn't move, just held my hand letting me cry. I bend over the sorrow overwhelming. Once I started I couldn't stop.

I sat down on my heels, the power of my grief weighing me down. Damon gripped my hand tighter, not letting go. My body shook with silent, violent, sobs my emotions crushing. I let myself grief for my friend, letting go of all the pain and disappointment.

"It's not fair," I cried wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. It felt like my whole world was collapsing down around me, and there was nothing I could do.

I felt so helpless. So lost. "Why do we have to lose so much?" I asked through tears, shaking my head. I wept for all that we've lost. Love, friendship, family.

"I don't know," Damon said sincerely. I wiped away another tear, getting to my feet.

I pulled my hand from Damon's grasp pulling down my dress. I couldn't do this anymore. It's too hard. I was too exhausted to keep on fighting a lost cause.

If I learned anything from my trip to Mystic Falls it was that I couldn't keep doing this. This was the push I needed to get out of this game.

"This doesn't change anything," I said turning around and heading back home.

I went straight to my room and packed my bag for the second time, and hopefully for the last. I stuffed in the last of my dirty clothes, when the bedroom door opened.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I had to do this. This was what was best for everyone. "Where are you going?" Damon asked from the doorway. I opened my eyes and zipped my bag shut. I turned around to face Damon, tears already threatening to spill from my eyes. "I'm going home," I whispered.

Damon looked gob-smacked. He didn't see this coming. He thought that after all that's happened I was going to stay. God I was tempted to stay, I really was. But I couldn't.

Marrying Jax was my why out and I had to take it. I owed myself to find happiness and I could have that with Jax and Abel in Charming.

"I can't keep doing this," I said a tear rolling down my cheek. I caught it with my finger, wiping it away. "I have given too much of myself and I've lost too much," I closed my eyes willing my tears away.

"Then all of this," Damon indicated with his hand. "Was for nothing."

"It wasn't for nothing cause you're alive," I pointed out.

"You think you're happy, but it's nothing more than a facade," Damon said resentment in his voice. "You don't know anything, Damon."

"I know you, and Jax isn't the one for you."

"You don't know me, not anymore!"

"Then why are you still here?" he asked, heatedly.

We were both in pain I realized. My heart was broken, but so was his.

I never realized till now. He was in just as much torment as I was.

He was watching me grow into a different person. He was seeing me moving on with a different man. The next words slipped out before I could stop them.

At the same time I felt relieved to get it off my chest. "It will always be you, don't you get that!" I said crying. "Only you," I whispered, wiping away my tears.

"Then why are you leaving?" he asked, in that same pained voice he had when he told me that we could never be together all those years ago. So much have happened since then. Too much have changed. I shook my head, my heart aching for the decision I was making. A decision I should have made a long time ago.

"Because I love him," I answered. Maybe it was true. Maybe I was lying to both of us. But I knew it was right. If anyone was to blame for how our lives turned out, then it's Damon. I gave him countless opportunities to be with me and he walked away every time. There was only so much one person could give.

I got my bag and handbag, and pushed past Damon leaving the room.

"I came back," Damon called after me, his voice breaking on the last word.

I stopped. The world coming to a standstill. His words rang loudly in my ears, drowning out all thoughts. _He came back_, my brain repeated Damon's words over and over again. _He came back. "_I came back," he said standing right behind me. I could sense him, my body all too aware of how close he was.

"I cleaned you up and gave you my blood." I heard him talk. The words cutting through me like razors. _He came back. _My heart ached physically hurting.

I shook my head trying to clear it. It didn't help. Even breathing hurt.

"You were dying, so I fed you my blood," Damon continued, disregarding my feeble attempts at making him stop. I wanted him to stop talking.

Shaking my head didn't do the trick. "Stop," I begged.

"I came back _for you_," he said gripping my wrist in desperation.

I spun around and slapped him. I channeled the pain and anguish I felt into anger.

"No!" I shrieked, slapping him again. I slapped him again. I didn't care that he hardly felt any of the blows I dealt him. I just wanted to let him know that he had no right to come back into my life expecting me to drop everything I've worked so hard for.

He left me wrecked and aching. He had no right to expect anything from me. I let him know all this by letting down the walls in my head. "I lo—" I gave him a back hand, so hard Damon actually stumbled backwards.

"Don't. You. Dare," I breathed furiously, waving my index finger in front of his face. We looked at each other so much pain and heartache between us to last us a lifetime.

I decided that if I was going to leave then I had to leave my feelings behind too.

So it was time to come clean and confess how I feel once and for all. Maybe this way we could both move on. "My soul aches for you," I confessed.

Damon stood frozen letting what was just said sink in.

"Then why are you marrying him?" he said.

"It's not that simple, Damon," I whispered. "A lot has changed."

"I love you," he said. Those three words broke my heart. So much have been lost and so much have been gained. For so long all I wanted was to hear Damon utter those three. But, now it was three words offered to the universe just hanging onto what could have been. "It's too late," I said. The words tasted foul in my mouth.

My heart begging me to stay, to take back my words. I couldn't.

"If I can go back..." he looked away, a first for him. "If I can go back to before I joined the army I would have loved to marry you and have children with you. I would grow old with _you_," he said meeting my teary gaze with his own. "But we can't," I said.

It was heartless. But it needed to be said. "I belong in Charming and I would appreciate it if you'd just let me go."


	38. Chapter Thirty Seven

**Chapter Thirty-Seven**

_**Letting Go**_

_**"But everything changes. If I could turn back the years. If you could learn to forgive me. Then I could learn to feel..." ~ Staind **_

_**"Her best days will be some of my worst. She finally met a man that's gonna put her first. While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping. 'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven...**_ _**What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you, And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok..." ~ The Script**_

_**"Now when all is done. There is nothing to say. You have gone and so effortlessly. You have won..." ~ James Arthur**_

I watched as she said her goodbyes to Stefan and Elena. I just stood by and watched as she got in the cab and left. I wanted to stop her, I really did. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I needed to let her go, even if it killed me. Ava was right. She deserves to be happy, and who was I to stop her from having that. Maybe Jax could give her the happiness she's always wanted. I stopped by the room she stayed in and stood in the doorway. One lonesome tank-top laid on the floor, forgotten in the rush.

I went over to it and picked it up. I sat down on the bed holding the top in my hand. It all turned into such a mess. And I was to blame for most of it. If I just stayed instead of joining the Confederate Army none of this would have ever happened.

So, all the heartache was my fault. I threw the top across the room, cross with myself. For too long I blamed Ava for what has happened to me, that I forgot that I started it all in 1859. I got up and left the room, closing the door behind me.

Too distracted I didn't hear Stefan approach. I turned around to face him.

"You're letting her go?" Stefan asked, incredulity. He watched me intently, the frown he wore making him look older. It was no secret my brother and I didn't see eye to eye on many things, but when it came down to it we had each other's backs.

We have proved that a few times now. Especially when it came to Elena and Ava.

"It's what she wants," I said indifferently, shrugging. I pretended it didn't bother me.

It shouldn't really. Ava was right. Her leaving was what was best for both of us. Together we were hurting each other too much. Ava loved me in a way that wasn't healthy for her. I physically and emotionally abused her, I made her love me for all the wrong reasons. "You're an idiot," Stefan pointed out smugly. I glared at him.

I didn't need his self-righteousness on top of everything else. "Thanks, brother," I spat walking out of the room. The room had suddenly become too small. I wasn't ready to love anyone again. Katherine made a fool out of me and I vowed that no woman would ever do that to me again. But Ava had showed up and I couldn't stop myself caring for her. Who was I kidding? I fell in love with her, and to prove to myself I didn't I kept hurting her. I thought by hurting her she would fear me, she would want to keep running from me. I wanted so much for Ava to hate me. In the beginning it had worked. She ran and she was terrified of me, but she didn't have the strength to say no, and didn't have the sense to stay away. She let me take my anger out on her, taking every hit with another to satisfy me. Then I went and I fell in love with her.

I refused to admit it to myself. I was in denial. I thought that eventually I would tire from her, that it was only a game. Ava almost dying at my hand had made me sick.

I had never hated myself so much before. That was why I had to let her go.

I didn't deserve someone like Ava to love me.

"Ava has killed for you. She gave you everything she had. And I do mean _everything,"_ Stefan said following me, working on my nerves. I stopped at the bottom of the stairs, working hard on not punching my brother. I was in a foul mood and he's really not helping the situation by pointing out the obvious for me. It was a bad day for Stefan to be annoyingly correct. My tolerance was running very thin.

"I don't care what you think but this is for the best." I turned around and walked away.

I was being the better person. I knew Stefan was right. Ava had done so much for me, and yet I have done almost nothing for her, only causing her suffering.

"For who? You or Ava?" Stefan called from the stairs. The tone in his voice told me he wasn't done talking. I turned and sighed giving in to my curiosity.

Whatever Stefan had to say had got to be good, otherwise he wouldn't have waited so long to say it. So, I decided to indulge Stefan and play along.

"Enlighten me, Stefan," I said to my brother, crossing my arms and leaning against the sofa. Stefan walked down the rest of the stairs and joined me in the living room. He was surprised that I was giving him the time of day. He looked at me for a moment assessing me. "You are too stubborn to see it but you and Ava are perfect for each other," he stopped, taking a breath, waiting to see if I was going to respond or say something sarcastic. I didn't, I wanted to hear where he was going with this. Where he thought his words would take him. What he wanted to achieve. I was curious.

"She's probably the only woman who lets you be what you are," he continued watching me with intent. I slid over the back of the sofa and settled myself on it, folding my arms under my head, getting comfortable. This was going to be interesting I could sense it. Stefan thought he had it all figured out. He rolled his eyes, but went on. "She allowed you to drink from her, to beat her, to be a vampire. Ava loves you for who you are not expecting you to change for her—"

"Well she's got the family she wanted, she doesn't want me anymore," I informed him already bored. Stefan advanced glaring at me with those intense eyes of his. Already judging me. "Keepers adapt to survive, Ava herself had mentioned it a few times—"

"Get to the point Stefan," I interjected getting annoyed. Stefan's tone and body language told me he was pissed at my lack of understanding. He expected me to know where he was heading with this charade of his. "Ava didn't adapt to her environment like a normal being," my brother snapped. "She adapted to you. She molded herself for _you!_" I had obviously struck a nerve in him. Not that it took much coaxing on my part. I had a knack in aggravating my brother. We brought out the worst in each other. We always had. Stefan flew over the couch and landed in front of me invading my personal space. I leapt from the couch and had Stefan pinned against the wall.

I didn't like to be threatened. The beasts within us had emerged and were ready to fight. Stefan pushed me away and threw me across the room. I turned my body and landed on my feet breaking my fall with my hands. I straightened and glowered at Stefan, a roar building in my chest. "You ruined her life. You did to her what you always do. You stalk in have your fun no matter what the cost!" Stefan was enraged.

Every fiber of his body vibrated. He had to keep himself from trying to rip out my throat. I had seen him this angry a few times before, but this was the first time he held back. He wasn't done telling me exactly what he was thinking.

"I'm letting her go! I did what she wanted me to do," I snapped.

"Since when do you do what others want you to do?"

The beast within me retreated and the look in my eyes softened. I understood now that Stefan felt like he was losing her too. She was like a sister to him. He loved her.

"Since I saw how much I've hurt her."

Stefan's beast disappeared and sympathy taking its place. "Then save her."

"What?" I asked surprised.

"You just realized that you love that girl." Stefan said gently, a smile on his face.

"I think I've always loved her."

"Then don't let her go without a fight, Damon."

I shook my head and smiled. "I love her and it's because I love her that I'm letting her go. It's what she wants. It's what she deserves."

"You've picked a hell of a time to be selfless," Stefan said honestly. For the first time he looked proud of me. He still didn't support my decision, but he accepted that I was doing what I thought was right for Ava.


	39. Chapter Thirty Eight

**Chapter Thirty-Eight**

_**Home**_

_**"I'm staring out into the night, trying to hide the pain. I'm going to the place where love and feeling good don't ever cost a thing and the pain you feel's a different kind of pain...Well I'm going home, **__**back to the place where I belong, and where your love has always been enough for me..." ~ Daughtry**_

_**"Hold on, to me as we go as we roll down this unfamiliar road, and although this wave is stringing us along, just know you're not alone. 'Cause I'm going to make this place your home..." ~ Phillip Phillips**_

_**"The dawn is breaking. A light shining through. You're barely waking and I'm tangled up in you..." ~ Howie Day**_

It's funny how you think you're following your heart, when all you're doing is go back to what you know. I thought that I belonged with Damon. I truly thought that he was the one. My other half. For so long I believed that he took my soul, making it impossible for me to fully love someone else. I kept protecting my heart, because that was all I had left. I was so busy protecting myself that I lost sight of what my heart actually wanted. Damon was my past. I see that now. I was too blinded by my own fears. I unlocked the front door, the house dark and quiet.

I came back to the one person that loved me, even when I was broken beyond repair. The one person that saw who I was, and who I could be. Somehow Jax managed to break through my barriers, healing what was once broken. I was just too scared to notice. Not anymore. I loved Jax, and as crazy as it might sound I wanted to be mortal, marry him, and start a family. It was who I was meant to be.

I stood in the foyer a calmness settling within me. I was home. This was where I belonged. I climbed the stairs, making sure I didn't wake Abel. I listened to his calm breathing, my heart filled with joy, and love. I loved that boy more than anything else. And I loved Jax, I just never realized how much until I found that living without him and Abel wasn't what I wanted. I walked into our bedroom, kicking off my shoes.

Jax was fast asleep on his back, Abel on my side of the bed. I smiled to myself, the sight of Jax and Abel, healing another scar on my heart. Being back was like a breath of fresh air. For the first time in a very, very long time I felt home.

It was like this was exactly where I belonged. Where my heart and soul belonged.

Jax stirred turning his head and opening his eyes. I fought against my instincts to close my eyes and hold my breath. I need to be here now, show that I was in the right place. Our eyes met, tears welling up behind my lids. I got down on my knees next to the bed. A smile pulled at the corners of Jax's mouth, true happiness behind the smile.

He reached over Abel and took my hand giving it a light squeeze. I squeezed back, touching his palm to my face. "I love you," I breathed quietly, not wanting to wake Abel. "I love you too," he replied.

I woke up after a great night's sleep feeling well rested and refreshed. I stretched out my arms a smile on my face, my new oath of leaving the past behind taking full effect.

The smell of freshly made coffee and French toast floated throw the crack in the door.

With my supernatural hearing I could hear Jax downstairs talking to Abel.

I jumped out of bed, pulled my hair back and into a ponytail, making my way downstairs.

"Your mom got in really late so let's surprise her with breakfast in bed," Jax said to Abel putting two pieces of French toast into a plate and onto a tray.

Abel was strapped against Jax's chest tightly secured in his baby carrier.

I turned around and headed back to bed. I didn't want all Jax's hard work to go to waste, and beside it's been years since I've had breakfast in bed.

Jax came in carrying the tray with my French toast, a glass of orange juice and a flower. I sat up with a smile, my heart feeling like it was about to burst with happiness. "What is that?" I couldn't help myself. Jax was the last person I thought I'd ever see strap a baby carrier around his torso. "Don't you dare laugh," he answered. "You're the one who bought it," he smiled, putting the tray down in front of me.

I leaned back against the headboard and laughed. "What?" he asked laughing.

"Nothing," I said. "You look great. Very badass." I burst out laughing again, Jax with Abel strapped to his chest and sulking, simply hilarious. A couple of seconds later Jax burst out laughing. A few moments later we stopped catching our breaths. I took a bite from my toast, watching as Jax took Abel out of the baby carrier and taking it off.

He put Abel on the bed beside me and took a seat at the end of the bed.

"You okay?" he asked a note of worry in his voice.

"Yes," I said taking a sip of orange juice. "Why."

"The last time we spoke it sounded like you weren't coming back." He looked saddened by the idea. I hated myself for putting him through that, he didn't deserve it. I smiled, making a promise to myself that I would make it up to Jax.

"Of course I'd come back. I have you and Abel."

Jax returned my smile, visibly relaxing. He leaned over and kissed me on the head.

"I love you," he whispered against my hair. My heart skipped a beat and I inhaled his scent. It smelled like Jax, aftershave with a hint of smoke. "I love you too," I said.

Jax moved back and our eyes met. There was pure love and adoration in his eyes as he looked at me. Damon was wrong. I could be happy here. Maybe happier than I've ever been. "Eat up," he said getting up. "We've got something to do." He took Abel and looked at me. "Don't look so scared," he laughed leaving he room.

I did as he instructed and ate my breakfast. When I was done I got up and jumped through the shower. I got dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, letting my hair down.

I pulled on a pair of leather heel boots and left the room.

I found Jax and Abel already dressed and ready to go in the living room.

"Beautiful as ever," he noted undressing me with his eyes.

My jeans fitted my ass perfectly, and the boots just complimented what my mamma gave me. "I am lucky in so many ways," he observed his eyes glued on my ass.

"Okay, on that note let's go before we spend the rest of the day in bed," I joked taking Abel from Jax. Jax tore his gaze from my ass that he once called perfection, gave me Abel and went to look for my car keys. We left the house and drove out of town and into the country side. "Where are we going," I asked no longer able to take the suspense. "You'll love it when we get there," he said taking my hand.

I held his hand with both of mine, and turned to look at Abel. His innocent eyes stared at me like he knew I was his mother. Tears welled up in my eyes and a lump formed in my throat, it wasn't because I was sad, it was because I was a mother.

I might not be the one that carried him for nine months, but I loved him like he was my own. I was a mother. That's what was important now.

A while later we pulled into a gravel road, one that would easily be missed if you didn't know what you were looking for. We drove another ten minutes or so before Jax started slowing down and finally coming to a standstill. I looked around at the acres of open land. It was simply beautiful. Green and open with just enough trees to offer enough shading. "What's this?" I asked my eyes fixated on the green scene in front of me. It reminded me of a place I once called home.

We got out and walked to the front of the car, taking in the miles of greenery that was laid out in front of us. "This is where we're getting married," he said.

My jaw dropped as I turned to look at him. Pure excitement took over and I jumped into Jax arms. He opened his arms and caught me, spinning me around.

Jax told me he had found us a venue, and I've put it on the invitation without ever coming out to see it myself. Jax had said that it was beautiful and that I'd love it, but I never had the time to actually drive out and judge it for myself.

I wrapped my hands around his neck and kissed him. He put me down and cupped my face, kissing back. I parted my lips and our tongues met doing the familiar lustful dance. A moment later we parted and Jax looked at me the way I've always wanted a man to look at me. With pure love and respect, like I was the only woman that mattered. "Let's go for a walk," Jax said leaning in and giving me a peck on the lips.

We went back around getting Abel from the car. I held Abel in my arms and closed the door. Jax came around with a picnic basket in hand. I took his free hand in mine and we set of to explore the ground. "How'd you manage this?" I asked curiously.

"I know the owner and he owes me a favor," he answered.

We found a good spot and Jax threw open a blanket and helped me sit down with Abel. "This is perfect," I breathed taking in the scene. It was exactly what I wanted.

I could already picture the chairs, the flowers, my dress and Jax's face as I walked down the aisle. I beamed at the image in my head.

"Ava?" Jax interrupted my vision. I looked at him that same goofy smile plastered on my face. "You're imagining yourself walking down the aisle, aren't you?" he said, contentedly. "Yes I am," I answered.


	40. Chapter Thirty Nine

**Chapter Thirty-Nine**

_**Wedding Fever**_

_**"Find light in the beautiful sea. I choose to be happy. You and I, you and I we're like diamonds in the sky..." ~ Rihanna **_

_**"Now my heart stumbles on things I don't know. My weakness I feel I must finally show...In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die. Where you invest your love, you invest your life..." ~ Mumford & Sons**_

_**"You're becoming a dream to me. Fairytale fantasy. Nothing can ever compare an image to my memory..." ~ Chris Brown**_

A month has passed since I've returned to Charming and I was buried under tasks for the wedding. The wedding was now only four months away. For months I was putting off most of the wedding planning, not really sure if this was what I really wanted. But coming back to Charming I realized that it was my only chance to have a normal life. That meant that there was so much to organize and not enough time. Or so it felt.

I also had Gemma offering her opinions and hankering to be the one planning the wedding. I needed the help, so I let her be in charge of catering and the flower arrangements. Between planning a wedding, being a surgeon, raising Abel and being an old lady, I was hardly able to fully relax. When I did have the odd moment to myself I still wasn't able to wind down, because I'd go over what still needed to be done for the wedding, and realize just how much time I've wasted.

And I still didn't have a wedding dress. Jax was sorted because he wasn't wearing a traditional tux, he was getting married in his cut. It was just the way the Club did things, or so I've been told. It was the same as a marine getting married in his uniform.

I on the other hand wasn't really sure what I was supposed to wear. Did I go for a traditional wedding dress, or something a little more modern and Club worthy.

When I asked Gemma about it she said that it was my decision and that I could go all out if I wanted to. It was after all my special day she said.

So, I flicked through wedding magazine after wedding magazine but still had no idea what to wear. I did however find perfect bridesmaids dresses. I asked Sasha to be my maid of honor and she happily accepted, and I asked Elena to be a bridesmaid.

Since I've left Mystic Falls Elena and I have been talking on the phone, a lot. At first it was about simple things like the wedding, and then we started talking about Stefan. She wanted to know how long we've know each other and who Stefan was.

Finally, I asked her to be a bridesmaid, and she said yes. I liked Elena, she was nice and I couldn't blame her for the fact that Damon fell in love with her. It wasn't her fault. She assured me that she loved Stefan and that's all I needed to know. Because if anyone needed someone to love him completely it was Stefan.

I only had a maid of honor and one bridesmaid, which meant that Jax could only have a best man and one groomsman. He chose Opie as his best man and Chibs as a groomsman. Jax, Sasha, Elena, Opie and Chibs were all ready for the big day, their outfits sorted. By month's end I had Sasha and Elena sorted with beautiful navy, crystal chiffon, one-shoulder dresses. The dresses had shirring around the bodice and stopped three inches above the knee.

The men were all going to wear black dress pants, with plain white dress shirts and their cuts. Gemma also had the catering sorted and the flower arrangements. White and blue roses were specially imported for the big day, no expenses spared. I was paying for most of the wedding, but Gemma and Clay paid for the food and alcohol. Jax and I also managed to decide on a white chocolate, two-tier cake with blue edible roses on top of the cake. Slowly it was all falling in place, but I still had lots to do.

"I have a surprise for you," Sasha said walking into the room. I was sitting on the coach, my feet tucked in underneath me, a glass of ice water in one hand and cardboard poster in front of me. There were sticky-notes everywhere. I had trouble finalizing the seating chart for the wedding. Who knew it could be so hard. I mean, there were no in laws, because I barely had any family or friends attending.

It was Jax's people that were difficult to place. There were too many variables I had to take in to consideration. "Unless it's a bottle of wine I'm not interested," I said looking up. Sasha sighed and rolled her eyes. "You have issues," she noted with her hands on her hips. I smiled and nodded. "Yes I have, many."

"My surprise is better than a bottle of wine," Sasha said excitedly clapping her hands.

"Whatever it is, make it quick. I'm about a minute away from seriously harming someone," I said exhausted. Sasha smiled and turned around. "This is just what you need," she exclaimed beckoning for someone to come into the room.

I could just imagine what Sasha had organized. I do hope that it was some wedding planning expert. I could really use one right about now. But the person that stepped into the room was better than the a wedding planner. It was the one person that could make me relax and function. Stefan walked into the room, his one hand stuffed into his pocket and the other holding a bag. I placed the glass of water down and pushed the cardboard poster to one side. I leapt up from the coach and ran to Stefan.

I threw myself at him and he caught me, hugging me tightly.

"What are you doing here?" I asked excitedly.

"Sasha gave me a call and told me that, if I wanted to save you from being bald on your wedding day, I had to get my ass down here," Stefan answered.

"God!" I breathed. "I can't tell you how happy I am that you're here."

Stefan put me down and I stepped away. "What the hell happened here?" Stefan chuckled, pulling something from my hair. It was one of the many discarded sticky-notes. They were scattered all over the living room.

"I need help," I groaned throwing my arms in the air.

"That's why I brought an extra pair of hands," he said. "I brought Elena along." Stefan looked over his shoulder as Elena stepped into the room.

"Hey," I said rushing over to give Elena a hug. Elena hugged me back, smiling.

"God, you're saving my life," I said hugging Elena again. Okay, fine I'll admit that I need help, and Sasha has been a miracle worker. But I needed more arms, ears and mouths. I knew Gemma would happily step in, but she had enough on her plate as it was. She's Clay's old lady which means she's busy sorting out Club shit so that I don't have to worry about unrest in the camp. There's been a lot of it lately I've been told by Donna, Opie's wife. "And mine," Sasha interjected from the sideline. Stefan had his arm around her shoulders, hugging her against his side.

Years ago, when Sasha was eighteen, she went into heart failure. She'd already had a heart transplant when she was only five, I had done it, and she was going to die. So, I begged Stefan to give me some of his blood that I mixed with my own.

I injected the concoction directly into her heart and ever since then she's never had any medical issues, not even the common cold. That is how Stefan and Sasha knew each other, and it's the same reason Sasha knows about vampires and every other supernatural being that was roaming the world.

"Yes," I laughed. "And Sasha's."

"Elena, Sasha. Sasha, Elena," I introduced the two.

"It's nice to put a face to the name," Elena said extending her hand.

"Same here," Sasha greeted taking Elena's hand and shaking it.

"You're breaking his heart you know," Stefan said from his seat on the other side of the changing area. I could hear him flip through a magazine, and by the frequency of each flip he found the magazine very boring. I looked at my reflection in the full-length mirror spinning around slowly, inspecting every angle of myself in the dress. "He broke my heart a long time ago," I replied pulling back the material that separated the changing room from the waiting area.

"What do you think?" I asked, slowly turning around letting Stefan have a good look. Stefan looked up from the magazine and studied the dress, his face told me that he didn't like it. "It's okay," he lied.

"Don't lie to me, it's horrible," I giggled. Stefan laughed nodding his head.

"He's trying, Ava," Stefan said not letting the subject drop.

"C'mon, Stefan," I begged. "It's too late. I'm getting married."

"Is this what you really want?" he asked.

"Yes. No. Maybe," I sighed. "I don't know what I want, okay."

"Ava you can't marry Jackson if you're not sure."

"With Damon it's like we fit. We are bonded in every sense of the word, he's a part of me." I sighed again and sat down in the ridiculous dress. "But, with Jax I feel like I've found the place where I belong. Jax and Abel are my family now."

I shook my head looking away. "But what does your heart want?" Stefan asked.

I snorted. My heart? The only thing my heart's feeling was shattered and glued together in hopes of healing. Whoever said time heals lied. Time doesn't heal it just makes you numb to the pain. If you live long enough with the heartache of your past then you just become numb. Being numb is comforting for while, but now and again some old memories surface and brings back the pain time was meant to heal.

The scars stay, there is no magic lotion or remedy that takes them away. A shattered heart stays cracked even after you picked up the pieces and put them back together. It's just the way it is, there is no changing it.

"My heart and mind wants me to stay with Jax, because it's safer. But my body wants me to stay with Damon because that's the missing piece."

"What's the difference?"

I got up and marched back to the changing room. "I'm getting married in four months and that's what I want," I said determinedly. "So, shut up and help me pick a freakin' dress." I shut the curtain and took off the dress.

"Why didn't you ask one of the girls to help you?" Stefan asked, going back to flipping through the magazine. "Because they don't know me like you do," I pointed out hanging the dress back on the hanger. "If only you knew," Stefan whispered.

If it wasn't for my supernatural hearing I'd have missed it. "What was that?" I asked.

"I said you're right," he replied chucking the magazine down on the table.

"Why don't you try on something simple but elegant?" I smiled to myself hanging the dress against the wall. I heard Stefan get up and heard his footsteps leave the room.

A few minutes later I heard him come back with a rustling.

"Here," he said sticking a dress into the changing room. "Try this one."

I took it from him, hanged it against the wall and studied it. It was simple and elegant. Simply beautiful. The dress was white with a satin jewel neckline and lace illusion overlay. It had floral details adorning the neckline and waist, and a scalloped lace hemline skirt. I took it off the hanger and put it on. I zipped it up and looked at myself in the mirror. The dress fit perfectly, the satin jewel neckline looking exquisite against my skin and the length was perfect. It came straight down with no train. It was simply perfect. It was wedding like, but not overly so. It was modern and classy.

I walked into the waiting area, holding my breath. This was the dress, I knew it. It was gorgeous. Stefan looked up and grinned from ear to ear. He got to his feet and strode over to where I stood. I turned around slowly letting him see all of it.

I came to a stop and saw that Stefan had tears in his eyes.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked concerned.

He shook his head his eyes sparkling. "You look breath-taking."

I smiled as Stefan took me in his arms. "Jax is one lucky man," he whispered against my hair. I smiled against his chest, happy and content.


	41. Chapter Forty

**Chapter Forty**

_**Old Times**_

_**"Oh you got a fire and it's burning in the rain. Thought that it went out, but it's burning just the same. And you don't look back, not for anything. 'Cause if you love someone, you love them all the same..." ~ The Fray**_

_**"Maybe it's the way you move. You got me dreaming like a fool. That I could steal your heart away,**_

_**I could steal your heart away. Stop tryin' to steal my heart away..." ~ Enrique Iglesias ft. Nicole Scherzinger**_

_**"I will be all that you want and get myself together, 'cause you keep me from falling apart...I thought that I had everything I didn't know what life could bring. But now I see honestly, you're the one thing I got right..." ~ Avril Lavigne**_

After a long day in surgery and two hours spent discussing the does and don'ts of heart transplants, to new residents, I was finally able to go home and kick off my shoes. I walked into the house just after sunset expecting to find nobody home. Instead as I entered the house the wonderful smell of food greeted me. I heard voices from the kitchen followed by laughter. I kicked off my heels and put my handbag down on the table by the door. I followed the voices and the smell of lasagna to the kitchen.

"Hey," I said walking into the kitchen. Stefan and Jax were both leaning against the counter each with a beer, and Elena sat at the table a glass of wine in front of her. "Hey babe," Jax greeted pushing away from the counter.

He walked over and gave me a peck on the cheek. Elena got up and got me a wine glass from the cupboard, pouring me a drink. "Look who's here," Jax smiled, looking over his shoulder. "Long day?" Stefan asked, taking a sip of beer.

"Everything that could go wrong did," I groaned going over to where Stefan stood, giving him a kiss on the cheek. I squeezed Elena's shoulder before taking a seat.

I pulled another chair closer and put my feet up. They were killing me, heels might make my ass look fabulous, but my feet paid dearly. I took a big swig of wine and sighed. "Where's Abel?"

"He's with Gemma and Clay."

"Oh okay," I said taking another sip of wine.

"Stefan was just telling us about your trip to a bar," Jax informed me with a cunning smile. I raised an eyebrow taking another sip of wine.

"This ought to be interesting," I said relaxing.

"Where was I," Stefan pondered looking directly at me. "So we stood there in the middle of the room, security everywhere, and without blinking Ava lifted her shirt and gave every man in the bar an image they'd never forget," Stefan said with a chuckle.

Jax and Elena burst out laughing, as Stefan and I looked at each other smiling.

I wasn't a teenager, per say, but I was pretending to be one. Stefan was telling them about the time we snuck into this VIP bar, during our night on the town, and caused havoc that resulted in Stefan almost getting arrested, because who'd want to arrest a face like mine. My quick thinking was to distract every man in the bar and the best way I could think of was to show them what the good Lord gave me.

It worked because Stefan snuck out again and I was allowed to leave without any consequences. It was one of the best nights I've had in my lifetime.

"Hey," I exclaimed. "In my defense I had a lot to drink."

"Still the best night of my life," Stefan chuckled taking a gulp of beer.

"What happened in the bar was supposed to stay in the bar," I pointed out with a smile. "It wasn't Vegas," Stefan countered. We all laughed more about the story, and Stefan continued to tell stories that Elena and Jax found absolutely hilarious.

The lasagna was ready and we sat down to eat. Elena and I topped up our wine glasses and Stefan and Jax got themselves another beer. "I have to tell them about the hair," Stefan said laughing. I looked up horrified. "No!" I gasped.

"Ava once tried to make flame grilled steak and managed to set her hair on fire," Stefan chortled, and I could see him replaying the event. He burst out laughing, tears welling up in his eyes. Jax and Elena laughed just as hard, and I couldn't help but join in. "It's not funny," I said through laugher. "I basically had to shave my head!"

"You're right," Jax laughed. "It's hilarious."

We spent the rest of the evening reminiscing, and I could see Jax and Elena both enjoyed it. They both appreciated the fact that they could get a glimpse of who Stefan and I were before we met them. After hours of laughter and a few drinks later we bid Stefan and Elena goodnight, and I could finally take the shower I've been longing for.

Instead of a shower Jax and I decided to take a bath together. I leaned back against Jax's chest, washing my leg. "I really like Stefan," Jax said taking the loofah from me, and rubbing soap onto it. I moved forward, giving Jax enough space to wash my back.

"I'm glad you do," I said feeling the stress leaving my body with each rub.

"So, Miss Winters," Jax said running the loofah down my back again. "How do you feel about becoming Mrs. Teller?" I smiled thinking it over. I've had so many names in the last few years, that it'd be nice to have just one. "I'm not sure if Ava Marie Teller works for me," I joked looking over my shoulder. "Oh really," Jax asked tickling me.

I screamed and nearly splashed half the water from the tub.

"How does Ava Marie Teller sound now?" Jax said laughing, still tickling me.

I leaned back against Jax's chest, laughing grabbing at Jax's hands.

"Okay, okay," I breathed. "Mrs. Teller sounds great!"

Jax stopped wrapping his arms around my shoulders. I rested my cheek against his arm and looked at Jax. "I love you," I said.

"I love you too," he replied kissing me.

_I woke up with a start my eyes snapping open, a gurgling sound escaping my lips. On top of me sat Damon his beast glaring at me, his weight crushing. Damon's eyes were black and menacing and his fangs were extended. He glared as he strangled me. __I couldn't breathe oxygen not reaching my lungs. I clawed at Damon's hands, my body pinned to the bed. Amidst my struggle with Damon, I searched for Jax out of the corner of my eye. His side of bed was empty, but there were no traces of blood. __The relief I felt was greater than the fear I had about dying. I opened my mind to listen to Abel, but there was nothing, not even a hum. Damon leaned in more, pulling me back to the situation at hand. He let go of my neck, oxygen rushing to my lungs. __I coughed, my lungs expanding painfully. Damon launched at my neck his teeth tearing my flesh. Hot blood ran across my skin and onto the bed sheets. __I let out an ear-splitting scream, kicking and fighting for my life._

My eyes snapped open and I sat up panting. I was sweaty and breathing heavily, fear gripping my heart. Arms wrapped around me making me jump. "It's me," a familiar voice whispered into my ear. I turned to look, meeting familiar blue eyes.

Jax pulled me into an embrace, stroking my hair. I breathed a sigh of relief, letting him hold me. My heart banged in my chest, my breathing erratic. I inhaled deeply and exhaled, trying to get myself to calm down. "I'm sorry," I said after a moment or two, pulling away from Jax. He took my face in his hands, looking me in the eye.

"What's going on?" he asked worry written all over his face.

I closed my eyes, taking a couple of minutes to calm my nerves. It was the longest two minutes of my life. What was I suppose to tell Jax. Lies always comes back to bite you in the ass. Do I take the chance and lie to Jax, or do I tell him the truth?

Oh, who was I kidding? I could never tell Jax the truth about me or about Damon.

The world's crazy enough without adding to it by revealing that there's a whole other world out there. No, I couldn't tell Jax. In a few months I'd be mortal again. I can then grow old with Jax and have a family. "Are you in trouble?" Jax asked suddenly, yanking me back to the present. I opened my eyes meeting his, a hint of anger behind Jax's gaze. I shook my head wiping my eyes, and pulled away from Jax.

I have to tell him something. It had to be a story he'd believe, and that explained my recent behavior. "No!" I said, looking slightly appalled.

"Then what the hell is going on?"

"I don't know," I said exasperated. "Maybe it's the stress of the wedding."

"Why?" Jax interrupted, looking alarmed.

"I just worry about you. About Abel. About us" I said slowly, not wanting to spook Jax more.

"I don't understand," he said.

"I keep having these dreams. I know they mean nothing, but they're bothering me." I took a deep breath, hating that I have to lie to Jax.

Why couldn't Damon just leave me alone. These dreams aren't just dreams. They're Damon inflicting misery. I thought he'd leave me alone, but with the wedding getting closer the dreams started again. They were a constant reminder about my past. A past I might never be able to escape from. Once I'm mortal it should all end.

The dreams, the threat that The Assembly might find me, everything would just be normal. Or at least that's what I was hoping for.

"I keep seeing you die and there's nothing I can do about it."

"I will never leave you or Abel," Jax said earnestly. I gave him a weary smile. He had good intentions, but I knew that he couldn't promise that.

"Not intentionally," he amended seeing the doubt in my eyes.

"You better not go anywhere, or I swear I will make sure you never get any peace," I replied, leaning in to kiss Jax. Jax smiled into the kiss, his hands running through my hair. I laid back in Jax's arms, closing my eyes. But sleep evaded me and I was kept awake by the same questions that's been bothering me. These questions came from something Damon and Stefan said. When I left Mystic Falls Damon said that if he could go back to before he joined the army then he would have settled down with me.

I didn't even know the Damon that joined the army. I didn't meet him until years after. For a brief moment I almost convinced myself that deep in my memory there was an image of where I did know him before he joined the army. But then reality squashed that hope and I was reminded of the first night we met and how it ended.

That wasn't the only thing that bothered me. Stefan also said something that made me think that maybe the images I had of another lifetime where I did know Damon before he joined the army might be real. When I said to Stefan that nobody knew me the way he did, he said if I only I knew. But it was impossible. I wasn't anywhere near Mystic Falls when Damon joined the army. I was away with my parents.

Even so, I couldn't shake the feeling that Damon and Stefan knew something that I didn't. The question now was did I want to know.


	42. Chapter Forty One

**Chapter Forty-One**

_**When All Is Well**_

"_**You make me shine inside my insides. Feel like butterflies. I like you. You're the one for me..." ~ Zowie**_

"_**Before you met me I was alright but things were kinda heavy. You brought me to life..." ~ Katy Perry**_

"_**Give me an evening, or give me a night. I'll show you the time, of your life. I'll walk you home safe, from the dark. I'll give you my jacket, I'll give you my heart..." ~ Scouting For Girls**_

I sat by the kitchen counter with Abel on my lap, watching Gemma restock the fridge. Gemma had knocked on the door, with a bag full of groceries, a few minutes ago.

I have learned to not question Gemma, once she had her mind set she didn't budge. We hardly needed her to buy us food, but she was a mother and she worried.

I was feeling a bit sick the last day or so, and Gemma decided that she would take care of the household while I recovered. It was the way of the Club. We were all family, and we looked after one another. Something I admired in Gemma and Clay.

They managed to make everyone feel like they belonged, no matter what the situation.

"I thought we could have a family meal on Saturday," Gemma said closing the fridge door, crumpling the brown paper bag and throwing it in the trash.

Gemma's been talking about how we haven't had a meal like a proper family for a while now, and how it'll be good for the Club members to get together and remember why it was that they were brothers. I have to agree with her, Club morality was rather low, tension building between the Club members. Abel looked up from the mess he was making on the counter with his milk, meeting my gaze. He nodded like he was the one making decisions. I smiled giving him a nod. "Sounds good, what can we bring?"

"That salad everyone loves," she said turning to face me and Abel. She gave Abel a smile, as he slapped his hands down on the counter making a splash.

He suddenly flexed, his body going rigid. It was Abel's way of telling me that he wanted to be let down so he could crawl. I put Abel down and watched him as he crawled around to where Gemma stood. Gemma and I exchanged a knowing look, unable to stop ourselves from grinning. Abel turned around and crawled back to where I sat. "You're good to that boy," Gemma observed, her gaze still on Abel as he crawled around the kitchen floor. "I do my best," I said.

I would move heaven and earth for Abel, and I made no secret of it.

"Those two boys absolutely adore you." Gemma was referring to Jax and Abel.

I never quite know how to respond to those kind of remarks. I was so thankful that Gemma liked me, without her approval I would have had hell on earth with the Club and the rest of the town. It meant a lot to me to know that Gemma supported my relationship with Jax. I nodded with a genuine smile, getting up from the stool, wiping the milk from the surface with a wet cloth Gemma handed me.

"How are you feeling?" Gemma asked. I ran my fingers through my hair, doing a mental check. "Better," I answered. It must have been a twenty-four-hour bug, because all the symptoms I had yesterday seemed to have gone. "Jax looked worried when he dropped Abel off yesterday, said you were feverish and nauseous."  
"I must've got something from the hospital."

"You sure? You're still looking a bit green."

"It'll pass," I assured Gemma. She looked at me with concern. She seemed to think that there was more to my being ill than I was letting on. "Alright, but do take something for the nausea," she mothered walking out of the kitchen.

"I will," I promised picking Abel up from the floor, and followed Gemma to the door.

"So I'll see you on Saturday?" she asked stepping out onto the porch. "Of course."

We exchanged smiles and Gemma walked down the driveway towards her car.

I watched as she pulled away, waving from where I stood. I put Abel in his crib in the living room when my stomach turned and I ran for the bathroom. Damn stomach bug, had me on the bathroom floor all of yesterday. I had taken the day off, not really foreseeing myself getting up from the floor. Not that I complained, the coldness of the floor felt more than great on my hot skin. I emptied the contents of my stomach.

I got a piece of toilet paper wiping my mouth, flushing the toilet. I got up and headed to the sink rinsing my mouth out with mouthwash, getting rid of the foul taste.

It was another beautiful Saturday in Charming, the town baking in the rays of the sun.

It's the kind of day that had girls pull out their shorts and tank-tops, and guys walk around shirtless. It gave me a reason to wear the cute new white summer dress I bought. I parked behind Gemma's car, Jax pulling up beside me on his motorcycle. It was the traditional Morrow-Teller barbeque. Every Club member was invited, the whole family getting together for a much needed morality boost. It also gave me a chance to catch up with everyone else. It's been weeks since we've done this.

Abel slapped his hand against the window, trying to get Jax's attention. Jax gave his son a warm smile, opening the back door. Jax took Abel out of his car seat, bouncing him on his hip both boys laughing. He opened my door for me, his laughter vibrating through me, filling me with warmness. It's been too long since Jax laughed.

I climbed out already in a much better mood. Jax closed the door behind me, just as Alex pulled up behind us. "Hello sweetheart," Alex greeted me getting off his motorcycle. "Hey Alex," I replied with a smile. He gave me a kiss on the cheek, wrapping his arm around my waist. He shook Jax's hand in greeting, steering me towards the house. I threw Jax my keys, letting him get the salad from the back seat, and lock the car. "You keep your hand off her ass," Jax called after us, jokingly.

"I were told that sharing is caring," Alex called back, and like clockwork his hand grabbed my ass cheek and squeezed it. I laughed, reacting to the grabbing of my ass like it was the most usual thing. With Alex it was. He, like many of the other Club members, was a real womanizer. We walked into the house Alex taking his hand off my ass, leaving my side. Gemma came over with a smile, accepted a kiss from Alex, before walking straight up to me.

She planted a kiss on my cheek with a warm smile. She was in her element, happily taking on the mother role, hosting and looking after her family. "He's barely here and already he's got everyone's attention," Gemma said, looking over her shoulder. Alex was standing beside Clay, making the other guys laugh with his witty comments. Just another reason I valued the friendship of the Club and its members. No matter how hard it got, the Club always had your back.

Especially Alex. Ever since Jax and I started seeing each other, Alex and I developed a friendship. When Jax asked me to marry him, Alex was livid. He pleaded with me not to proceed with the relationship, said I would never be safe. I respected Alex for being so protective, but as I pointed out to both him and Sasha, it was my life.

Jax walked in with Abel and everyone was captivated by his charm and innocence.

I chuckled shaking my head, amused at how easily these tough men were captured by Abel's presence. I guess, to them he is still a little miracle.

Jax kissed his mother on the cheek, his eyes were alive, his happiness radiant.

It was nice to see Jax so happy again. He handed me the salad, and handed Gemma Abel before he went to join the rest of the members. Clay was there a second later and took Abel from Gemma. I followed Gemma into the kitchen, giving her hand with the food. When the food was done, everyone gave a helping hand in setting up the table, and settling down to eat. I looked around the table, filled with happiness.

This is what it all came down to. No matter how hard I tried to not get involved with Jax, or get attached to this family, I still did. For the first time in years I was truly part of a family, something I never thought I wanted. Looking around the table I saw how happy Jax was. Everyone were smiling and laughing, just enjoying themselves.

Kids were in the living room eating and watching some funny cartoon. Adults were sitting around the table, laughing and talking, passing around food and alcohol.

For a brief moment there were no Club troubles, no Damon, no drama. It was all perfect. Jax poured me a glass of wine, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"You're glowing," he whispered. I turned and touched Jax's cheek with the palm of my hand, resting my forehead against his. "You make me happy," I said with a bright chirpy smile. Jax leaned in and gave me a kiss that let butterflies loose in my stomach.

There were a couple of hollers around the table, making blood rush to my cheeks.

I don't blush easily, but for some reason around the Club members I did.

We both laughed turning our attention back to the table of people. Gemma gave me an approving nod, obviously enjoying the fact that Jax and I were on track and happy.


	43. Chapter Forty Two

**Chapter Forty-Two**

_**The Big Day**_

_**"Really too late to call, so we wait for; morning to wake you. Is all we got. To know me as hardly golden. Is to know me all wrong, they warn..." ~ Band of Horses**_

_**"Death ain't nuthin but a heartbeat away. I'm livin life do-or-die-a, what can I say?...Tell me why are we, so blind to see that the ones we hurt, are you and me..." ~ Coolio**_

_**"Til everything burns. While everyone screams. Burning their lies. Burning my dreams. All of this hate and all of this pain. I'll burn it all down, as my anger reigns. Til everything burns..." ~ Ben Moody feat. Anastacia**_

I watched as Ava looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror smiling to herself. She was simply glowing. I openly stared at her as she washed her face, her beauty mesmerizing. "Hello gorgeous," I said walking up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist. She quickly dried her face and turned around planting her lips on mine. The kiss intensified and it was like magic. I loved this woman, and it was obvious whenever I was near her. The last two months have been simply amazing. Every day spent with Ava just reminded me of how lucky I was that she agreed to become my wife.

"I've missed you so much," she said when we pulled away for some air.

"I've been gone two days," I observed.

"That was way too long," she said planting her lips on mine again. The air was thick with buildup tension, lust the main cause for the friction. Ava pulled away from me and untangled herself from me.

"Not tonight babe," she teased shaking my head. "It's tradition that the bride and groom not spend the night together before the wedding," she reminded me, giving me her most brilliant smile. That made my blood boil and my mind travel to places that would stop me from leaving here tonight. Ava turned around and walked away swaying her ass. That broke me. I caught up with her and grabbed her wrist, spun her around and kissed her with so much passion I almost combusted.

How could one woman have such an effect on me.

"An hour or two won't matter," I said between fiery kisses. I shoved her against the wall and kissed her. It was a raw passionate kiss. It was like a breath of air after years of being left without oxygen. Ava grabbed my hair, holding on, taking control of the kiss. My hands gripped her ass and she wrapped her legs around my waist, deepening the kiss. I was overwhelmed with lust, a hunger growing inside me. I spun around and slammed her down on the bed, and started undressing.

Ava followed my lead and took off the t-shirt and thong she wore. We spent most of the night making love and told each other what we loved about the other. A few hours before dawn I kissed her goodnight and left her with an after sex glow.

I got ready for the big day, getting dressed in my freshly ironed dress pants and dress shirt, rolling up my sleeve. I was getting married, again. This time it felt different.

I loved Ava, and I couldn't have asked for a better mother for Abel. Together we weren't perfect, but what relationship was? I look at Ava and I see my future with her.

She was kind, caring, giving and dangerous. She didn't look it but she could seriously injure someone if they wronged her in any way. That's one of the many reasons I love her. Even my mother, who's a hard woman to please, gave us her blessing.

My mother told me to make an honest woman out of Ava and treat her right. She also said that Ava was a woman worth keeping around, and that I'd be a fool if I let her slip from my grasp. Who was I to say no to that. A few weeks later I proposed.

So, here we were. I was only an hour away from making Ava my wife.

"You wanted to see me," Alex said coming into the room.

I turned around rolling up the other sleeve. "I want you to make sure Ava gets to the venue," I said slipping on my cuts. Alex nodded and left the room without a word.

There's been some unrest between SAMCRO and another rival club. I've had Half-Sack and Alex keep an eye on Ava and Abel, but with most of the members already at the venue and only a handful in town, I was worried. I knew Stefan would keep Ava safe, but he had no way of protecting her when there were guns involved.

That's why I needed Alex to make sure Ava got to the venue where we could better protect each other. And Ava trusts Alex, so she won't suspect anything if he showed up at the house. She'd put it down to him being overprotective.

I put on my shoes just as Opie and Chibs came into the room.

"Jackie boy," Chibs said walking in to the room with a grin.

"Ready?" Opie asked with a grin to match Chibs. They were obviously discussing something very funny before they came in. "Ready," I replied smiling from ear to ear.

"You lucky bastard," Opie laughed grabbing me around the shoulders.

"Then let's go," Chibs said leading the way to our motorcycles.

We got on, put on our helmets, and left. We did a lap around the block before heading to the grounds where my wedding was about to take place. We zipped around cars with me leading the way and Opie and Chibs flanking me. I thought I'd be nervous when the day finally arrived, but instead I felt relaxed. I was truly happy.

I was smiling all the way to the venue. Once there I got off my bike and made my way to the front of the make shift alter. The place looked absolutely spectacular. Ava, my mother and the girls did a great job. The spot where we were exchanging our vows were in a section with trees that offered some relief from the hot sun.

On the ground was a long white carpet covered with blue and white rose petals. The chairs were divided in to two groups each with twenty seats. The alter was a small stage that was beautifully decorated with white roses, and an arch that was decked out with green vines. The place was striking and serene. It had Ava written all over it.

Even the back of the chairs were decorated with white satin and blue roses.

I made my way down the aisle towards the front, where Dave - Sasha's tall and slender husband - stood. Dave got ordained for the occasion. Ava wasn't really a religious person and jumped at the suggestion when Dave said he'd marry us.

I was hugged by the members of the Club, friends and family. I made small talk until Opie told me that it was time. "Ava should be arriving any minute now," Opie said slapping my shoulder. I nodded and left for the alter. Everyone took their places.

Opie and Chibs took their places next to me on the ground, everyone waiting for the bride to arrive. My eye caught Sasha and Elena getting in to their positions, looking stunning in blue. Stefan stood a couple of meters away, ready to help Ava out of the car once it pulled in. Stefan caught my eye and nodded. I responded with a nod and stuffed my hands in my pockets. We waited for what felt like forever.

"What is keeping her?" I asked after about fifteen minutes.

"She'll be here," Opie assured me, but I could see he was worried. Ava was meant to be here by now. Stefan and I exchanged an anxious look, both seeming to be worried.

Stefan nodded and pulled out his phone, sensing my need to be reassured that all was well. My heart was racing and my palms were sweating. Something was wrong.

I could feel it in my bones. Stefan turned back and shook his head.

"Something's wrong," I said now really worried. "I can feel it."

"Alex's with her," Chibs said with a forced smile. We were all tense, all of us sensing that something wasn't right. Just as I was about to leave my place at the altar, Alex's motorcycle roared in the distance. By the speed he entered I knew there was trouble.

I left my place at the altar and ran to where Alex parked. I reached him as he got off and put his helmet on his motorcycle handle. His hands were covered in blood.

"Where is she?" I demanded.

"I don't know," he answered visibly shaking. "There's blood everywhere, Jax."

My whole world came crashing down around me. "Where is she?" I yelled.

"I got there and the front door was open and when I got inside I saw the mess and the blood," Alex said tears in his eyes. It was the first time in years I saw Alex on the verge of tears. The world disappeared around me. All I could think about was Ava who was hurt and probably scared to death. I found myself in front of Ava's house with no recollection of how I got there. I jumped off my motorcycle and threw my helmet on the ground. I rushed in to the house and saw the mess.

There was broken glass and trampled flowers scattered around the place, the evidence of broken vases. The sofa was ripped, an arm chair and a coffee table turned over.

All I could think of was that Ava fought back. From the corner of my eye I saw blood splatter on the wall and a blood stain on the carpet. There was a lot of blood.

Amongst the mess was Ava's veil. It was stained with blood. I picked it up sitting down on the ripped sofa.


	44. Chapter Forty Three

**Chapter Forty-Three**

_**Lost and Found**_

_**"You say I took the name in vain. I don't even know the name. But if I did, well, really, what's it to you? There's a blaze of light in every word. It doesn't matter which you heard the holy or the broken Hallelujah..." ~ Leonard Cohen**_

_**"It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't. It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed. Some prayers find an answer. Some prayers never know. We're holding on and letting go..." ~ Ross Copperman**_

_**"Pink flowers and bows, is all you should know, and summer days. Cuz all that you are is beautiful child, but they'll never know, they'll never know..." ~ Ross Copperman**_

_Stefan's Point of View_

Ava's been missing two days. There was nothing in the house to indicate what had happened to her. Jackson and I both went over every inch of the house and found nothing. Jackson and the Club were out trying to find any leads to tell us who took her and why.

I got the feeling that Jackson had an idea what had happened to her, but he wasn't telling me anything. I stared at the pool of blood on the carpet consumed by fear. "Where is she?" Damon demanded his presence unmistakable.

He was furious and scared. Something I never thought I'd see from him. I've seen Damon furious before, but never so scared. "We don't know," I answered truthfully.

"This is exactly what I warned her about. Exactly what I was afraid of," he said coming to a stand next to me. His eyes settled on the blood stain and his beast surfaced. Not from hunger but from anger. "Why didn't you call me?" Damon asked turning to look at me. His beast retreated leaving behind the man that loves Ava.

"Because I didn't want you to do something stupid," I said honestly.

Damon seemed to accept my reason and looked at the stain again.

"We need to find her," Damon said.

"I'm trying, but there's nothing to go on."

"It's been two days Stefan. What do they want?"

"I don't know, but it's definitely not the Keepers."

"So, Jackson's lifestyle finally caught up with her?"

"It looks like it."

"This was exactly what I was afraid of," Damon repeated shaking his head.

We stood in silence, both occupied with the worst case scenario. Ava could be dead.

Immortal or not she could still die. I just wished I hadn't left her alone. I shouldn't have let her convince me to go to the venue without her. I should've protected her.

"It's not your fault," Damon said pulling me from my thoughts.

I was surprised to hear those words coming from his lips and they sounded so sincere.

"Yeah it is, because I left her alone," I said.

Jackson pulled into the driveway and I turned towards Damon.

"Don't attack the human," I warned as Jackson approached the house.

Damon turned towards the door as Jackson entered. He looked scruffy and tired.

It was apparent that he had had no sleep since Ava's gone missing. I felt sorry for the poor man. He and Ava was meant to be married, and what should've been the best day of their lives turned into something tragic. "Anything?" I asked as Jackson looked around the house. He was hoping to spot something that we might've missed, but there was nothing to be found because we've already checked three times.

"We thought we had something, but it was a dead end," he said his eyes taking in every inch of the living room. I could sense Damon physically holding in the urge to tear Jackson apart. I stepped between Damon and Jackson not wanting Damon to kill the man Ava loved. We had enough on our plates as it was, there was no space for more drama. "What can we do?" I asked. Jackson shook his head and left without so much as a word. I watched him leave feeling helpless.

Jackson stopped in his tracks on the porch as tires squealed and a van came to a stop. Damon and I rushed to the door just as the van door opened and two masked men pushed a bleeding and bruised Ava from the van. The van door closed and sped down the street. Jackson jumped on his motorcycle following the van. Damon and I rushed towards where Ava laid on the ground. She was barely breathing. Damon was on his knees gathering Ava into his arms. He picked her up and carried her inside.

Her wedding dress was ripped and blood stained. Her face was unrecognizable.

She was a mess. Damon got in the shower and sat down with Ava in his lap and undressed her. I helped him take off the dress and clean her bruised and battered body. She still had on her underwear. There was blood everywhere and she barely had a heartbeat. We got to her back and we both stopped what we were doing and stared at her back. Carved in to her flesh were the words _you're next_.

Damon was the first to regain his composure and cleaned her back. I left Damon to undress her completely and wash away all the blood.

I handed Damon a towel, and clean underwear and t-shirt. Damon carried Ava into the room a few minutes later and laid her down on the bed. We exchanged worried looks, her pulse weak and her breathing labored.

_Damon's Point of View_

Time ticked by slowly, Ava's heart beat slowing down with each passing second. Sasha came running into the room, and stopped in her tracks. She put her black bag down and stared at Ava's battered body. She burst into tears, sitting down on her heels. I gave her moment, before I cleared my throat.

"Oh," she said wiping her eyes. "Stefan called me."

"Sorry, I should've done it," I said getting up. She looked at me her big green eyes alight with fury and resentment. Sasha and Ava were really close, so it goes without saying that she'd be upset because I hurt her friend. Sasha noticed me studying her and turned back toward Ava. She picked up her doctor's bag, at least that's what I thought it was, and walked over to where Ava laid. She put the bag down by Ava's feet and opened it. It was indeed her doctor's bag. She took out her stethoscope and began her examination. I got out of the way, letting Sasha do her job.

I watched as she carried out her examination and clean Ava's wounds with disinfection. "Her back too," I said when she finished the front. "Can you lift her?" she asked getting to her feet. I nodded and went over to help Sasha lift Ava. I flipped Ava gently on her side, and Sasha lifted her shirt and closed her eyes.

"I told her," she said fresh tears glistening in her eyes. "I warned her that this might happen." I saw the pain in Sasha's eyes, and knew that something was wrong.

Sasha cleaned the wounds, and nodded. I laid Ava down again and covered her body with a blanket. I got to my feet and looked at Sasha.

"It's not good," she said putting away her things.

"But she'll be okay?" I asked, the desperation in my voice undeniable.

"She's dying, Damon," Sasha said defeated.

"What do you mean she's dying?" I said looking at Ava. "She's suppose to heal!"

"She's too weak, her body is broken."

"Then fix it," I demanded.

"I can't fix it, her body is too badly damaged," Sasha said her anguish evident.

She was losing her best friend. Sasha was losing the one person she could rely on.

I shook my head not ready to believe that Ava's dying.

"I drained her blood, and she healed! So why isn't her body doing the same now?"

"It's not a matter of pumping blood to her brain, it's about healing what we can't see. There's too much damage to her organs."

"You have to do something."

"There's nothing I can do, Damon." She touched my shoulder, trying to comfort me.

I didn't need her to comfort me. I needed Sasha to safe Ava.

"Don't say that!" I snapped. "It's not meant to be this way!"

"You think this is what I want?" Sasha asked angrily. "None of us want this."

"You blame me for this?" I said looking at Sasha. It was clear that she did. It was written all over her face. "All of this is your fault!" she whispered angrily, glaring at me. "You!" she said poking me in the chest. "You just had to love her! You fell in love with a psychopath and a school girl, but you couldn't fall in love with the one person that's always managed to love you! You're an ignorant ass!" Sasha took a deep breath in an attempt to reign in her anger. Sasha was right. All of this was my fault. Every single decision I made has effected Ava in some way. I just had to choose her.

"No," Sasha said breaking the silence. "I blame whoever did _this_."

Sasha dropped her gaze and took a deep breath. She looked up and met my gaze.

"She just can't survive this. She's exhausted, Damon."

"Then it'll all be for nothing," I said softly, more to myself than to Sasha.

"This is not how it's supposed to end," I repeated sitting down next to Ava, and taking her hand. "I don't know what you want from me," Sasha said picking up her bag, getting ready to leave. Sasha took two steps and then stopped. She turned around and looked at me with interest, like she just thought of something.

"How did you help her in 2002?" she asked.

"I gave her my blood," I answered.

"Then do it again," she said putting her bag down.

"No," I said shaking my head. "The last time I gave her my blood she became violently ill!" I looked at Ava contemplating whether I should give her my blood. But thought better of it. "Her body will only reject it."

"It'll be enough to help speed up the healing."

"Or she could die and turn."

"It could save her life, you owe her that."

"No," I insisted, shaking my head. Sasha glared at me picked up her bag and left.

I put her hand against my mouth and closed my eyes. I heard footsteps and looked up. Sasha was smiling, her eyes screaming that she might have a way to safe Ava.

"If you don't want to give her your blood, then tell her to stop."

"What?"

"You're the only one with power here, Damon," she said looking at me with pleading eyes. "Ask her, no _tell _her to fight." With that she turned around and left the room again. What the hell did that even mean? If I could I would safe Ava, but I couldn't.

So, I waited in pure agony for the end to come. I prayed that it wouldn't.

But Ava herself once said that she's still only human. I sat by her side, waiting.

She had to pull through. There was no other way. Jackson walked in, stopping in his tracks by the door, taking in the image of Ava laying on the bed. The blood drained from his face, his heart rate speeding up with fear and anger. He strode to her side, taking her hand in his. He leaned forward, kissing the top of her head, lingering there for a moment. He breathed in her scent, not caring that her face was disfigured beyond recognition. His love for Ava was unmistakable. He sat down, resolved to stay by her side for however long he had to. Jackson's mother popped in and gasped at the sight of Ava. She covered her mouth, tearing her gaze from Ava and met her son's. They shared a look of concern, both shocked at the state Ava was in.

They both feared for her life. It was very obvious that Ava meant a lot to Jackson and his family. They all loved her. "Can I get you anything?" Gemma asked. Her question wasn't directed at anyone in particular. Both Jackson and I shook our heads in response. The two of us sat in silence beside Ava, listening to the clock ticking. Almost an hour passed by without so much as a word being said.

Ava's chest was rising and falling, her breathing labored. "She doesn't believe in anything," I said breaking the silence. I felt so helpless, as I waited for Ava to come back to us. For now we just had to wait. Jackson stared at Ava shaking his head.

I didn't know whether it was to my statement, or because he wasn't sure what had happened the last few days. I could see why he was confused. "She believed in me," Jackson said tearing his gaze away from Ava, looking out of the window. He had that haunted look in his eyes, one I was very familiar with. "She believes in me," he said again, this time looking me straight in the eye.

"You and your boy means more to her than anything else in this world. If she's fighting then it's for your family," I told him honestly.

"But she's not, is she?" he asked, pained. It was my turn to shake my head.

"I don't know." That was the truth. I had no idea what was happening with Ava.

We sat in silence again after that, both occupied with our own thoughts. Jackson sat back in his seat, crossing his arms over his head. A sign that he was tired.

I hardly knew the guy, but I felt bad for him. He was sitting here by Ava's side in good faith. "You can't help but fall in love with her," I said after almost an hour of silence. "You tell yourself that falling in love is the last thing you need, but before you know it you love her. I don't know what it is about her that makes it impossible to walk away." Jackson looked at me, thinking about what I had just said.

I could see the answer to the question forming. He looked at Ava, a hint of a smile on his lips. "It's because her love is pure." He met my gaze, his love for Ava radiating off him. "It doesn't matter who or what you are, her love never falters."

I nodded, feeling no need to respond. I didn't think Jackson knew just how true his statement really was. To Ava it didn't matter who or what you were, in her heart she knew whether you were worthy of being loved. We sat in silence once again, our attention on Ava. Minutes passed the silence getting to Jackson. He stood up, stretched and left the room. I sat forward in my chair rubbing my face. I wasn't ready to lose her, not to death or to Jackson. Stefan and Lucinda was right; if I was going to get her back I was going to have to fight for her. I took her hand in mine, squeezing it lightly. I stroked her hair with my other hand, taking in her beauty. Even laying here pale and weak she was beautiful. "I'm here, and I will never leave your side again," I promised in a whisper. "I'm here," I pleaded desperately, willing Ava to wake up.

Ava's heart rate slowed a sign that she wasn't getting better. Desperate I clutched her hand tightly in mine. "Avalon Victoria Harvey," I whispered sternly. I leaned in close, my mouth a couple of inches from her ear. "I don't want to piss you off, but if you don't come back to me you will leave me _no_ other choice." I stroked her hair, letting my head rest against her cheek. "I will feed you my blood if that means saving your life." Tears rolled down my cheeks, the fear of losing Ava too much to bear.

"Please," I begged in a murmur, kissing her lips. Footsteps approaching pulled me away from Ava. I sat back in my seat, quickly getting rid of the tears. Jackson walked in a few seconds later with two cold beers. He handed me one and I left him with her, needing a moment to myself.


	45. Chapter Forty Four

**Chapter Forty-Four**

_**You Can't Save Me**_

_**"Oh, you can't hear me cry. See my dreams all die. From where you're standing on your own. It's so quiet here and I feel so cold..." ~ Ben Cocks**_

_**"As reason clouds my eyes, with splendor fading. Illusions of the sunlight. And a reflection of a lie, will keep me waiting. With love gone, for so long..." ~ Trading Yesterday**_

_**"...and all this devotion was rushing out of me. In the crushes of heaven for a sinner like me. But the arms of the ocean delivered me, and it's over. And I'm going under. But I'm not giving up I'm just giving in..." ~ Florence + The Machine**_

I walked in and saw Jackson sitting in the chair by Ava's side. He was fast asleep. I walked over to him and gently woke him.

"Why don't you go get something to eat?" I said. "I'll sit with her." Jackson nodded and got up.

"Thanks," he said leaning down kissing her forehead. I watched Jackson leave, again finding myself feeling sorry for the man. He's been at her side constantly, too afraid to leave. He couldn't understand why she wasn't in the hospital. Sasha told him that it didn't matter where she was the prognosis would still be the same. Sasha, Stefan and I managed to borrow some equipment from the hospital, which meant Ava was getting the same level of care as she would in a hospital.

I sat down on the empty chair and took Ava's hand in mine. I tried again to find a way in to her head, a way to help her heal. It's been hard and I've been unsuccessful. Even on her death bed Ava guarded her mind.

I closed my eyes pushing harder. My body jerked as I felt the wall she had in place lift. I opened my eyes the moonlight the only source of light in the endless darkness.

I looked around, the place unfamiliar. My eyes rest on a lone park bench that was situated in the middle of nowhere. There's nothing around it. Not a tree, not a path, just oblivion. On the park bench sat Ava staring off into the distance. I took a moment to take in her beauty. She looked at peace, a smile playing on her lips.

I walked towards her and took a seat next to her. We sat in silence for a moment, a sense of calmness settling over us. I looked around searching for anything that might give me a clue of where we are. But there was none.

"It's peaceful here, isn't it?" she asked quietly, still staring straight ahead.

"Yes it is," I answered.

"You're wondering where we are?" I couldn't help but smile. Ava knew me too well. Years of spending her time in my company would do that. I nodded, turning in my seat to face her. "You've finally broken through the walls," she said facing me.

Her eyes were an emerald green. The greenest I've ever seen them.

"So, this is where you go to find peace?"

"For a long time you sat on this bench."

"What was I doing?" Ava laughed shaking her head and looked away.

"You were being you," she chuckled with amusement. We lapsed into silence again, but it felt good. It was a content silence. The kind of silence you got from being perfectly at peace. It dawned on me that I only experienced such moments of comfortable silence when I was around Ava. She calmed the demons within me.

Ava reached out taking my hand in hers, squeezing it lightly.

"I wanna show you something," she said softly. She turned back, our eyes locking. She gave me a faint smile, her eyes twinkling in the moonlight.

"What is it?" I said. She took my hand placing it on her chest, her heart beating steadily underneath my palm. "Close your eyes," she whispered leaning in closer.

I did what she said, closing my eyes as she rested her forehead against mine.

I felt Ava's thoughts enter mine. I wanted to jerk away, but the pain soon subsided letting in a sense of joy. It took me a moment to realize that Ava wasn't sharing her thoughts with me. She was replaying memories. They felt so real like the memories portrayed were my very own. I saw Ava standing in a small room, looking out the only window, her back turned to me. Her hair was a curtain of healthy dark curls down her back. She stood barefoot and dressed in a striking green dress.

As if hearing a noise she turned around, her beauty awe-inspiring. My eyes were glued to her face as I took in every little detail of her flawless features. Her eyes were an emerald green and her skin a magnificent gold. She looked healthier than I've ever seen her. I took in the rest of her and stopped. My eyes were drawn to the one thing that was different. Ava's swollen belly. She was pregnant.

She looked absolutely beautiful. That doesn't even come close to expressing just how breathtakingly beautiful Ava was. I stared unable to take my eyes off her. Ava suddenly smiled, feeling her belly, looking down. Ava filled in what I'd missed.

_She kicked!_ Ava whispered. I felt myself laugh almost like the memory was my own.

I got one more glimpse of Ava before the memory faded into another. Ava was sitting in a bed disheveled and tired. She was handed the baby and her eyes welled up with tears. I saw the baby and fell in love. It was ridiculous how easy it was to fall in love with a baby that I didn't even know, and only met as an adult.

But I knew that she was mine. That we shared DNA. I saw Ava in her, but I also saw myself in her. I felt a tear slip down my cheek, as I gazed into my daughter's eyes.

I opened my eyes and pulled away, needing a moment to gather my thoughts. I had a daughter. I looked at Ava, her beautiful green eyes swimming with tears, one lonesome tear escaping. And like that it all came rushing back. I barely had a minute to be happy before reality set in. Ava's battered and broken body, her heartbeat slowing with each passing second, and the fear of losing her.

"You can't save me, Damon," she whispered cupping my face with her other hand.

"You have to fight this," I ordered fighting to keep myself from crying.

"I don't know if I can," she confessed dropping her hand. Ava looked away like it was physically hurting her to say goodbye. So, I couldn't understand how she could just give up like this. This is not the Ava I've known for a century.

The Ava I've grown to love was strong and didn't quiver in the presence of death. She always did what she knew needed to be done. So, giving up was out of the question.

"You can't give up," I said taking her face in my hand, forcing her to look at me.

"I don't have the energy," she replied closing her eyes.

"You are stronger than this, Ava. You can fight this!"

"I don't think I can. I'm too tired, Damon."

"I can't lose you," I pleaded a tear rolling down my cheek.

"Maybe it's my time to go," she whispered. She was admitting defeat. Her whole body went weak, death threatening to swallow her. I felt her give up. I was slowly losing her, and I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't ready for the end to come.

"I'm not ready for you to just be gone. Not like this."

"Let me go, Damon. Please." It was her turn to plead with me.

I felt the energy drain from her, those words almost too difficult to utter.

"I can't. Not yet," I confessed resting my forehead against hers, willing her to fight.

"I'm sorry," she said pulling away. She got up from the bench, and walked into the darkness. "Ava!" I called after her. But it was too late. She was swallowed by the dark. I was jerked back to reality, overwhelmed by sadness. I sat up in my chair, taking in my surroundings. I was still sitting next to Ava's bedside, holding her hand in mine.

I laid my head on her stomach and closed my eyes, squeezing her hand. Ava's heart fluttered, as she got ready to take her last breaths. I sat up and stroked her cheek. "Come back to me," I said my tears falling freely. I leaned closer and kissed Ava's forehead, lingering. "Please come back to me," I begged. I closed my eyes, resting my head against Ava's, my tears slipping into her hair. She was giving up and every shallow breath she took was her last. I felt her prepare to take her last.

Hurried footsteps echoed in the hallway, approaching the room.

I got up putting myself between Ava and the possible threat. Stefan walked in, his eyes resting on Ava. He could hear her heart just like I could. He knew she was dying. Our eyes locked and without saying a word he knew what was happening.

His eyes welled up with tears and he closed them, shaking his head. "She's not coming back, Stefan," I said filled with grief. Stefan opened his eyes, letting his tears slip down his cheek. My brother had always been honest with his feelings, it was no different now. He mourned for the life that will be lost. He moved to where Ava laid in bed, taking her hand in his. He got down on his knees and put her hand against his cheek, closing his eyes again. I saw my brother weep for a woman who came into our lives and accepted us for who we were, and never tried to change us.

She was the one person who loved us for who we were, and not who others wanted us to be. I watched as Stefan gave an involuntary jerk, and knew Ava had allowed him in to her thoughts. I sat down on the edge of the bed, burying my face in my hands, trying to prepare myself for what was to come. But I couldn't just sit by and watch it all go to waste. I couldn't bear letting her die. Not without trying to save her. That's what I do. I save her. I know that now. I was meant to save Ava.


	46. Chapter Forty Five

**Chapter Forty-Five**

_**Never Let Me Go**_

_**"Baby I've been here before I've seen this room and I've walked this floor. You know, I used to live alone before I knew you, and I've seen your flag on the marble arch and love is not a victory march, **__**it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah..." ~ Bon Jovi**_

_**"You disappear with all your good intentions, and all I am is all I could not mention. Like who will bring me flowers when it's over, and who will give me comfort when it's cold...~ Thriving Ivory**_

_**"Turn our eyes away, turn our eyes away. From this path we've taken, washing clean our faces. **__**Turn our eyes away, turn our eyes away. Leaning on the hope that, one day, even we. Oh, one day, even we will be saved..." ~ Trent Dabbs & Ruby Amanfu**_

I got down on my knees next to Ava, taking her hand in mine. It was killing me to have to sit here and watch her die. She was the closest thing to family we had left. Watching her die was not something I wanted to do. This wasn't how it was suppose to end. None of this was meant to happen to her. Ava's love was pure, and her heart was kind. She didn't deserve to have life treat her so badly. She deserved so much more.

I wept for the friend I was losing, not caring that Damon was watching me.

"Stefan," a voice said, as a hand reached out touching my cheek. My eyes snapped open, searching for the familiar voice. All I saw was darkness. Ava came into view a few seconds later, her beautiful face healed. She almost looked like herself. But she wasn't. Her eyes was haunted with death, her skin translucent.

"I need you do something for me," she said not wasting any time.

Our eyes locked, my vision blurred with tears. I nodded unable to speak.

"I need you to make sure he doesn't do something stupid," Ava said. "Ava you can fight this," I said desperately.

"I'm ready to let go, and I need you and Damon to stop fighting this. I'm not scared anymore, Stefan. I've made peace with dying."

"But we're not ready. What about _me_?"

Ava laughed, shaking her head, taking my hand in hers.

"You're going to be fine. You always are."

"What about Damon. This will kill him."

"That's why you have to promise me that you'll look after him."

"He's going to do everything in his power to save you."

"I know, and I need you to stop him."

"I won't, you cannot ask that of me."

"Stefan I don't want to fight with you."

"Then don't ask me to sit back and watch you commit suicide."

"You think that's what I'm doing?"

"Yes! You can fight this."

"Haven't I fought enough, Stefan? I'm exhausted."

"No, you're being selfish." Ava took a step back, angry and hurt by my comment.

I felt bad for saying it, but I was angry too. I was pissed that this had happened. This was not fair. None of this was fair. I didn't want to lose another friend.

"I'm selfish?" she asked, crossly. "Haven't I given you and Damon enough?"

"That is not fair. You can't punish me for what my brother's done."

"He'll never love me the way he did her, and I've accepted it. I'm setting him free." Ava was referring to Katherine. That's what it came down to.

If only Ava knew that Damon truly did love her. I wasn't defending what my brother did. I just wish she would give him another chance. Not that he deserved it.

"By dying?"

"Yes because I have nothing left to give him."

"You say he'll never love you, then why is he fighting to keep you alive?"

"Because Damon doesn't know how to live without tormenting me."

"That is not true. You just have to fight for him. Show him that you love him."

"You think I haven't. I told him that I loved him and he almost _killed_ me."

"Damon doesn't know what he wants. You just have to give him time."

"No. I can't keep on fighting a battle I'm never meant to win. Damon and I were never meant to be together. I see that now."

"Then why not live and have the life you deserve."

"Because loving Damon is all I know, and it has brought me nothing but misery."

I nodded, realizing that now I was the one being selfish. Ava has the opportunity to be free, to feel something other than the constant sadness for being rejected by Damon. "When you die I'll have nothing left," I said sorrowfully.

"You will find someone that loves you. Don't let Damon destroy you like he did me."

"If I let you die he'll hate me for it."

"It's Damon, he'll get over it eventually."

I let out a laugh, a glimpse of the old Ava coming through. We both knew that there was nothing Damon was better at than holding a grudge.

"Find someone that deserves you, Stefan."

"I love you," I said sensing an end to our conversation. Ava had said what she wanted, and she was getting ready to let go. I was going to lose my best friend, and it killed me.

"Goodbye, Stefan," Ava said giving me a kiss on the cheek.

Before I could stop her she vanished, and I was back in the room with a dying Ava and a grieving Damon.

"Goodbye, Ava," I whispered getting up, and kissing the top of her head. Damon jumped to his feet and rounded on me, his beast coming out.

I turned to face him, meeting his angry gaze. "I know what you're thinking, but don't do this," I said pained.

"I won't let her die!" Damon snapped.

"Why can't you just let her be?" I asked, sternly. My question took Damon by surprise. He stopped and thought about it.

"I'm meant to save her."

"Ava doesn't want you to save her."

"Ava doesn't know what she wants."

"She wanted you to love her."

"I do love her."

"Oh do not pretend that you've suddenly grown a conscience," I said glaring at Damon. "We both know that the only reason you're trying to save her is, because if she dies you're blood supply will die with her." I was being crude, but it was time that Damon realized that he had to let go. I didn't want Ava to die, but she asked me to let her go and that was what I was going to do.

"I will do whatever it takes to bring her back," Damon replied angrily.

"This is wrong, don't you get that?"

"I would move heaven and earth for her, I will not let her die."

"Maybe it's her time."

"Don't you dare!" he roared, pinning me against the wall.

"I don't want her to die, but you can't save her. She doesn't want you to."

"I'm not turning her, I have another plan," he said more calmly, putting me down.

Damon's beast retreated, and the anger dissipated.

"What plan? You can't save her unless you turn her."

"We're connected," Damon said, as if I knew exactly what that's supposed to mean.

Damon sensed that I didn't quite get what he planned to do.

"It's a two way street. I can make her heal herself. God I don't know why it took me so long to get it. Sasha told me that I had to _tell_ Ava to live. I thought she meant giving Ava a reason to live. But she meant for me to make Ava heal herself."

"I'm not following," I said still confused.

"She can break through our thoughts-"

"So, you can break through hers," I finished his sentence, suddenly realizing what Damon was planning on doing.

I looked over my shoulder at Ava, overwhelmed with sadness. Just like Damon, I wasn't ready to let go of her just yet. Anything has to be better than her dying.

"I don't know Damon," I said shaking my head, torn between doing what was right or what would save Ava.

"I have to try," Damon said.

I knew that Ava didn't want to be saved. She just told me that herself. But I couldn't watch her die, not when there was something to be done that would save her life. We've been through too much for it all to just end like this. She was going to be pissed, but at least she'll be alive.

"Stefan," Damon pleaded, time running out.

"She's going to hate us," I said looking at Damon. "I can live with that."

"Do it," I said stepping away from Ava. I walked over to the door, closing and locking it. We didn't need anyone coming in and seeing Damon doing whatever he was about to do. Damon pulled the chair closer and sat down next to Ava.

He took her hand in his, closing his eyes, squeezing her hand tightly in his. I stood in silence, not really knowing what I was waiting for. After what felt like hours I sat down on the floor, resting my arms on my knees and my head in my hands.

I didn't know what exactly I was waiting for. Seconds felt like hours, minutes felt like days. The room was cast in shadows as the sun set and the moon rose.

The silence was broken with Ava's heart giving a painfully loud thump, and then I could hear it, her heart rate increasing. I jumped to my feet, my sorrow replaced with relief and joy. I couldn't believe it. Damon did it. He got her to heal, got her body fighting again. Damon snapped out of his trance looking drained and tired.

"Did it work?" he asked. I nodded with fresh tears.

"Listen," I said taking a step towards Ava and Damon.

Damon smiled when he heard the steady beat of her heart. We looked at each other, the relief we felt evident. Ava was going to be okay. She was going to live.

Damon rested his head against Ava's, closing his eyes, a tear of joy rolling down his cheek. He really did love her, despite everything that has happened I had to believe that it was all going to alright.


	47. Chapter Forty Six

**Chapter Forty-Six**

_**Acceptance**_

_**"Right from the start you were a thief you stole my heart, and I your willing victim. I let you see the parts of me that weren't all that pretty, and with every touch you fixed them..." ~ P!nk**_

_**"Nothing compares. No worries or cares. Regrets and mistakes. They are memories made. Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste? Never mind, I'll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you too. "Don't forget me," I begged. "I'll remember," you said. Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead..." ~ Adele**_

_**"But do not ask the price I paid, I must live with my quiet rage. Tame the ghosts in my head that run wild and wish me dead..." ~ Mumford & Sons**_

_**"**__**Tell me about those nights you stayed awake. Tell me about those days you hated me. Tell me how you'd rather die alone than being stuck here with me..." ~ One Less Reason**_

I sat in the living room, sipping on a cup of coffee. I was tempted to have a glass of whiskey, but if I was going to help Ava heal I needed to be sober. Jackson was in the room with Ava and Abel. I could see why Ava chose this family, it's everything she's ever wanted. The whole family made turns looking after her. Jackson and the other Club members apparently found who had done this, and made them pay. I had a pretty good I idea what that meant, but I didn't ask any questions. Sasha walked in and sat down on the sofa opposite me. She took a gulp of water and looked at Alex heading across the room and down the hall to Ava's room.

"What's his deal?" I asked following her gaze.

"I don't really know?" she said focusing on me.

"But I pray their relationship is only platonic."

We looked at each other and laughed. I looked at Sasha, everything about her suddenly seemed so familiar. The resemblance was uncanny. Ever since Ava told me we had a daughter I haven't been able to think about anything else. I looked at Sasha and I saw Ava in her, and a little of myself. Ava and Sasha shared the same dark curls and green eyes. Sasha was taller than Ava by at least a foot, she obviously got that from me. Sasha had my cheek bones and nose, but she had Ava's flawless golden skin. She wasn't a Keeper like her mother, but she apparently got some of Ava's gold.

"You did it didn't you?" Sasha said pulling me from my reverie. She was referring to Ava's vitals that were getting better, and her heartbeat getting stronger every hour. "Yes," I answered. "Yes, I did." I marveled at Sasha's beautiful smile. A smile that reminded me of Ava.

"I knew it!" she exclaimed, excitedly. She looked around and lowered her voice. "The bond thingy works both ways, doesn't it?"

I shrugged. "Only when she wants it to." I had to tell her, she deserves to know. But was it my place? Ava obviously kept it a secret for reason. I just wish I knew why. There's so much I want to ask Ava. I feel like I've missed out on a lot.

"Sasha," I began, uncertain of what I was going to say.

"Damon," she said in the same tentative tone. Just as I was about to say something Stefan walked in. "I think she's waking up," he said with a huge grin.

Sasha and I both jumped up without a word and followed Stefan. As I neared the room I could hear the unmistakable strong beat of Ava's heart. It was beating a little too fast, but that was normal for her while her body was healing itself. I let Sasha go in first, she's a doctor after all, and followed her in with Stefan on my heels.

We were just in time to see Ava's eyes pop open. She jerked up, gasping. Jackson sat up in his chair, immediately reaching for her. She turned around bewildered, looking for something or someone. Her eyes fell on him a second later, her whole body visibly relaxing. Without hesitation she reached out for him, grabbing him by the neck, holding on for dear life. Her breathing returned to normal and she relaxed into him. It broke my heart to see her with him. Don't get me wrong, I was over the moon that she was going to be fine. But if truth be told I wanted to be the one she turned to.

I left the room needing some fresh air. I left the house and took a walk around Ava's ample property.

"Do you love her?" Sasha asked. Nobody sneaks up on me, but she somehow managed. I turned around stuffing my hands in my pockets.

"Yes I do," I said truthfully. There was no need to lie anymore.

"Then fight for her," she pleaded.

I looked at my daughter and smiled. "She chose Jackson."

"Maybe she did, but she'll always love you."

"You sure about that?"

"100," she stopped and smiled. "Well, 60%"

I laughed. "With those odds I can't go wrong."

"No you can't," she laughed.

I walked into the room and saw Stefan standing by the end of Ava's bed with his head down. I knew it was trouble. I could feel Ava's anger. That's an understatement. She was absolutely furious. I took a deep breath and took the remaining steps into the room. I was going to have to face Ava's fury sooner or later.

"I am so mad at you," she chastised Stefan. "And you," she said turning to look at me. "You couldn't let me die, could you?" she said crossly. "You had to save me after I begged you to let me go."

"I wasn't going to just stand around and let you die," I said defending my actions.

"You're a selfish asshole!" she said loudly. She laid back and covered her face with a pillow. "When I wake up you both better be gone," she mumbled, her voice muffled by the pillow. Stefan and I looked at each other, both aware that Ava might never forgive us for this. Stefan left the room quietly, afraid that he might piss her off further if he stayed. I on the other hand wasn't about to just admit defeat. I closed the door and went over to the chair next to Ava's bed, and took a seat.

"You knew I'd never let you die, just like you'd never let me die," I reminded her.

A few months ago she was willing to die for me, so why'd she think I wouldn't do the same for her? Ava audibly sighed and took the pillow from her face.

I cringed at the sight. Her face was different shades of black, blue and purple.

"I am so mad at you, I can't even look at you," she said refusing to look at me. Instead she opted to stare at the ceiling.

"Well," I said leaning back in my chair. "Then you're going to be pissed off when I tell you that I refuse to leave here without you."

That got her attention she sat up and flinched, but she refused to appear weak. So, she fought through the pain. I could see her struggle but left her alone, because that's what she wanted. She fought through the pain and tears and looked at me.

"I chose Jax," she began. "This doesn't change it." I knew Ava was lying and so did she. Ava's eyes welled up with tears and she looked away. "When I'm with you it's like we fit, like we're intended to be together," she wiped away a tear, and turned to look at me. I saw the hurt in her eyes, and how much she struggled with this. I had a glimpse into Ava's mind when I helped her to heal, and I knew how hard this was for her. She truly loved us both, and she couldn't imagine a life without us. "But," Ava said. She took a deep breath, and I knew that what she was about to say was going to break both our hearts.

"When I'm with Jax it's like I'm living the life I was supposed to live." I nodded and leaned forward taking her hand in mine.

"If this what you really want, then I'll go," I said. "You and Stefan betrayed me, Damon. I can never forgive you for that," Ava said pulling her hand free from mine. Her words broke my heart.

"I never want to see you again." Her words killed me. I got to my feet and left. As I left the house I looked at the life Ava chose and vowed to always protect her.

She might want this life, but I was not about to let her kill herself. She already came close once, I wasn't going to allow it to happen again. Ava might hate us now, but she'll eventually forgive us. She couldn't stay mad at us forever, especially not my brother.


	48. Chapter Forty Seven

**Chapter Forty-Seven**

_**Not Enough**_

_**"Seems like just yesterday. You were a part of me. I used to stand so tall. I used to be so strong. Your arms around me tight. Everything, it felt so right. Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong. Now I can't breathe. No, I can't sleep. I'm barely hanging on..." ~ Kelly Clarkson**_

_**"A broken jewel box dancer lies in pieces down the hall. She's finding out the answers don't change nothing at all. It's time that she stopped searching for who's to blame or what went wrong..." ~ Garth Brooks**_

_**"Oh, when you told me you'd leave. I felt like I couldn't breathe. My aching body fell to the floor...**_ _**You caused my heart to bleed and you still owe me a reason. I can't figure out why I'm alone and freezing..." ~ Ben Clocks**_

_**"Just give me a reason. Just a little bit's enough. Just a second we're not broken just bent, and we can learn to love again..." ~ P!nk feat. Nathan Ruess**_

I was never one to just sit around. I needed to be busy, have something to do that preoccupied my mind. Sitting still in a quiet space was my idea of hell. I had too many voices in my head, and too many memories that haunted me. I got up from where I sat on the couch, my body buzzing with angst and fear. I switched on the lights as I went, checking to make sure all the windows were shut and the doors locked.

I was on high alert, the darkness bringing a new sense of unease. My body was one throbbing mess, the bruises fresh and raw on my skin. Every move was painful, every breath felt like a stab in the chest. I checked up on Abel and went to see if Alex was comfortable in the guest bedroom. Jax have been out most nights, busy doing who knows what. Alex refused to leave my side and had become my personal bodyguard.

Everyone seemed to accept it, but I was sure it wouldn't last long. He was still Clay's right hand man, and the Club was going to call on him for something sooner or later. As for Jax, ever since the attack he's barely been at home. He calls every hour on the hour to make sure I was fine, but it seemed like he couldn't be in the same room as me.

Most mornings he'll sneak in and climb into bed next to me. He refuses to touch me, afraid that I might break. I've tried talking to him about it, but he always ducks out on some kind of "business" for the Club. I sat down on the couch, positioning my body in a way that was the least painful. I couldn't sleep, and Jax still hadn't come home. Every inch of me was battered. My skin felt hot, every cut and bruise throbbing. I had on only a pair of panties and an oversized SAMCRO T-Shirt.

I switched on the television, voices filling the quiet space of the living room. I closed my eyes, reminding myself that I was going to be fine. I felt on edge, every thud or bang making me jump. I heard Alex get up and looked over my shoulder. Alex entered the living room and sat down next to me.

"Trouble sleeping?" he asked.

"Nightmares," I said honestly.

Alex took my hand in his and held it with both his hands. I rested my head on his shoulder, shifting to get more comfortable.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Alex asked, gently.

"Not really." We stared at the television in silence, getting lost in the story that was told. After a while I spoke. I had to talk to someone, and Jax wasn't around.

"There were four of them," I started. Alex didn't move or say anything, he just listened. So, I continued. "I tried to fight back, but I couldn't. I don't remember much."

Alex squeezed my hand and rested his head on mine. "I came to when they..." I stopped wiping a tear from my eye. I've been beaten before, but this was different.

This broke me, because for some reason I thought this was all my fault. I felt weak.

"I felt every single letter they carved on my back." I felt a tear drop on my head, and looked up to find Alex blinking away tears.

"We should've protected you better," he said looking directly at me. I wiped away the tear from his cheek, shaking my head.

"If I just got here sooner-"

"This wasn't your fault, Alex," I interrupted fighting to keep my own tears at bay.

After a long conversation with Alex I finally fell asleep on the couch. I woke up in bed with the sun lighting the room. I sat up and looked at the clock. It was past noon, which meant I had been asleep for at least six hours. The first time I got a proper night's sleep. The talk I had with Alex did me some good. I just wished it was with Jax instead. I got out of bed and went to take a shower. All the cuts stung under the warm water for a couple of seconds, before I got used to the water.

I washed my body and hair. I got out of the shower and dried myself off. I wrapped a towel gently around my body and walked back to the room. I let the towel drop, catching a glimpse of my body in the full-length mirror. I went over and stood right in front of the mirror, studying my body. I turned around and looked at the damage done to my back. I was a bruised and battered mess. I was told that my inside were a mess, and that I wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for Damon. Again, he should've just let me die. I wasn't giving up, I was just giving in to death. But again I cheated death.

I just couldn't freakin' die. I looked up and saw Jax in the mirror standing in the door way. He stared at me, his face void of any emotion. I reached for a t-shirt and got dressed, covering the worst of my injuries. "Are you ever going to talk to me?" I asked pulling on a pair of underwear. I knew it was hard for Jax to look at me. I mean, I looked hideous. But he could've at least tried. I was met by more silence.

Jax took off his cuts and sat down on the bed, his back turned to me. I dried my hair with the towel and tied into a bun. Everyone's already seen my scarred face, so there was no reason to try and hide it. I stood there looking at Jax's back, my will breaking. "This wasn't your fault," I said.

"You got hurt because of _my_ lifestyle," he said, burying his face in his hands.

"I chose to be a part of this life."

"And look where it got you!" he snapped turning to look at me.

"This is no one's fault, Jax."

"You almost died, Ava."

"But I didn't!"

"What's it you want from me?"

"I want to talk to my husband-"

"But I'm not, am I?" he interjected getting to his feet.

"What's that supposed to me?"

"That maybe all this happened for a reason."

"I stayed for you and Abel, I want us to be a family."

"Why?"

"Because you fixed what was broken inside me," I said, meaning every word.

Our relationship wasn't the most conventional, but I loved Jax and I loved Abel. I finally had a family.

"Then why isn't it enough?" Jax asked. I looked at him and I saw the pain and guilt in his eyes.

"Because you don't love me anymore."

"I never said that, Ava."

"But it's true, isn't it?"

"Why would you say that?"

"Because you don't look at me anymore, Jax."

"I'm looking at you now!"

"Not the way you used to."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"When you see me you see the person you couldn't protect," I said walking towards him. Jax physically cringed and moved a step back.

"You don't look at me with passion and love anymore," I continued. "You look at me with guilt, with nothing but regret."

We stood in silence to think about what was just said. I saw the decision Jax made, his mind made up.

"I wanted love to be enough, but it's not," he said.

"You're breaking off the engagement?" I asked, my heart racing.

I could hardly breathe. My whole world was falling down around me and I couldn't do anything to stop it. I was powerless.

"You deserve better than this," Jax said, using it as a way to explain his decision. But I knew better. Jax knew that this was never going to work. He knew that we weren't meant to be together. He was better in tuned with my feelings than I was.

"I love you," I said a tear rolling down my cheek.

"But you love him more," he noted. "It's time for you to go home, Ava."

I nodded. Jax was right. I wish I'd just seen it sooner. I was never going to be completely happy and neither was Jax. He still loved Tara and I still loved Damon. We were both trying to be different people. Jax grabbed his hoodie and left the house. I sat down on the bed and cried for all that I was about to lose. After a few minutes I got up and started packing my belongings. I wanted to leave Charming before they tried to make me stay.

When I was done I went back upstairs and took off my engagement ring, putting it on Jax's side of the bed along with a couple of notes. In one note I told Jax to sell the house I owned and to take the money for the Club. I also left the details for the trust fund I made for Abel. I also left a note for Alex. I needed to explain why I was leaving, and why they could never contact me.

I couldn't risk them finding me looking the same as I when I left. This was the risk I took when I decided to stay in town. When I was done I took a few minutes to reflect on the year I spent in Charming. I picked up my bag and left. Leaving Charming was probably the hardest thing I've done in the last few years. I grew to love the town and its people. I really thought I'd settle down here.


	49. Chapter Forty Eight

**Chapter Forty-Eight**

_**Returning**_

_**"And maybe you've fallen down, and maybe you just took the long road home. But baby you will never love you like me, and one day this will fade away. In the mirror you'll see a smiling face, and standing next to you will always be me..." ~ One Less Reason**_

_**"I will never let you fall. I'll stand up with you forever. I'll be there for you through it all. Even if saving you sends me to heaven..." ~ Red Jumpsuit Apparatus**_

_**"But I know, all I know, is that the end's beginning. Who I am from the start, take me home to my heart. Let me go and I will run, I will not be silent. All this time spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain. All is lost, hope remains, and this war's not over. There's a light, there's the sun, taking all shattered ones. To the place we belong, and his love will conquer all..." ~ Trading Yesterday**_

"She'll forgive you, eventually," Elena said joining me in the study. I stared out of the window, my arms crossed over my chest. I turned to look at Elena, my heart skipping a beat. I smiled and took her hand. She stood beside me and looked at me with love.

"I won't bet on it," I said. "It's been a week and she's still refusing to take my calls.

"She just needs some time to cool down," Elena encouraged, squeezing my hand.

"Ava can be really stubborn."

"But you're her family, Stefan. And besides Ava adores you."

"She was right I betrayed her. She asked me to let he die and I was selfish."

"You weren't selfish, you did what you did because you love her. And that's not selfish." I looked at Elena and smiled. I leaned forward and kissed her.

I loved this woman, I truly did. Elena smiled and cupped my face.

"Give her some time," she whispered. I nodded and kissed her again.

For the last week I've watched my brother try his best to not go back to his old ways, trying to be the man he thought Ava wanted him to be. It's no secret that Damon and I have never gotten on too well, but it was killing me to see him so depressed. He sulked around the house, drinking too much in an attempt to dull the pain. I walked over to the sofa and sat down. Elena sat down next to me, resting her head on my chest, and holding my hand in hers. We sat in silence, just enjoying being together. I knew Elena cared about Damon, and that she was sympathetic to his pain.

Damon's bedroom door opened and I heard his footstep fade away. The front door clicked shut.

"You don't think he's going to..." Elena couldn't bring herself to finish her sentence. I shook my head. "He's still hoping that Ava will come back."

"What if she doesn't?" Elena asked lifting her head.

"She'll become human."

"What does that mean?"

"That Damon would either go mad and turn her, or she'll force him to protect her night and day." Elena looked mortified. Just like me, she knew that if Damon ever turned Ava all hell would break loose. "You really think he'll turn her?"

"If there's one thing I know for sure, it's that Damon would rather spend eternity living with Ava trying to kill him, than spend eternity without her."

"I don't understand how all this happened."

I turned my head and looked out of the window again, replaying a memory that's haunted both my brother and I. A moment in time that Damon wish he could relive.

"A series of bad decisions." That was all I could say. I doubt Damon would want me to tell Elena something that he's never told anyone but me. And that's just because I was there, and I remember most of it. "By Damon? Or Ava?"

"Both." There was a knock on the front door, which only I heard. I got to feet and walked out. "What?" Elena asked looking at me.

"Someone's at the door," I said over my shoulder.

"Must be nice to have supernatural hearing," Elena mumbled standing up.

"Not always," I said reaching the front door, and looking over my shoulder at Elena.

I caught the end of her eye roll and smiled. I opened the door and saw the surprised look on Elena's face. I turned my head and came face to face with Ava.

She looked tired and weak. "I had nowhere else to go," she said her voice hoarse. She'd been crying, not that you could tell with all the bruising.

"Come in," I said reaching for her bag. She let me take it from her and walked into the house. I closed the door and couldn't help but stare at her. She had on a pair of black leggings and an over sized plain black T-shirt. Her movements were slow and her face bore the signs of anguish. Without so much as a word she left the foyer and headed to the room she stayed in when she came to ask me to walk her down the aisle. That felt like a lifetime ago. I followed her and put her suitcase in the room.

She headed straight the bathroom, and I caught a glimpse of her back as she took of her shirt. I was suddenly filled with rage, the sight of her scarred back evoking my instinct to protect. I turned around and left the room, shutting the door behind me. I heard the front door open and close and saw Damon had returned.

"I'll leave you to it," Elena said kissing me goodbye.

"I'll be around later," I said walking her to the door.

"What was that all about?" Damon asked, as I closed the door.

I took a deep breath and turned around facing my brother. I walked past him to the living room and poured two glasses of whiskey. I gave one to Damon and took a gulp from the other glass. Damon followed my lead, but I could see that his patience was wearing thin. He knew something was off the second he walked into the house.

"She's home," I said.

"Ava?" Damon asked, hesitantly.

"Yes, she's in her bedroom taking a shower."

Damon turned and rushed from the room. "Damon!" I called after him. "She wants to be left alone."

"Did she say so?"

"She needs time, and we owe her that."

Damon looked torn. A couple of moments later he nodded and returned to the living room. "You're right."

"Excuse me can you repeat that?" I asked in disbelief.

Damon glared at me not at all impressed with my attempt to lighten the mood.

"What do you think this means?" Damon said pouring himself another drink.

"I don't know, but time will tell." It was the only thing I could think of at that moment.

I knew Damon wanted answers, but above all he wanted closure. If Ava was back for good, they might be able to put the past behind them and move forward.

"The bruises?"

I shook my head. "She hasn't healed."

"I guess that's not surprising. She's been human for the last year."

"I suspect for longer than that."


	50. Chapter Forty Nine

**Chapter Forty-Nine**

_**Nowhere Else To Go**_

_**"I'm broken in two and I know you're on to me. That I only come home when I'm so all alone. But I do believe that not everything is gonna be the way you think it ought to be. It seems like every time I try to make it right it all comes down on me. Please say honestly you won't give up on me and I shall believe..." ~ Sheryl Crow**_

_**"This city slept through the dark bright blue eyes. They stole a lonely heart. Our corpses be like Jones we laughed. How do I feel like you've known? It doesn't take the brightest mind to see, to see. **__**You've broken my heart, you've broken my heart. No, no no no, it's the shame shame shame. I'm kiddin myself as I'm standing here in the pouring rain..." ~ Alex Cornish**_

_**"I can't see the stars anymore living here. Let's go to the hills where the outlines are clear. Bring on the wonder. Bring on the song. I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long. I fell through the cracks at the end of our street. Let's go to the beach, get the sand through our feet. Bring on the wonder. Bring on the song. I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long..." ~ Susan Enan**_

I sat in the back of the cab, my head resting against the window, my body slightly turned to the side. I caught the cab driver look at me a few times, not that it bothered me anymore. My whole journey I had people openly stare. I watched as the cab slowed down and turn into the long driveway. I watched as we passed tree after tree and sat up straight when the cab came to a stop. I took out a few notes and handed them to the diver.

"Do you need any help ma'am?" he asked politely. I could see in his eyes that he was a family man, and that he either had a daughter my age or close to it, because he looked worried and sympathetic.

"I'll be fine, thank you," I said. Battered and bruised I got out of the car, every muscle pulling under my skin, raw flesh throbbing on the surface. I took my suitcase from the boot and watched as the cab left. I turned around and looked at the house I thought I'd never return to. The house I vowed to never return to. I took a deep breath and walked up to the front door. I raised my hand to knock and stopped mid way, my hand shaking. What was I doing? I have no reason to be in Mystic Falls.

I was still pissed at both Salvatore brothers'. If they hadn't saved me none of this would've happened. I'd be at peace. But I couldn't just blame them. I had to accept that I too was to blame. My decisions had caused some of it. So, I carried blame too. And coming here wasn't fair to Damon, not after I told him that I never wanted to see him again. I closed my eyes and dropped my head. I felt so broken, so lost.

I sat down on the steps and buried my face in my hands. I let my sadness take over and shed the tears I've held in. A few minutes later I gathered the courage and knocked. It took a while before the door opened. Stefan looked surprised to see me. I didn't blame him. "I had nowhere else to go," I said, trying to disguise the fact that I had been crying. "Come in," he said sticking out his hand to take my suitcase. I let him take it and walked into the house. I was too afraid to say anything, in fear that I might burst into tears. Without so much as a word I left for the room I stayed in before.

Stefan followed me with my luggage, and I could feel him stare. I headed to the bathroom aching to take a shower and get into bed. I heard Stefan put the suitcase down and leave. I got into the shower and turned on the faucet. I closed my eyes tears building behind my closed lids, a lump forming in my throat. I put my head under the water, letting my tears fall freely. I took my time in the shower, making sure every wound was clean. I tried healing again, but I couldn't bring myself to concentrate. I had a massive headache and gave up. I turned off the water and got out, wrapping a towel around my body. I went back into the room and got dressed. I wore the same outfit I've been living in, an oversized T-Shirt. It covered up all the essential bits ad didn't irritate my inflamed and bruised skin. I got into bed and fell asleep instantly.

_I lied in utter darkness, cold and alone. It was pitch black around me, not a single source of light anywhere. Loneliness consumed me and pain engulfed everything that was me. Dying was a slow process I realized being in the dark. I couldn't help think, "so this was what dying feels like." I was aware of my shallow breathing, and every beat of my heart. This is it, I thought, my time has run out. But not quite. It was never really that easy. Death didn't come quickly. It took its sweet, sweet time. I was in so much physical pain, and it drowned the emotional and mental agony I felt. With every beat of my heart it sounded like a clock ticking, letting me know I was running out of time. I wished someone would rip out my heart, just to make it stop beating. __I pictured my fast gruesome death, in some sense it was almost comforting. My heart gave a painful thump, I squirmed my muscles shuddering under my skin. Skin that felt tight against my bones, unable to stretch to accompany my beating heart and moving veins. A familiar voice drifted to me from somewhere afar, my heart giving a hopeful jolt. The flesh on the palm of my hand tingled and pressure was put on my abdomen. __It all felt familiar, my body recognizing the gestures. Like puzzle pieces easing into their designed fit. "Please come back to me," the voice whispered. I was startled in the dark, the silence broken. Why? I wondered. What was it that I had to go back to? __I didn't know. My mind was thick with cluttered words and unrecognizable memories. There was no mistake about the small amount of happiness that seeped into my veins. __I felt the familiarity of the voice and gesture in all of me, from deep in my bones to the surface of my skin. The physical pain was worsened by the emotional agony that overpowered me. The loneliness grew and my heart ached for an unknown force. __Deep inside me I was broken; a part of me was carving up the rest of me. __Minutes. Hours. Days. I don't know for how long I was stuck in this unbearable darkness. Time stood still for me, only the slow beat of my heart telling me time was passing. The pain I felt didn't get any better, I was pretty sure it was getting worse. __It was worse when my body recognized my companion in the dark. Whenever I was visited by the voice I felt every fiber in my body burn and yearn for what I couldn't see. My body screamed at me that something was missing. Passed all the pain I could feel the emptiness growing inside me. There was nothing to live for anymore. __I didn't belong anywhere. It was time for me to go, where to I wasn't sure. I retreated deeper into darkness, the voice no longer there. There was no more pain, my body, mind and soul had become numb. If there was nothing left then there were no more to be felt. Darkness pulled me in its hold and I let a tear slip for what I have lost. _

I woke up with a start, my eyes wet with tears. I got up and went to open the window. I went into the bathroom, flinching the fabric of the shirt rubbing against raw skin. I lifted the back of my shirt, looking at my back in the mirror. I stared at the words _you're next_ carved into my back. I dropped my shirt and went back into the room. Although it's been a couple of weeks, my whole body still ached, and I felt exhausted. The amount of energy my body consumed to heal all the inside damage, left me depleted. I walked over to the armchair in the corner of the room, turning it so it faced the window.

Outside it was dark and murky, rain splashing forcefully against the window, the wind howling outside. I sat down on the chair, putting a pillow behind the small of my back and a pillow behind my head, pulling my legs up, hugging them to my chest. I was almost in a fetal position, leaning slightly on my side, keeping pressure off my back. It wasn't the most comfortable position, but then again no position was. Bruises and cuts covered almost every inch of skin, my whole body aching. I closed my eyes finding comfort in the sloshing of the rain against the window. I sat in silence for a while, just listening.

Music drifted into the room from somewhere in the house, low and calming. I felt at peace for the first time since the attack. Footsteps in the hallway pulled me back to reality. I jumped, but didn't get up. I knew it was either Stefan or Damon, and neither of them wanted to harm me. So, I felt relatively safe. The footsteps stopped outside my door and paused. I didn't turn to look at the door. I just kept looking at the rain. If I looked either Stefan or Damon in the eyes I wouldn't be able to stop myself from falling apart.

The door clicked open, Damon walking into the room, his presence unmistakable. It stifled the room filling it with remorse and anger. His emotions swallowed me, bringing me closer to breaking point. I had kept away from the brothers for a reason. Their pity and antagonism was too much to bear. Damon walked in and took a seat on the bed, the end closest to me. I didn't look at him, I couldn't. Neither one of us said a word, just sat there in silence, the weather and music the only noise. I felt Damon's eyes on me, no doubt staring at my battered body. I was only wearing underwear and one of Stefan's shirts. Damon's eyes burned into my skin, taking in every inch of exposed flesh. His emotions were overpowering, making my heart ache.

"Stefan's cooking," Damon, finally, said breaking the silence. I nodded not really caring. "He said he's making you're favorite, but we've got different opinions on what that is," Damon continued, not at all put off by my lack of reply. He was used to having one sided conversations. He's been in here every day trying to get me talking and out of this dark room. "I'm sure it's raspberry pancakes," he paused waiting for a response. I gave none. "Stefan's convinced it's cinnamon French toast." Damon hoped for me to say something, anything. I didn't. I just sat staring out of the window, because I couldn't care less about what Stefan's cooking. I wasn't hungry.

I could feel Damon's frustration, as another few moments passed by in silence. I was content with silence, Damon wasn't. He got up, then sat down again running his hand over his face. "I'm trying really hard here, Ava," he said frustrated.

His statement was met with more silence. "Ava, please," he begged.

Why couldn't he see that I didn't want to talk. I just want to be left alone.

"It wouldn't kill you to just say something. Anything!"

I turned to look at Damon, the first contact I made with anyone. He glared down at me, his aggravation getting the better of him.

"What do you want, Damon?" I asked, breaking my silence.

"For you to talk to me," he pleaded, getting straight to the point.

"I have nothing to say. I just want to be left alone."

"You made that clear, but we're not going anywhere. We're here, Ava!"

"What is it I'm suppose to feel, Damon?" I asked, desperation in my voice. I put my legs down, looking Damon straight in the eyes. "Just talk to me," Damon answered.

"You want me to tell you how I _feel_?"

"Yes!"

"I feel nothing, Damon," I said, being honest. "To me none of this matters anymore."

Damon looked at me, his face contorted into something resembling confusion or sadness; I wasn't quite sure which. "It was all for nothing."

"What was?"

"_All _of it. Me saving you, you saving me. It was all for nothing."

"I-"

"I have _nothing_ left to give you or Stefan." I looked at Damon, a lost woman that was broken and defeated. Damon swallowed, his sorrow drowning the both of us.

"I am so sorry," he breathed. I rolled my eyes and shook my head, turning away, focusing on the rain outside. I wasn't interested in hearing why what happened to me was so hard on everyone else. I simply just didn't care anymore.

"No!" Damon said raising his voice. "Don't you dare ignore me when I'm trying to have a conversation with you." Damon gripped my chair, turning the whole chair so I could face him. Angry, I looked up meeting his eyes. It was obvious Damon was tired of waiting for me to come to him. He was getting whatever he's been bottling up off his chest. "It's my fault that you got hurt." Damon wasn't going to leave without saying what he needed to, so I indulged him. "You didn't do this."

"Yes I did!" he said raising his voice. "I should have been there!"

"What?" I asked taken aback by his statement. "I should have been there," he repeated, pained. It suddenly dawned on me that he wasn't lashing out at me, he was angry at himself. Damon truly did blame himself for what happened to me. I stared at him for a moment, Damon's pain making sense. I realized that being angry was what was going to keep me from moving on. I had to stop hating everyone, especially Damon.

"You didn't know," I said trying to calm him down. I was done being angry.

I was done hating Damon for the life I was leading. I just wanted to put it all behind me. Damon sat down in front of me a wrecked man. I wasn't the only one who had lost hope. Damon felt just as hollow and heartbroken. "I failed you."

"No you didn't," I said. "I didn't _save _you," he whispered gripping my thighs, his blue eyes wet with tears. He broke down the pain too much for him to take.

He rested his head on my lap, crying. "I didn't save you." My eyes welled up with hot tears, my heart breaking for the man in front of me. I stroked his hair, closing my eyes, the tears rolling down my cheeks. "You're here now," I said kissing the back of his head.


	51. Chapter Fifty

**Chapter Fifty**

_**All Is Well, Right?**_

_**"It's been a while since the two of us talked...Knowing things would never be the same. With your empty heart and mine full of pain. So explain to me, how it came to this. Take it back to the night we kissed...**_ _**If the clouds don't clear. Then we'll rise above it, we'll rise above it. Heaven's gate is so near. Come walk with me through. Just like we used to, just like we used to..." ~ The Script**_

_**"And I've lost who I am, and I can't understand. Why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love, without, love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on. But I know, all I know, is that the end's beginning. **_

_**Who I am from the start, take me home to my heart. Let me go and I will run, I will not be silent. All this time spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain. All is lost, hope remains, and this war's not over. There's a light, there's the sun, taking all shattered ones. To the place we belong, and his love will conquer all..." ~ Trading Yesterday**_

_**"Tears stream down your face. When you lose something you cannot replace. Tears stream down your face...I promise you I will learn from my mistakes. Tears stream down your face...Lights will guide you home. And ignite your bones. And I will try to fix you..." ~ Coldplay**_

A week's gone by since Ava's returned to Mystic Falls. Ava's locked herself up in one of the guest bedrooms, refusing to see anyone. She wouldn't let anyone near her, let alone let them see her in the state she was in. She was literally hiding from the outside world. Ava didn't want people to see the state she was in, she was pretty banged up.

She also refused to heal, putting her body through hell. She was closed off, only snippets of her thoughts touched my mind, but it was enough for me to know what she was thinking. She was exhausted, ready to give up. She hated me for saving her again, believing she deserved to die, that it was her time. I would sit outside her door for hours just waiting for her to say or do something. The closest I came to seeing or speaking to her was when she allowed me to bring her food, or a glimpse into her thoughts. I approached the room like I've been doing for days now.

I made sure she heard my footsteps, not wanting to frighten her. The door stood ajar, the first sign that she might finally be ready to talk. I pushed the door open slowly, giving Ava enough time to react if she wanted to. Her features were outlined by the moonlight, her back turned to the door. She lied on the side of the bed closest to the door, not quite comfortable with not having an escape route. Not that being by the door was the best exit strategy. Ava tensed her body ready to react to any danger. The last couple of weeks had been rough on her pushing her to her limit.

Ava's nerves were shot and her emotions were running high. Since her return Ava had been distant, barely saying a word. Entering the room I saw her for the first time in almost two days. She hadn't eaten or bothered to get up. She just laid in bed burying her head under the duvet. I was aware of Ava's heartbeat picking up a few notches, and she struggled to keep her breathing normal. I took another step into the room giving her time to tell me to stop. It would be the first word she spoke to me since she told me she didn't want to see me again. Ava didn't say a word, so I walked in and closed the door. We were engulfed in darkness, something Ava welcomed.

It was odd that the dark comforted her, but at night she was the most peaceful. She could hide better in the dark. I took a seat on the armchair and sat forward resting my elbows on my knees. It was quiet, the only sound in the room was Ava's breathing, and the clock ticking away the seconds. We sat in silence for what felt like forever, and believe me I know what forever feels like. I wanted to make it all better.

Who knew that I would ever be capable of caring for someone as much as I cared for and loved Ava. I had screwed up, and I hoped that in time she could find it in herself to forgive me. I wanted to hold on to that small chance that she might still love me. God knows I still didn't understand how she managed to love me at all.

Ava stirred interrupting my thoughts. I was aware of every move she made and every breath she took. The urge to protect her was overwhelming. I doubted I could ever let her out of my sight again. It was almost unbearable when we couldn't find her. I had thought that I would be too late to save her. I never wanted to go through that again, not if I could prevent it. "So, today was interesting," I said watching Ava. She didn't say anything. I knew it wasn't going to be that easy. So, I continued. "We found out today that one of the founding families have been keeping their own little secret."

Ava turned on her side opting to ignore me. I stared at her back and closed my eyes. At least she didn't scream for me to leave. I was going to take that as a good sign. "The mayor, and his brother, and now his son are werewolves." So, for the next week I would come in and talk to Ava. All our conversations were one-sided. It was frustrating, but what was I meant to do? I couldn't just let her be.

Stefan told me to give Ava time and that we should let her come to us, but I wasn't that patient, and besides I knew Ava better than my brother did. My persistence paid off, because I was just going for my normal small talk session when Ava decided to talk. Well, I got angry and then she got angry, but in the end we connected. We both yelled and we both cried. At the end of it all she let me in. It was all I wanted.

A couple of days after the breakthrough I walked into her room and sat down on the bed. I could hear Ava in the bathroom, crying. She's been doing that a lot. She was finally letting herself grief. After about fifteen minutes Ava emerged from the bathroom. She stopped when she saw me and fresh tears welled up in her eyes. Even with all the cuts and bruises on her face she was still beautiful. I looked at her startled to notice that she had started healing. It was a slow start, but she attempted to right the wrongs in her body. I tried to go back, to remember when she started to heal.

The bruises on her face looked slightly better than they did a few days ago. That was why she's been hiding in the room. She wanted privacy to heal, or to at least try to heal. Ava let me get close to her, and I pushed further, wrapping my arms around her. For a moment I thought she might recoil and push me away, but again she surprised me and she snaked her arms around my waist and held on to me.

For the first time in weeks I felt her relax. The walls on the outskirts of her mind fell away letting me in a little further. As not to hurt her I gently started stroking her hair. Ava inhaled slowly relaxing against my touch. "I don't know who I am anymore," Ava whispered pressing her face against my chest. I stared down at her trying to get a feel for what she was thinking. Her thoughts were all over the place, and when I tried to pinpoint an exact thought she slammed down a wall so fast it took me by surprise.

I backed down letting Ava decide how much she wanted to share with me. She opened her eyes and met mine, tears building up in those big green eyes of hers. Her eyes were starting to change color, white flecks appearing. "My eyes used to be hazel," she said with a weary smile.

Ava turned away from me and sat down, hugging her knees to her chest. She rested her head against her knees drawing energy from somewhere deep down inside herself. I sat down next to her, lifting my leg and resting my arm on my knee. Ava started laughing, her body shaking with tremors of laughter. "I used to be so pale," she said through laughter, her shoulders shaking. "People called me porcelain."

Ava stopped laughing and took a deep soul clearing breath. She turned to look at me tears running down her cheeks, leaving glistening tracks. "Being a Keeper was all I ever wanted to be. It had all these possibilities—" Ava trailed off shaking her head. She looked away wiping her eyes with the inside of her arm. "I'm lost, Damon." Ava looked at me, emotion drained from her eyes. They were black bottomless holes.

"I don't know how to be _me _again." She climbed off the bed and walked to the window. She opened it and leaned out breathing in the fresh air. An image of her as a young girl popped up, and the yearning inside her to be young again crashed into me. I watched as the young Ava ran in an open field, the dress she wore fluttering in the wind. She ran into the arms of a tall athletic man. He scooped her up and spun her around, sweet innocent laughter wafting through the air.

I could feel Ava losing herself to the memory, her mind clasping it tight in its embrace, threatening to swallow her. I flew off the bed and stood behind Ava. I spun her around forcing her to meet my gaze. Her eyes were vacant all attention on the memory playing in her mind. I stared into her eyes and took her hand in mine. I placed her hand against her heart, my palm flat against her hand, flesh against flesh.

I put my other hand next to her hand feeling her heart beat under my palm. She looked down at our hands, tilting her head, intrigued. "When we first met I had asked you to dance with me, do you remember what your reply was?" I asked Ava. She looked up meeting my eyes again, her thinking wheels spinning. It took her a few seconds to pull up the memory. The guard she had on her mind had slowly disappeared, leaving her mind open. The memory of our first encounter all those years ago were vivid. Well, her memory of our first encounter.

I had another memory of how we first met. Every last detail of that night was clear in her mind as she replayed the memory. "It's not in my nature to say no," she repeated her own words. I smiled down at her and her heart started beating faster under our palms. "That is who you are, Ava," I said to her.

"You're a little temperamental, patronizing and a real pain in my a—" Ava untangled herself from me and stepped away, interrupting me. "You're such an asshole," she said with fire in her eyes. I gave her my crooked smile, the one I knew would soften her. Ava's attention snapped to my lips all thoughts of hitting me gone.

"Let me finish." Our eyes locked, Ava glaring at me. "You are also witty, feisty, loyal, caring, beautiful, and a little bit crazy." I took a moment for that to sink in.

The corners of Ava's lips twitched and she couldn't help smiling. "A little bit crazy?" she asked some of her former self returning. Her eyes sparkled with renewed interest. More of Ava returned to the surface. "Yes!" I said with a chuckle shaking my head at her. Ava rested her head against my chest fighting the urge to burst into laughter. It didn't take long before she did.

Her laugh was warm, filling me with joy I hadn't felt in a long time. Ava laughed harder, her body shaking with each new chortle. I joined in, her laughter contagious.

Ava abruptly stopped and stepped away. She wiped her eyes turning around to look out of the window. I had a quick glimpse of the old Ava, but it wasn't that simple. It never was. Ava still felt lost and questioned herself and the world around her. It was going to take her a little longer to get back to who she used to be.

We stood in silence for a while listening to the wind pick up outside. A leaf detached itself from a branch and blew onto the window sill. Ava picked it up, and studied it for a moment. She dropped it outside and turned around to face me.

"With everything that has happened I don't know what I'm meant to feel," Ava said.

"We're going to be fine," I said.

"I really hope so," Ava replied. I could see that that was what she desperately wanted to believe. "I love you, Avalon Victoria Harvey." She smiled, but I could see that she was hesitant. "I need a little more time, Damon." Ava took a step away from me.

"Take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere."

"So Mayor Lockwood was a descendant of werewolves. I always suspected the Lockwoods, but we had no proof."

"So, you were listening?"

"The curse of being a Keeper."

"One of many."

Ava laughed. "Yes one of many."

Just then I knew that we were going to be alright. It was going to take some time, but Ava and I could finally be together. I just wasn't sure how Jack would feel about it.

"I couldn't be happier," Jack said walking into the room.

Ava flew around shocked to hear the voice of her Godfather.

"Hello kiddo," he greeted, like he hadn't been gone for nearly ninety years.

I looked at the man who had once told me that there are a lot of four letter lies we tell ourselves and the people we love. Life, hope, fate, luck, rage, fear, love. He had said that these words have a lot more in common than just being lies we tell ourselves to make it through a day. He told me that these words represent humanity and why they believe. Soon after that I realized that love might be the biggest four letter lie we believe in. But then I found that sometimes, in extraordinary cases, love's the one thing that can save you. I just hoped that love was going to be enough for what was to come next.


End file.
